Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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Last February my husband and I brought our three kids to their grandparents’ house and spent a week in Mexico. Together. With no children. It was the first time we had both been away from them for longer than one night and amazing does not even begin to describe it. Towards the end of the week we talked about returning in a year or two with the kids and taking a family vacation in order to give us all a break from the long, cold winter.
Try as we might to find a good deal for the five of us to travel, we could not seem to do so. Even with a decent price, once you multiply it by five it gets to be in the “ridiculous” range. It seemed a little extravagant to spend that sum of money in light of the economy. My husband and I were open to taking another jaunt that consisted of just the two of us but there is that issue of three small children who needed to be, you know, taken care of in our absence.
We resigned ourselves to the fact that a vacation was not going to happen this year for the five of us, or even the two of us. Our winter has been long, dark, and cold and it was hard on me to give up the dream of a little sunshine to get me through until spring.
Two weekends ago a friend from Southern California (You may have heard of Sarah) told me to “Come to California, lady!” My husband saw her comment and told me that I should go. To California. By myself.
I was torn as I travel a few times a year for work and leave him at home with our three children. He told me that did not count as I am working. It is a break for me, yes, but it also pays the bills. I brought up the fact that I went to BlogHer last year and am all booked for the conference again this coming July. I seem to get away on my own a lot.
He told me that he knows how much I abhor winter and insisted that I go find a good flight deal and get myself to the sunshine. Less than a week later I was on the plane and headed for what turned out to be the best solo vacation of my life. I honestly do not think that those four days could have been any better than they were.
I have arrived home to my family recharged, refreshed, and ready to plow through until spring arrives. I am beyond happy to be reunited with my family, but I honestly think that I am going to be a better wife and mother to them thanks to my mini vacation. If you had told me such a few years ago I would have thought that a solo vacation, away from my family, would be something that I enjoyed so much I would have argued adamantly against that idea.
Turns out I was wrong about myself. That happens occasionally.
I had such a positive experience that I am encouraging my husband to get away as well. His idea of a good time is to spend a weekend snowmobiling (BRRRRRR) with his friends. While it is the opposite climate of what I personally prefer, I just want him to have a break and come back rejuvenated.
How about you? Have you taken (or would you take) a solo vacation, or do you only take vacations with your spouse/family?
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I’m glad you had such a good time. California sounds AMAZING to me right now.
I don’t know if I’d take a big solo vacation. A weekend away in the next town with a girlfriend I do. But I think if we were spending big bucks, I’d rather it be with my husband, since it would likely be few and far between. We plan to do some bigger family vacations with “just the two of us” vacations scattered in there too.
Jen | February 3rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
A few years ago I went to England for 2 weeks without Shawn. His parents both lived back East so he spent all of his vacation time visiting them. I wanted to visit my friends in London and not his parents in Ontario & Quebec (shocking, I know) so we went our separate ways. Now that his mom lives out here and his dad visits once a year, I don’t think we’ll take vacations without each other. Maybe mini-breaks or long weekends, but not a full-on two week holiday.
hillary | February 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
First time ever will be 4 - 8 March - to the mountains of beautiful Colorado from the ugly brown flat lands of TX.
steff | February 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Rob sometimes goes on “road trips” with his mates, but they are usually only one-nighters. I have often gone away on my own for work, music team & church conferences, etc. But they aren’t really the same as a vacation. I don’t think I would want to go on a proper vacation without Rob. We are lucky that my parents will babysit whenever we want, so we quite often get a night or 2 away on our own while the boys sleep over at Nana & Grandad’s. And of course we are off to Fiji in May for 7 nights, sans kids, to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary. We plan ahead for trips like that (we did a campervan holiday for our anniversary 2 years ago, 5 nights). Add in a few weekends away throughout the year, plenty of date nights, and family vacations … and I’m happy!
