Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
After dinner last night, the kids went to the family room to play, my husband sat on the couch to watch the news and I sat down to ponder what words of wisdom (Ha!) I could share here.
I was a little stumped for a topic relating to relationships and marriage and did not feel like combing the Internet for something to write about. I asked Matthew if he had any ideas of what I could write about.
Silence.
I tried again.
“Honey, could you help me think of a topic for tomorrow’s post?”
Silence.
I needed a new tactic in order to get his attention.
“Hey Honey? Do you want some ice cream?”
Lo and behold, I all of a sudden had a reaction. His full attention was on me as he exclaimed, “Yes, Please!”
That, my friends, is what I like to refer to as selective hearing.
I can be guilty of it as well, usually when I am reading. I speak honestly and truthfully when I say that his haring is far more selective than mine. I have proof.
We will have complete conversations about something and agree on a course of action (Say, attending a dinner). Shortly before the event, I will mention it and get a bewildered look from my husband. He will tell me that he has no idea what I am talking about.
Then it is my turn to be astonished. We discussed it. Weighed the pros and cons. Came to an agreement.
And yet? He does not remember.
He does not have many character flaws, so I do not get too upset about it. I joke that when he hears my voice, it must sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Waa waa, waa waa, waa waa.
It is something that I tease him about when it happens and he takes it like the man he is. The other alternative would be to purchase a bullhorn and/or videotape each of our conversations in a meager attempt to prove I am right. So not worth it.
How about you? Does anyone in your household have selective hearing?
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Yours too…it’s funny never know what they really hear. Just a man thing I guess.
eileen | November 21st, 2008 at 12:39 pm
This kind of thing happened the other day. I wanted to plug my electric heat pad in the outlet where Hubby was charging his cell phone. He was already in bed. I asked him if I could unplug his phone. He said I could. So I did. In the morning, he was annoyed that his phone hadn’t charged in the night. “Um, you said I could unplug it.” “Yes I may have said that but I was SLEEPING!” He didn’t stay mad long and his phone made it through the day.
Rachel Joy | November 21st, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I always listen to my husband and never forget a conversation or something he asked me to do. I’m pretty much the perfect wife.
*snicker*
We’re both pretty bad. Mine’s more of a memory issue, his is more of a selective hearing issue.
My children are horrible. If they are watching TV, they will not hear ONE WORD of what you say.
Mrs. Wilson | November 21st, 2008 at 2:49 pm
This is a ME TOO!!!
Pre children I was leaving to go to a friend’s for coffee, I asked if he wanted to come.
“No thanks”.
Two hours later driving home, I passed him driving slowly down the street.
He pulled into the driveway shortly after me…”WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!! I’ve been looking in the ditches for your truck, I’ve called your family….why was your cell phone off?”
“Um…I told you I was going to Leslie’s, I even asked if you wanted to come.”
“No you didn’t. I would have heard that.”
To this day he still says I didn’t tell him where I was going ????
Lee | November 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I think every man has this ability, and it drives me bonkers at times!!
My husband also has this thing where it takes him time to tune into me when he’s doing something else. If I immediately ask him a question, he catches the last couple words. But if I approach him and say, “Hey.. I’m going to talk to you. Pay attention now.”, he’s usually listening by that point and I can ask my question.
Jill - GlossyVeneer | November 21st, 2008 at 5:27 pm
It can be beneficial, too…there have been a couple of times i have forgotten to mention something to him, but I was able to play it off like i had.
rebecca | November 21st, 2008 at 7:19 pm
rebecca - Oh, I KNOW what you are talking about
Angella | November 21st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
My husband has a mild case, and I have a touch of it myself. Although, mine is mostly just to the word *mom*. I hear pretty much everything else.
Of my 4 children, it is most pronounced in my one and only son.
MK xo
mommyknows | November 21st, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Guaranteed to get hubby’s attention when you speak. Just use the word “sex”. They are programmed not to ignore it.
witchypoo | November 21st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Isn’t amazing that no matter how different you think you and your husband are, ultimately you end up falling into all of the stereotypes?
slynnro | November 22nd, 2008 at 1:12 am
[...] cannot help it. He has flaws, yes, but they are so minor and so not stereotypical (Apart from his selective hearing), that they are hardly worth [...]
Do you and your spouse share household duties? - Committed: The Ties that Bond - Work It, Mom! | November 25th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Oh yep, my man has selective hearing too! I can epecially relate when you talk about attending an event or similar, and get the “blank” look … even after discussing it at length previously! I am so used to it now that I usually sit down on a Sunday evening and go through the week, reminding him of the various things we have on. Then I do more reminding along the way, so that on the day, he is not bewildered beyond comprehension. Sigh!
Hannah | November 25th, 2008 at 3:10 pm