Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
|
Infidelity is a hot topic when it comes to relationships. It seems that everywhere you turn, there are news stories about celebrities, politicians, regular community folks…confessing to (or getting busted for) getting intimate with people other than the one they are married to.
My husband and I vowed to be married until death do us part. Part of that commitment involves only being intimate with each other. Being “intimate” with someone is just that. INTIMATE. Being naked around someone leaves you vulnerable - physically, emotionally, spiritually. It involves a great deal of trust. I cannot imagine the heartache that happens when that trust is broken.
That is not entirely true. I do know a little about the aftermath of adultery.
My parents divorced when I was three because there were other people waiting in the wings. They had let their relationship die a slow death and it had gotten to the point where it was more desirable for them to start anew (And then repeat the cycle with their new spouses years later).
I am a firm believer that cheating on a spouse is not due to some crazy whim of nature. It starts in the heart. As you drift further and further from your spouse others begin to look more appealing. If those other people are ready and willing, what’s to stop you?
This is why my husband and I work so hard at keeping our relationship on track. We go try to show love to each other throughout the day, we go on date nights, we have sex. With each other.
We are also pretty removed from situations that may cause eyes to wander. We are both self-employed and work from home. It is totally fine (And in fact, encouraged!) if he flirts with the secretary (Me). I will occasionally go on work trips or do some contract work in a local office here, but my coworkers are in the same filed as I am. Accounting. ‘nuf said.
Before I was married I vowed that if my spouse were to cheat, I would be out the door in a heartbeat. To suffer the kind of pain to know that my beloved had been with another woman would be too much to bear. Adultery is the one “out” that the Bible gives for divorce (Leaving the toilet seat up isn’t mentioned anywhere. I’ve read it from front to back), so I would use my “Free pass” and flee the situation.
However. We now share three children.
I know a few amazing women who have endured the gut wrenching betrayal of a wayward spouse. Their spouses were truly repentant afterward and the women decided to stay and work it out. They came out of the ordeal stronger than ever with their family intact.
Their stories are inspiring to me. It would be so much easier to be angry, to walk away, to throw away all of the good. I don’t know if I would be strong enough to stay in that kind of situation.
What about you? What would you do if your spouse cheated?
Subscribe to blog via RSS
If divorce is not an option, I would serve him lots of bacon sandwiches. It’s a slow death, but it’s legal.
witchypoo | November 11th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I cheated, and working my butt off to make it better. It’s a hard tough road, but I’m hoping we come out on the other side stronger as a couple then we were before.
Vicky | November 11th, 2008 at 11:47 am
My father repeatedly cheated on my mother and my stepmother (whom he eventually left my mother for). I could never stay in a situation where there was infidelity because of my past.
Although I completely agree with you that most times it’s not about being “physical” with someone else, and it starts years before as a couple drifts apart, I also know that marriage is never black and white and neither is cheating. I hope I could acknowledge my part in the relationship failing and realize that even if the blame is 98% his fault and 2% mine, I still need to own that 2%. But I could still never stay. Oddly enough, that’s even more true now that we’re about to have a child.
I know (as you probably do too) what infidelity does to a childhood.
Lord, this is a topic I could go on and on about, but basically I think a lot of people can manage to stay in situations where there was cheating and find a better and healthier relationship on the other side. I simply know myself and what I couldn’t forgive, and what patterns I will never allow myself to repeat.
She Likes Purple | November 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Depends.
Was it one time or long term?
Why did he cheat?
Has he cut off all contact with the other woman?
Is he sorry? Does he want to make the marriage work? Is he willing to do the very, very difficult, long-term work to fix it?
There are a lot of details that would affect my decision to stay or go. Also, even if we decided to work it out, there would be a period of separation (sexually) while we rebuilt trust and intimacy.
Robyn | November 11th, 2008 at 11:58 am
oooohhh wow.
You know, a couple years ago, I would have said that I would walk right out the door, children in tow, and never ever speak to him again. But. My father-in-law has a friend who suffered through this and he encouraged the friend to forgive the wife and work it out. The wife wanted none of it, but it made me think. I think I would choose to forgive, should my spouse be VERY sorry and do dishes EVERY DAY for the rest of his life.