Hannah | February 3rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
We have been taking solo vacation for a couple of years now. I go away scrapbooking for 2-3 days/nights a couple of times a year and he either goes on work trips (which are vacations in my book) and he also goes hunting for at least 5-10 days a year in the fall. Plus he has gotten away for a few other trips without us. Just for the cost alone, we have decided that this works. As much as a family trip or even just a trip for two of us is just too much now. I actually love getting away on my own with friend that I don’t ever want to stop. It also helps with the childcare thing since one of us is always home ;)! Good post!
April | February 3rd, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Just took one! (But you knew that :} )
I totally believe that time away makes you a better wife and mother and PERSON. I’m all for the solo vacations.
I have a couple ideas for you for future posts. Don’t know why they came to me today, but they did. 1. How do you handle exes? 2. How did you decide how many children to have?
Mrs. Wilson | February 3rd, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I went to London for a two month study abroad with my sister about eight months after I got married. And it was divine (my husband was just starting a new job, so I didn’t see him for almost three months).
And I went to Las Vegas last summer to visit my family for a week without him.
I love individual vacations - it just gives me time to relax and be completely myself, especially when I go home. I don’t have to worry about Bart being bored while my mom and I go get pedicures.
Janssen | February 4th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I, like you, would’ve said no about two years ago. However, after a horrible year last year and coming up on the anniversary of a loved one’s death, I decided to take a much needed long weekend to sunny and warm Phoenix. It was one of the BEST vacations I’ve ever taken. I didn’t do anything extraordinary–just shopped and slept in, but it was just me and I could do whatever I wanted the whole time. No checking wtih anyone, no chasing around a two-year-old, just me! It was FANTASTIC! I splurged and rented a sports car while there. There’s something so healing about driving in sunshine with the stereo blasting. I came back ready to take on the anniversary and also a much better wife and mom.
I highly recommend it to everyone!
Stacey | February 4th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Last May, I wnet to Europe with a girlfriend to attend our childhood friend’s wedding there. 10 days without spouses, kids, obligations, and laundry. To say it was divine was an understatement.
It’s nice to remember what life is like without having a kid tugging on your shirt demanding more juice. I missed my family but I loved the time to see old friends and visit new places.
Robyn - Who's the Boss? | February 5th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
now you got me thinking. i don’t know. i haven’t taken a solo vacation just yet.
vera babayeva | February 5th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
This post is especially relevant to me; my husband has been on a 3-week solo vacation trip to Africa, I declined the invite because I couldn’t bear to be away from our 18 m/o for 3 weeks, and also because I had work obligations that took priority.
The separation time has been difficult, in part because I had a sick toddler on my hands, and so there were more than a few moments of bitterness on my end. I suspect that this’ll be one of his last solo vacations!
KC | February 6th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I just got back from a cruise with Barenaked Ladies with y best friend, while our husbands stayed at home and took care of our kids.
I was INCREDIBLE. I agree that having a break makes me a better, more refreshed mother. I also think having something to look forward to makes the hard times not so hard.
Now it’s my husbands turn, if he’d like to go away.
Jenn
Jenn | February 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I took a holiday to visit friends I had not seen since my school days. It was great, but my wife wouldn’t have enjoyed it.
I think families should holiday together, but as long as it is not done for the wrong reason, going alone is also good.
In the article at the above url it is mentioned as a warning, but even in troubled marriage it can serve as a much needed breather as long as it is not done in a negative way.
Steve | March 6th, 2009 at 4:07 am
I took a holiday to visit friends I had not seen since my school days. It was great, but my wife wouldn’t have enjoyed it.
I think families should holiday together, but as long as it is not done for the wrong reason, going alone is also good.
In the article at:
http://information-4u.com/marriage/ignoring-common-signs-of-marriage-problems.html
it is mentioned as a warning, but even in troubled marriage it can serve as a much needed breather as long as it is not done in a negative way.
Steve | March 6th, 2009 at 4:10 am
The article I mentioned is in
http://information-4u.com/marriage/ignoring-common-signs-of-marriage-problems.html
Steve | March 7th, 2009 at 5:29 am