Back when I was single and pining for a husband (I’m kidding)(Sort of), I had a few girlfriends who were married.  They would regale me with funny/horror stories about the first year of marriage.  Two different friends recommended a book that they and their husbands had read called The Five Love Languages. I filed this information away in the event that I ever met and married someone.

Before I knew it that is exactly what happened.  Six months after our first date I was married to my husband Matthew. That is a whole other story unto itself, but I will just tell you that we knew.  You know?

Our first year of marriage was…absolutely wonderful. We hummed little ditties and pranced through fields of daisies.

I’m kidding.

Not about the wonderful part. The truth of the matter is that there were no fights. No drama. We went for long walks after work, on date nights every Friday, and generally enjoyed each others company.  We still do.

It seemed as though we had a Big Event every year. A move to a small town. The purchase of our first (and only) house. The birth of our first child. The start of a new business. The birth of our second child. We seemed to roll with the punches and kept moving forward.

Two years ago our church hosted a marriage course. We decided to attend it along with a number of our close friends. Our decision to attend as not because there were any problems; we are just open to learning new things that will help us get to Forever. The added bonus: a night out without our kids, complete with coffee and dessert.

One of the nights was devoted to discussing the Five Love Languages. The basic premise being that each person has a unique way that they feel loved. It may be by receiving gifts, by hearing words of affirmation, by having acts of service done on their behalf, etcetera. Whatever way that you feel love is the same way that you tend to express it to your partner.  If their love language is different than yours then that is where issues may arise. This is what my friends had discovered back when I was a single lass.

My husband and I each took the quiz and then shared our results. Lo! We have the exact same love languages. Our primary language is Words Of Affirmation (You are so great at all that you do!) and our secondary language was Acts Of Service (Can I help you clean the bathrooms?)

It is no wonder we had an easier transition into married life than some do. We showed love to each other the way we preferred to receive it. It is when couples speak/show different love languages that conflicts can sometimes arise.

Once you know your spouse’s love language (and they yours) you can step beyond what you would normally choose to do to show love and speak their love language to them.

There is a 30 second test you can take to determine what your love language is, and you can have your spouse do the same if you want to compare the two.

What is your love language?