A relationship is a two way street. Noah and I have had some rough times where he’s said that he felt like he was searching for a (platonic) relationship with another woman because he just wasn’t getting that emotional need met at home. (Depression is a B!*(#) It killed me, we worked it out, and now we’re stronger than ever.
We’ve learned where those problems come from and we avoid them LIKE THE PLAGUE.
I used to be not such a nice person in my former life (aka before I met Noah) and cheated on boyfriends all the time. I just didn’t care. Now? I KNOW what leads to cheating and I KNOW that I will never EVER do that to my husband. I see even an emotional affair as cheating - it’s an affair of the heart, and it can lead to SUCH WORSE things.
I love these things you write, Angella. I think that every married person should read these posts and LEARN FROM THEM.
Mrs. Wilson | November 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I think it’s a very personal decision so it’s hard for me to say that I would do one thing and not the other. I’m watching people I love go through this right now and while the person who was cheated on wants to work it out, the cheater is not so sure. I agree with you- it starts in the heart. I don’t know if I could forgive. I honestly don’t.
sizzle | November 11th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Just a couple days ago we were watching the True Hollywood Story on Bill Clinton (we’re classy, I know) and I was so shocked at how numerous his indiscretions were and I just can’t imagine how his wife tolerated that.
I too have always said I’d never stay if he cheated, but I do suppose it depends somewhat on the details, as Robyn mentioned. I don’t know how we could move forward from such a breech of trust.
Amanda Brown | November 11th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I am not saying it would be easy but if it were a mutual effort we would work through it somehow. I am a strong believer in forgiveness, not neccessarily a synonym of forgetfulness either.
steff | November 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I’d leave him. End of story.
This is the one thing that I wouldn’t be able to get passed. For the sake of our child, I would make sure that it ended amicably and I wouldn’t tell my son why the marriage ended to protect his relationship with his father. But it would be over.
robynroark | November 11th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
This is a tough one. I have always maintained that adultery would be a deal-breaker. If my husband cheated on me, I would leave.
However, it is VERY easy to make such bold statements outside of the situation. Should it ever happen to me, I don’t know how I would feel or what I would do. I’m generally a forgiving person. I would consider the fact that we have 2 children together. Like one of the other commenters said, it would possibly depend on the circumstances - long-term affair? One night stand? Friend? Stranger? I think I would find it extremely difficult to forgive a long-term affair with a friend, as opposed to a silly, one-time mistake with a stranger.
However, I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments about cheating. It begins in the heart. If your marriage is good and strong and healthy, cheating will never be an option. I agree that becoming intimate with another person other than your spouse first requires some “distance” or “lack” in the marriage to begin with. Which is why we do what you guys do, and work HARD at our marriage. Because we want it to be forever.
Hannah | November 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
That is hard. I think that I would leave. Mainly because I know that for Jason to have sex with someone else, he would need to have formed enough of a relationship with her to strike up a conversation…and my husband is a loner by nature. And when a girl DOES flirt with him, he shows them the ring finger. For him not to do that would be signify that I was not providing something for him that he needed emotionally.
I think it is never ok to cheat, and if our relationship is so disenigrated he ventures outside of it, then perhaps the foundation isn’t strong enough to sustain us.
I also don’t want my daughters to think that behavior is ok.
But it is easy to say now. I don’t know for sure what I would do.
rebecca | November 11th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I want to say that as long as he was truly repentant I could forgive, and stay as a family.
Bill and Hillary is a classic example, as one commenter mentioned. this is what she wrote in her memoir on part of choosing to remain with him:
“No one understands me better and no one can make me laugh the way Bill does. Even after all these years, he is still the most interesting, energizing and fully alive person I have ever met.” So, what I take from that is that a person can choose to leave and be certain they’ll never be hurt by that individual again, but then they will also be certain that they will never be made wildly happy by that person again(in a way no one else can do).
Lindsay | November 11th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I’m with you.
