Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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I am sure that you have heard about the untimely death of Natasha Richardson while she was skiing at a resort in Quebec. Due to an unforeseen accident her life is no more. This young, vivacious woman left behind a husband and children.
Nothing can get the tears rolling faster that the thought of something happening to my husband. While I encouraged him to go away with his friends on a snowmobiling trip, the fact that nineteen (NINETEEN) people have died this winter in the area that I live in (due to avalanches) made me a little fearful.
Truth be told, we have had the “Death Talk.” We have life insurance (Which we disrespectfully joke about cashing in on a weekly basis) and have talked about what would happen if one of us were to perish. We have given each other “permission” to find someone else in the case that we happened to be widowed. Which, well, is one of the weirdest conversations ever.
Hey! I love you more that life itself! But if I die, go find someone else to share your innermost thoughts with!
Blerg.
I hope that I am never in the position that I have to deal with the whole situation. In addition to loving my husband, I also like him. He makes me laugh, think and I am a better person for having him in my life. Anyone else that could possibly come into my life would have some very big shoes to fill.
That is, if I could ever get to a place where I would be open to the idea of another.
This past week we have brought up the topic again. As I mentioned above, we have life insurance but had set it up long before we had children. We think we may need to up the amount which means that we get to pee in a cup, give blood and all of that jazz.
After having friends and family chastise us for years we finally had a will drawn up last spring. We were leaving our kids with their grandparents while we jetted off to Mexico. The odds of dying in a car crash are far higher but it was that plane trip that jolted us into action. Making plans for your children after your demise is not the brightest of topics but better that we get it figured out ahead of time; I would hate for the government to decide the fate of my children.
As much as the topic of death is hardly fun, it is a necessary evil.
Have you and your spouse taken the steps to make it as easy on each other as possible?
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Yes, we made up a will shortly after Jack was born and the life insurance is order. Other than that, I don’t want to think about it.
I am with you….the thought of sharing my life with someone else is unfathomable.
Kami | March 24th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
We’re set. We’ve got life insurance, we’ve got a will (which we made before Liliana was born, but included “and future children” in it), and we’ve also given each other permission to find another if one of us should pass too soon.
We also may or may not joke about the life insurance thing a little too often - if one is pushing the other’s buttons.
That being said though, I’d be a complete wreck if Noah were the one to go first. I’ll be completely fine financially, but that’s about it.
Mrs. Wilson | March 24th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
yes, it’s a necessary evil. thanks for reminding me.
vera babayeva | March 24th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I know it is something I should have done years before now. But no we do not have a will yet. Most of my children are grown- so that is not a real problem- the youngest just has one year left of school and know either her oldest sister or the one 9 years older than her will take care of her till she is out of school.
That we have talked about.
My husband and I have talked about what to do If one of us dies before the other. And our wishes if that should happen. This for me is Husband three and don’t think I will get married for the 4th time.
eileen | March 24th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
No husband here. No will yet. It’s a little dicey here because the girls are growing up with “aunties” who would hope to remain in their lives, but my parents would most likely expect to take the kids if I died, even though they are not all that healthy. My strategy is to wait until it’s obvious to everyone that the girls are very attached to their “aunties,” so nobody will be horrified if I give the aunties custody in my will. If I died intestate, the law would automatically give custody to my parents, which wouldn’t be the end of the world either. Luckily they are dearly loved and I’d trust my parents to do right by them.
There really is no ideal setting if my daughters were disrupted (again), so as Jane Eyre said, “I must keep in good health and not die.”
SKL | March 25th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Have you read the new book “The Household guide to Dying”? I’ll be posting a review soon. It’s novel, not a how-to guide, but it really brings home the reality of planning for the end.
Daisy | March 27th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Yes, we have wills, power of attorney(s), living wills , a trust in place and guardians identified for our children. Word of advice–don’t mention the guardian issue to any family members. It caused (and is still causing) a rift in our extended family (who gets the kids, who doesn’t, why or why not). No one needs to know unless something terrible happens.
spacegeek | March 29th, 2009 at 4:06 pm