Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Dear American friends:
Please do not hate me that I mention Christmas before you have dealt with Thanksgiving. Us Canadians had Thanksgiving a month ago, which means that Christmas is FAIR GAME here in Canada.
Love, Angella.
My husband and I left our three kids with my brother for the better part of Saturday and headed to the nearest Big City in order to get a head start on our Christmas shopping. After a mere four hours of shopping we had crossed nearly everyone (Brothers! Sisters! Nieces! Nephews!) off of our list.
Please don’t hate me.
Our kids are mostly done, save for their stocking stuffers. We bought new stockings ( I despised the old ones), but now need to fill them. We know what needs to be purchased and have thirty-seven days in order to do so.
(THIRTY-SEVEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. Not that you needed to be reminded or anything.)
The only shopping that is really left to do is for each other.
In a sense, shopping for each other is easy. We both have well-defined hobbies. He, wood-working. Me, photography. The only problem is that neither of us is well-schooled in the tools of the others’ trade.
(Cue to three years ago. He asked me, “IF I were to buy you a digital SLR, would I be buying you a Canon or a Nikon?”)
(CANON, of course. Though I know that Nikon is just as great.)
If he wants tools for Christmas, he needs to write me a detailed description of what to buy. And where to buy it. And when it is on sale.
This takes a the joy of giving out of the whole equation.
The same thing happens with my photography addiction wish list.
The good thing is that we are both pretty good at buying other items for each other, and we both are just thankful for wrapping paper to rip open on Christmas. I usually buy him some new clothes. He likes new clothes but is usually too cheap frugal to buy them for himself.
He often purchases new clothes for me as well, and despite the fact that he is a man’s man, he usually hits the mark.
We have a great tradition in that we put the kids to bed on Christmas Eve and then sit down to exchange our gifts to each other. We crack open a bottle of wine and play some holiday music. We get to revel in each other without the kids and take some time to relax before the chaos of Christmas morning. It is one of my favorite parts of the whole Christmas season.
This year I want to do something new and fun gift-wise for him, but I haven’t figured out what that IS yet.
How about you? What are you getting your spouse for Christmas?
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I usually have no trouble figuring out what to get Troy for Christmas. There are always movies on DVD that he wants or a book or two. And since he NEVER buys anything for himself it’s easy for me to pick up the slack.
We have not bought each other much for Christmas the past few years, though. Mostly stocking stuffers. We keep spending large amounts of money on traveling and decided to make that our family gift to each other. Which is totally fine with both of us.
bethany actually | November 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Heh. Last night, he walked in with a new laptop that I was saving to get him for christmas - he just didn’t want to wait.
So I asked him what he wanted: “NHL Official Blackhawks jersey, extra large, in black, with “Ladd” and “16″ on the back.”
We live in the Vancouver area. He’s a Chicago fan.
But, I suppose everyone has their faults
Nicole | November 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I usually buy him a season of the Simpsons because he loves that show and Lounge pants. In fact 2 years ago I didn’t get either and he was disappointed that they weren’t there. Aside from that he is very hard to shop for. He always says he is content to see us happy and I truly believe him. Because even the days when we had no money at all for us to get gifts he always found a way to get me one and refused to let me get him anything. He always had huge Christmases as a child and we didn’t. I would get socks and soap and some canned product for the family meal. One year the vacuum broke so our family gift was a new vacuum.
Gosh, this got long-sorry!
Heather-Domestic Extraordinaire | November 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
We usually do a joint gift to take the stress out of trying to figure out what to buy each other. This year we bought hockey tickets. Last year it was a trip to Vegas. We tried to buy each other gifts the first year we were together and I ended up with the game Hungry Hungry Hippo and he ended up with a really cool photography book. Neither of us were happy
hillary | November 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I have NO stinking idea.
Robyn | November 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
we love LOVE to watch TV series on DVD together, so I always buy one of those…this year is the Flight of the Concords and Alton Brown Good Eats…we set strict budget limits so as not to go overboard, but i always try to throw in something he is not expecting…this year, I think a 2 gb mp3 player…
We do the Christmas Eve thing, too…and we both get a bigger kick out of giving each other stuff than actually getting stuff. He doesn’t even try to figure out his gifts, he just spends the 2 weeks before trying to get me to open mine early so he can see my face…
rebecca | November 18th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I usually buy Rob clothes (like Matthew, he likes new clothes but rarely spends anything on himself) or else I get him CDs or DVDs. One year I got a great photo of him & the boys enlarged and framed - he loved that. And sneakily, it’s almost like a present for me too, because I get to see it on the wall as much as he does!
This year I have bought him a ticket to Eric Clapton - he is playing here in NZ in March. My sister also got a ticket for my Dad, so they’ll be able to go together (and sit together). They are both huge Clapton fans. I’m glad his gift is sorted!
Hannah | November 18th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’m giving him a son. I don’t think that’s going to work for you, though.
Leah K | November 18th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Nothing. My gift to him is that he doesn’t have to buy me anything because shopping stresses him out and he hates the idea of HAVING to buy something - he would rather just buy presents when the mood strikes him. Most of his gifts are food related since we never have much money and all our money goes towards food. He gets REALLY EXCITED when pineapples are on sale - it’s very cute. Anyway, we don’t do Christmas gifts but we do birthday gifts.
melanie | November 18th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
He usually gets the same kind of things every year…whatever he needs…or wants..this year a really nice Flannel shirt and Santa always brings underwear. (my Mom started this when we were little) He gets things all the time- a big me-ism person. So just simple at Christmas.
eileen | November 19th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Nothing. We talked about it the other day and we’re going to buy the stuff we normally would and wrap it and put it under the tree. With the economy the way it is we’ve decided to put the focus on the kids and off of us. We’ll still have stockings.
aftercancer | November 20th, 2008 at 2:00 pm