Elizabeth | November 13th, 2008 at 2:42 am
If I stayed…it would be a miserable life for both me and my husband. I would be bitter and suspicious for the rest of our relationship. I would constantly throw his infidelity in his face “You vacuum the house…cuz you’re the one that cheated on me” type of thing. Mature, I know.
joyce | November 13th, 2008 at 9:35 am
My 1st husband cheated-never knew untill a woman called the house-and I picked up the other line.They had worked at the same place.Before that I had complete trust in him-I was young and blind. I divorced him- I was 25 yrs. old and not willing or able to even think about forgiving him. Years later a old friend of his told me he had said he was sorry about what he had did. We had 2 children together.Now being older-I would try to make it work-depending on what had happened. But don’t think I’d ever be able to forget.
eileen | November 13th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Curious, Where in the Bible does it say divorce is the only “out” of marriage?
I have always told myself I would immediately leave a cheating spouse, despite my vow to God — and this makes me feel guilty (Catholic, can you tell) that deep down, maybe I am not really up to the “for better or worse”. When a spouse cheats on you, HE is the one who has already divorced you.
Amber | November 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Typo, sorry: where in the Bible does it say Cheating is the only “out” for marriage?
Amber | November 13th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Matthew 19 is a great chapter, and you should read it to get the whole context…
In verse 9, Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
The Bible s clear that God *hates* divorce, because it goes against His desire for us to have marriage to be a blessing…
Angella | November 13th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Change all the locks and buy a guard dog.
A man can have all the female friends he wants, and a woman can have all the male friends she wants.
One step over the line, however, and it’s lock-changing time. Life is full of choices, and cheating is 100% choice.
No trust - no marriage.
Mamacita | November 13th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
My husband cheated on me during the first year of our marriage. We were both in college, and he was in another state on an internship. He confessed a few years after it happened. I gave him one get out of divorce free card, in other words I forgave and stayed in the marriage. We have 4 beautiful children and have been married many years now. I trust him completely, and we also set down a lot of permanent ground rules which helped him earn my trust back.
If it ever happened again, I would be absolutely shocked, and our marriage would be over.
Anonymous | November 13th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
This is tough. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me and we tried to get past it but the pain was too much and, not surprisingly, there were so many other things wrong with the relationship. I always thought that if it happened again I would just leave - like I should have the first time. But if it were my husband I don’t know what I would do - our relationship is so much different than the one I had with my ex. I think I would be pretty damn bitter if it did happen but at this point in time I can’t even imagine him cheating on me since he so obviously adores me - which is a really great feeling. I think part of the key is not to put yourself in situations where temptation waits - like your post about having friends of the opposite sex. I get everything I need from my husband so I don’t feel the need to have (non-gay) male friends or male friends that he isn’t friends with.
melanie | November 13th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
My husband cheated on me with a married woman. AT WORK. We have been married about 20 years, and have 2 kids. I WAS devestated, and am having problems coping,it has been only a week since I found out. It was a “friends” thing that turned into a drunken date while I was at work on his day off. He still works with her. I love my husband and am working through this, He says that it will not happen again. The trust factor is an issue, If he doesnt answer my call right away I think he is with her. Then I brood. It will get better I am sure, if not I gave it the old college try.
For the record, this was something that was never expected. We spend lots of time together, hanging out, talking, sex, little trips etc. He is my best friend. I just want that back.
Theresa | November 14th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I think that it depends so much on so many individual personal things.
Adultery is one of those things that can be tossed around in theory with such a black and white statements regarding it, the people involved and what the outcome “Would be”, but it often ends up being really gray and complicated when you or someone you love is experiencing it first hand.
Great article, babe.
Loralee | November 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
me and my ex-husband but not yet divorce just separated lasted only three years full of infedelity issues just on his part only honestly speaking i would say…. to make it clearer ,when we were still boyfriend/girlfriend type he already cheating on me i know it , and while we already lived-in partners i know he did it again girls calling to our phone asking to talk to him with confidence not thinking who am I to him …. so i told the girl that i am the girlfriend and we were engaged and the just said that “ohh , he didnt tell me that” , it hurts me a lot because i really love this man and I left my family for him…but i forgive him and pretend it didnt happen so we can start a family together.. so we got married everything going we had our first child but until less a year later i found out that he cheated on my again…the girl is our neighbor and their doing it inside our house, right on our bed with our daughter(1-3 months old) and sometimes his asking his cousin to watch our baby at the living room so that they can do it while Im working my ass off at work.. Its just too painful for me until now because i never cheated on him,i loved him will all my heart,i gave everything to him, i gave up my family ,my friends for him and still this is what im getting out of it..there’s a lot more incidences but despite it all we tried again to work things out but my heart wouldnt take it anymore this time….
