The 36-Hour Day
with Lylah M. Alphonse
I'm a full-time editor, a part-time writer, and a mom and stepmom to five amazing kids, ages 1 to 14. For me it's not about finding balance, it's about the daily juggle-- my career, my commute, freelance work, homework, housework, married life, social life, and parenting-- and finding the time to get it all done.
To learn more about Lylah, check out her Work It, Mom! profile and read her blog at writeeditrepeat.blogspot.com.
My youngest children’s preschool recently hired a male teacher, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Our last experience with a male caregiver, at my kids’ previous school, was so positive that I was as sad as the children were to see him go.
Other parents don’t feel the same way about a male professional taking care of their young children, though. In a heated discussion a few months ago at Parenting.com, the parent of a preschooler wondered about a new male teacher in the toddler “potty trainer” room. The school hired a man to work in the 4- and 5-year-old classroom, which raised a few eyebrows, but this parent is particularly nervous about having a young man help her 2-year-old daughter in the bathroom. “I just don’t understand why a young man would want to be a daycare teacher,” the parent writes. “It makes me think they have an ulterior motive or something.
But that just doesn’t make sense to me. Parents don’t complain when female caregivers help potty train male children, do they? They don’t bat an eye when fathers change their daughters’ diapers or give them baths. So why are people less likely to trust professional, trained caregivers just because they happen to be male?
I can see several positive reasons to hire a male caregiver. Dr. Janet Rose Wojtalik, author of The 7 Secrets of Parenting Girls, points out that it can actually be a very positive thing for children, especially girls, because ”The media and society place so much pressure on girls to conform to typical ‘gender roles,’ that being exposed at an early age to both men and women who challenge the typical stereotypes is a good thing,” she writes. And the extra attention from a male role model can be beneficial for sons of single moms, too.
And yet… a friend of mine tells me that he — yes, he — didn’t even consider hiring a male caregiver when looking for a nanny for his baby girl. And I know plenty of other fathers who are skeptical of having boy as a babysitter. So it’s not just us moms who are making it more difficult for men to step up to the plate and take care of the kids.
What about you? Would you hire a male caregiver? Why or why not?
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Absolutely, unequivocally. My daughter reacts really well to male caregivers, her first day care was run by a woman but her young adult son was one of her employees. My daughter ADORED him and it was obvious he enjoyed working with kids.
In our area, the last two horrible child care incidents in our area were acutally perpetrated by women, not men. It is who you and your child are comfortable with and reading the signals in your child.
Mich | August 21st, 2009 at 2:19 pm
No, because I have seen too much - in person and otherwise. Statistically, the really bad stuff is more likely to be done by a male. I am sure most of them are just wonderful, but this is my child’s innocence I’m talking about, and my #1 job is to protect her.
I would have no problem with a male day-care worker, as long as he was monitored and didn’t have extensive unsupervised time with my daughters.
SKL | August 21st, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Oh, our summer “manny” was a fantastic addition to our lives for two summers. Did he do things the way I would? absolutely not. And that made me a bit crazy. But my kids loved, loved, loved the things they did together, and the completely different energy he brought to our lives. And he was good for my boys AND my girl.
Sarah | August 21st, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I’m uncertain. Like SKL, I’ve seen a lot of the damage that can be done, both first and second hand, by male-caregivers gone awry. However, part of that first-hand experience was more toward the tween years than the early years (7th grade teacher was a lech. It took no less than all the girls in my grade refusing to go to class for nearly a week to get rid of him…and rightly so. There was no sex offender registry then, and our (private) school had not done its homework.). And young children sometimes do respond better, and may need the role model as well!
CV | August 27th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I’m a guy who works at a daycare place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with guys changing diapers or helping children in the potties. If parents are straight laced about who does these things with their children, then just have a female employee be present to watch them do it. In scouting, for both boys and girls, they have a policy that always requires two adults present no matter what, to prevent accusations from reaching stalemate. It is far from harmful for male caretakers to be doing these thing, in fact it is a critical part of the attachment phases that children go through, unless they are deliberately and noticeably doing something inappropriate (i.e. fondling, or not respecting their space when they reach an age of modesty). I’ve seen many females growing up with mothers who are literally overprotective of their daughters (sometimes due to prior sexual abuse in the family), and they make it seem like all men are predators, the result: these girls grow up with several children from several men, they just cannot form a stable relationship with any of them due to the disruption in the attachment phases in younger years. The best preventative measure to take is to just have a female caretaker either supervising a male in these tasks, or have her working together with him, NOT for him. I’m okay with a woman watching what I’m doing, just don’t tell me how to do my job.
Most people who change diapers are doing it out of love for humankind and making a difference in the lives of young ones, which is what they should be doing, whether male or female. And then there’s some sickos who do it for sexual reasons, which is very wrong. But the truth is, it’s very hard to uncover people’s motives. So just to protect everyone, have two people present in the situation regardless of the gender of the caretakers!!!!
timbo | July 6th, 2011 at 2:51 am