with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
She is so easily mockable, Miss Gwyneth, what with her GOOP advice. It’s hard to take parenting advice from someone who has a nanny/cook/personal trainer.
Especially when she says things like this:
“I have little kids in school. I want to maintain my marriage and my family, so I have to be here when he comes home.”
My husband and I have very different communication styles. I, on the one hand, like to communicate. He, on the other hand, does not. He does it, but it usually involves a lot of prodding and pleading and questioning, and even that doesn’t always work. He knows this, and tries to be better, but it’s just not his nature.
The economy is still limping along like an weakened zombie, which means that we all need to be creative with our date nights. By “creative”, I mean “inexpensive” and also, “fun.” Auntie Becky had a great post on Cafe Mom about 10 Awesome Date Ideas That Won’t Make You Go Broke. Yes, yes, and yes! (Add seven more “yeses” for the other seven suggestions.)
I have a few more to add.
It was no surprise to me when I read it, but this article states that more couples break up in the month of January than in any other month. The days are short, the weather is grey, and you’re coming down from the high of the holidays, often with a bunch of bills to deal with. Being stuck indoors for many hours a day breeds cabin fever on top of it all and it’s no wonder couples have a rough go of it. Heck, people in general, married or not, often struggle with January.
I know that I certainly do. This year has been better than the past few years for me. I’ve managed to get better than merely treading water, and haven’t had the dark cloud around my head that usually descends in October and stays until April. Part of it is due to exercise, part of it is due to vitamins, and part of it is due to taking up skiing. I’ve felt so good that I’ve talked about it quite a bit, both online and off. And then Monday happened.
I had a great weekend celebrating my birthday (dinner out with my husband one night, girls’ night in at my place the next), and hosting my son’s birthday party, and spending Sunday afternoon sledding and hanging out with my kids.I came off of the high of the weekend to the Monday blahs, an upset stomach, raging hormones, and a general feeling of sad. For many reasons and no reason at all. Sigh.
I just spent the day being quiet and reading and crying over stupid things. By the time my kids and my husband got home, I’d gotten past the darkest part. I know that it is all normal (especially the raging hormones), but after coasting so peacefully for so long, yesterday hit me hard. I’m hoping it was a one-day thing, but time will tell. I’m thankful to have a husband who knows me so well and who knows what to say and do when I get like this. He keeps me balanced.
How about you? Does January get you down? Do you find that it affects your relationship with your significant other?
It’s my birthday today (Yay!) and I am all about celebrating my birthday. (My age, not so much.) There are plans for a nice dinner out tonight with my husband and two of our best friends. Tomorrow night will see a dozen or so of my best girls descending upon my house with wine and appetizers, for a great night of wine tasting and talking and gut-busting laughter.
I was chatting with an acquaintance who works at a local store and we got to talking about the holidays and what we’ve been up to. She mentioned that she’d gone out to dinner with friends the night before and had stayed out way to late talking and was tired. Then she joked that she felt a bit weird because she was the only single girl at a table with three couples. I assured her that if they were good friends, nobody else probably even noticed.
Yes, I talk about how my husband and I plan to stay married “’til death do us part”, and no, we are not having any problems (in fact, this year has been our best yet). I just read this article at The Stir about Camille Grammer considering changing back to her maiden name after her sixteen-year marriage to Kelsey ended bad way (he cheated, is dragging her through the courts for sole custody of their kids, he’s seems to be an expert in douchebaggery, etc.)
So says author, counselor and Episcopal Minister David Code. He says that couples needs to fight in his new book, To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First. Code has been married for 14 years, and says he has learned a few things about the myth of a conflict-free marriage. He believes that a conflict-free marriage is a myth, and I have to agree with him.
This is not to say that the path to a happy marriage involves a lot of yelling and screaming and name-calling. No, not at all. But if you never discuss issues, refrain from communicating your feeling, or even use your kids as an excuse from engaging with your spouse, you could be in trouble.
I often marvel at the fact that my husband is, well, my husband. I don’t get hit with that feeling as often as I did when we were first married, which was at least once a day. He is my HUSBAND. I am his WIFE. We are MARRIED. IS THIS REAL?
My friend Linda summed up what my husband and I have been discussing lately. We went from child-free, with promising careers and all of the free time we wanted to do whatever we wanted, to having three kids in less than four years and riding the waves of career changes, to where we are today. Three school-aged kids, my husband in a job he did not go to college for, and me dabbling in a creative side that I didn’t even know existed when we got married.
My family and I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s up at the local ski hill, learning to ski. While there, I realized that there was a very special date tied to that same ski hill. On December 30, 1999, my (now) husband and I had driven up to the ski hill in the hopes of going for a horse-drawn sleigh ride. There wasn’t *quite* enough snow for that, so it ended up being a horse-drawn wagon ride. Around the parking lot. We still laugh about that, to this day.