the pain and anger just burst and decided to leave him finally …we were separated right know for 3 months and i think the separation is so easy for him and he already got a new girlfriend….
shane | November 16th, 2008 at 6:39 am
I’m going through this right now and it’s very hard to live through and not only for my self but for our kids also because not only did he cheat on me he cheated on our kids also .. I found this out last month and he has already had her over at his parents place acting like his kids and I weren’t even part of his life .. It just goes to show how heartless and selfish he is and people who do this cheating .. I gave up all I had to have a family and than he pulled it out from under my kids and my self and others for his own selfish heartless ways …
Lynn | November 18th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I am in this situation now. My wife is in Iraq and is/had(I think it’s over) an affair with another soldier. She told me that is was due to boredom and loneliness. I love this woman with all my heart. We have no children although before this we talked about having children after she gets back. Now I don’t know. I’m do not want to bring a child in to this relationship right now(she gets home in a few months). She says it meant nothing, which I am not sure if it makes it worse or not, and has said she is sorry and all that. We have been together almost 9 years, and even now I cannot image my life without her, but I don’t know how to go forward. I’m not sure how I will feel once she does get home. We have had a lot of ups and downs and have never given up on each other or our relationship and marriage. I have no idea what to do now. How do I get to where I feel I can trust her again? I don’t want to be the jerk that is always asking where you been? What have you been doing? Who you been spending any time with? I guess it would be easy just to say goodbye get out of my life except that I feel like she so much apart of my life I can’t even image doing that, not even in the slightest. I just don’t know.
Paul | November 19th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
My grandmother always said that the way to a man’s heart was “in, up and to the right.”
Barring that…I’d say change the locks, buy a guard dog, hire the mother of all divorce attorneys, and change the kids’ last names.
Kathy | November 20th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
My wife and I are both in the military. We are in our early 20s, and we been married for less than a year. She just got back from being underway and she told me that she cheated on me a couple of days ago. I am still trying to figure out what should I do or what can I do.
I love this women more than anything on the world. The day before the incident that she had, we were talking about having kids. And about the idea of me going to see her where she is stationed at. And it was only 3 weeks apart from me going to see her again.
She is stationed in another country that is like 14-18 hours away in flight differences.
I know i had my doubts but it was mostly about my self if I will be able to hold my ground and be faithful to her. And I was. But then she told me cheated on me and destroy my whole world. I dont even know how will I react , say or do when I see her again.
I need some help on this.
Ricky | November 28th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I was already thinikng of this when read your post about having the mentality or divorce not being an option. Like you, I came from a family rife with divorce, and actually had no interest in ever tying the knot. Then, before I even began to date my husband, when we were just friends, I ovrheard a conversation of his with another friend. He was going on about how he didn’t believe in divorce, and no matter what happened, he would always walk through it with his future wife and stay committed. As I already had the major major hots for him, I thought to myself, ‘If I ever marry anyone, it will be him.’
Fast forward ten years. We have been married for eight, and have two kids. Neither of us ever used the d-word, not once. It was simply not an option. It was a nice place to be. A year and a half ago he had an affair. Not just a drunken incident, but an emotional affair with our neighbour that I watched develop over time, but didn’t have the guts to confront (also, my husband had such strong principals that I was certain that he would never cheta, even if he wanted to) that devoloped into a sexual affair over the course of a week while I was away on vacation with our kids. During the week of our seventh anniversary, no less.
I had always thought that if he cheated, I would leave, no looking back. My sister’s boyfriend cheated on her repeatedly and I judged her as stupid for staying. But when he told me about the affair, he was so repentant, to me and to God, forgiveness came naturally. God definitely gave me the strength for the moment. I was hurt, but my concern was for him, and my focus on taking the appropriate steps right away to get us back on track for the long-haul. And we started working together. For about six months I felt like our marriage was stronger than it had ever been, and I even felt a little thankful for what had happened, because it shook us out of a funk that we had settled into. Then I discovered the porn.
I didn’t know what to do. I found the porn on the computer accidentally, could tell that it was something he was doing daily, and taking great measures to hide from me. I have noticed a pattern of deception over the years, only he decieves himself as much as he does me. Maybe more. I knew that if I confronted him about it, he would be repentant, but that if he ever fell back into this kind of pattern, he would be able to hide it from me again. I never would have found out about his affair in the first place if he hadn’t told me about it. My knowledge of his porn use festered in me for a few more months, and I grew more and more anxious as oiur anniversary approached. I didn’t know how I was going to handle it, now that it was not only the anniversary of our marriage, bit also of his cheating. It eventually came out ( I was PMSsing, which didn’t help) and I told him that I no longer knew if our marriage could last. He, for the first time, took proactive measures. He put his computer in the crawlspace of our house, and I set up my laptop that I had to sign in if he ever needed to use the internet or what have you. I knew this arrangement wouldn’t last forever, as his career is all about computer technology. Now about six months later, the computer is out again, and although everything seems alright, I am so afraid on the inside. Ever since the d-word came out, and such a lack of trust because I know he is both willing and talented at lying to me if he wants to. I no longer have the assurance that we will be together forever. I keep thinking, ‘what will I do if he cheats again?’ ‘what will I do if he avoids another affair with a real person, but falls into the trap of porn addiction over and over again?’ Where do I draw the line between supportive spouse and the one who leaves because she won’t take anymore. Like Hillary Clinton, mentioned in a previous comment, I enjoy my husband’s company more than any other man I have ever met. He is the only person I truly enjoy being with all the time. We rearely, rarely fight. We are united in our finances. We have a great sex life. But the uncertainty of his fidelity and the option of divorce that I have introduced to the balance are hanging over my head and weighs on me daily. When he does something that hurts my feelings, my mind automatically goes to divorce, where that never used to happen. I am using it as a crutch, and I know it is not helping us. I’m at a point where I just take everything one day at a time and see what happenes. I can’t think about the future.
Someone | December 16th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
This is in response to RICKY.
I had a very identical situation. I am still with my husband because we have two kids and of financial responsibilities. My whole family adores him. I am very unhappy but I can’t figure out what I should do. I no longer love him and interested in him. I feel all of the above (hurt, angry & etc.) I plan to wait for our boys to grow older but then how fair is that for me. I have asked him to divorce me but he refused. He and I have been together since high school (20 years total).
Can anyone give me advice?
Imelda | January 30th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Okay I have been married about two years now and the thing is my husband has not change it make me wonder if his vows was a convenienc for him.Some time it make me wonder if marriage was the right thing. I said my vows with honor andd love but I don’t think he did
yolanda | April 5th, 2009 at 2:09 am
I am one of those strong ladies trying to make it through, it not only was my husband cheating but my so called best friend. she was working us both over. he kept lying about it so much to the fact he even swore on jis kids life he wasnt talking to her anymore and he was. he doesnt believe in Karma I guess. The bad part is my oldest kids 20 and 18 think I may have something to do with it because I had a few surgeries in the last couple years and wasnt fully myself, well who is when they are having to take medicine? Anyway, if I am going to have a stronger relationship because of it, then PLEASE make it now, because I still want to kill them both even if I still love him. As for the whore, I hope there is karma!!!
I wish I was living another life | July 14th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
My husband and I have three wonderful kids together. He cheated and had two more with a differnet women. I believe that it takes a stronger woman to leave than to stay. I am weak. Everyday is a constant reminder that he cheated on me, and it hurts, my heart breaks a litlle more everyday. Because I can not support the kids by myself I stay. I want to do what is best for my kids right now. My husband and I have been together for 12years. The other woman knew that he was married and continued with the affair, she said that one day that they will be together.
Carrief | April 14th, 2010 at 12:19 am
My biggest issue with women is if we say we will leave if my husband/spouce cheats or gets into porn or firts or decides he/they doesn’t feel in love with you etc.( There are many things people say they will leave for.) If it then does happen in your marriage and the spouce is truly sorry and wants to make things right they are then scarred to tell them for fear of loosing thier spouce. Which is a normal fear and justified. It is sooo painful to be hurt that way. Now I am by no means saying tell them if you ever do cheat etc I will be fine no biggy! I believe that we are to build trust and allow eachother to know that we love them and will be willing to work out things that come up together. When trust is built and then one of us break that trust the road is long and painful but it is possible to rebuild that trust back again. Just don’t set your spouce to feel and expect to loose you if they make a mistakes and are truly sorry. They already would feel that anyway. Love is painful! And it can hurt deap! Speaking from experience:)
Mommyof4 | May 31st, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Mommy of 4:
I think that if a spouse cheats he should expect that you will leave - he needs to understand what he stands to lose. Also, if you choose to stay, it will be a wonderful bonus for him and he might appreciate the forgiveness. Cheating is the breaking of marriage vows. If he cheats, and you leave, he is the one who broke the marriage, not you.
Danica Grunert | May 31st, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Looks like I joined the conversation a little late, but oh well. Maybe someone still reads this page…
Anyway, remember ladies, it’s not just men who cheat. In April, I found out that my wife had an affair with a coworker. The physical part was a one-night stand… but the phone calls and texting lasted for a few months. I found out by catching her text this guy. For context, we were coming up on our 4 year anniversary and had a 9 month old baby at home.
I have always said that if I caught my spouse cheating, that would be it. No do-overs there. But one thing I’ve learned is to never say “what-if” statements anymore, because you truly don’t know what you would do until you’re in the situation.
When I first found out, I was done. I was calling her names, throwing things (not at her… never at her) and just basically furious. I didn’t even want to see her. My wife, on the other hand, was very upset. She said that she would do ANYTHING to make it work.
Then, the next day, we switched roles. I realized that, you know what, I still love her. And when I married her, I said that it was for better or for worse. I wanted to make it work. Her mind, on the other hand, had changed. I still don’t know what exactly had caused it to change, but it did. She wanted a divorce.
Over the next few months, we went back and forth between being together and separated. When we were together, however, she wasn’t really “there.” She went so far as to move out and get her own apartment. She filed for divorce, and we both spent a lot of money on lawyers. The saddest thing was that we had separate birthday parties for our daughter when she turned one…
Then, we had a very large fight. You see, I still wanted the marriage, and she didn’t. Obviously, the air was very thick with tension between us, and it just ignited one day. We went about 3 weeks without saying one word to each other. I was moving on. I thought she was moving on. In reality, she was sitting at her apartment thinking about us and everything she’s missing out on. She always realized the BIG mistake she made, but now she was realizing everything it was costing her. And she wanted to stop that. So she came back. And for some reason, I let her back in.
It’s been about 6 weeks since she’s been back. She isn’t officially moved back in yet, but we are planning on doing that this weekend. The important thing is that she is actually “there” now. I know that she wants to be with me, which I didn’t feel before. We are much more open about everything than we were before this. She’s answered every question I have about the affair (which she wasn’t doing at first) and even told me things I didn’t ask. We’re thinking about our future again…
Do I trust her? Of course not. I don’t think she’s going to run out today and go do this again, but I’m not certain that she won’t wake up and say “Why am I back in this relationship?” She says she is worried about the same thing with me. She still works with this guy. I don’t like that, but in reality, she could do this anywhere and with any man. Last night, I confessed to her the depths of my mistrust. She doesn’t like that I distrust her so much, but she certainly understands and vows to do anything and everything to earn that trust back. I want to believe her, I really do…
Moral of the story: don’t say you would do something until you’ve been in that situation. If you truly love the person and care for them, you’ll end up doing the right thing, whether that’s letting them go or mending the broken fences. It’s a long, painful journey that sometimes feels like it will never end, but you will make the right choices in time…
Bear | September 9th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Honestly, it depends. If this were his first offense, I would forgive but would not forget. I would not hold it over his head but be conscious about what is going on in the relationship. Sometimes we get so bogged down in day to day routines with work, home, school, kids, etc., that we forget out keeping the marriage alive. Just like many of us need me time, you also need “We” time.
Bobbie Jackson | September 1st, 2012 at 11:29 am