Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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While perusing the Internet this week I came across this article at ParentDish that stated that more vasectomies occur during March Madness (Original source: The Chicago Tribune.)
I found this post entertaining because, 1. My husband has had a vasectomy, 2. He is a huge fan of March Madness, and 3. He happened to have his procedure done in March (2007).
Wait a second…
The topic of having a vasectomy is one that causes a lot of discussion in our large circle of friends. It seems as though “back in the day” doctors would just tie the tubes of the mother after childbirth if the family knew they were done procreating. Nowadays, there are still a few men that feel that they will somehow be less “manly” if they have a vasectomy.
To us, it seemed to be a little ridiculous for me to undergo such an invasive surgery as getting my tubes tied. When my husband went to consult his doctor (also a family friend) about getting a referral for a vasectomy, the doctor gave him kudos. He pointed out that WOMEN CAN DIE during childbirth; it is only fair that the husband sucks it up and does his part by having a vasectomy.
It really ISN’T THAT BAD. The day that my husband had his “procedure” done he spent the rest of the day on the couch (Watching basketball. Hmm…) The next day, he was back to his normal self and puttering out in the yard.
Assuming there are no religious reasons for forbidding you from a permanent procedure, I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Would (did) your husband have a vasectomy?
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I honestly don’t know if he would have a vasectomy. We haven’t started the procreating yet so it’s not a topic that’s come up. I hope he would be open to the suggestion when the time comes.
hillary | April 3rd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Noah totally would. During the MONTHS OF EMOTIONAL HELL after Liliana was born, he was BEGGING me to let him do it (for me, having a baby=emotional hell). When I finally said yes, he got scared.
He hasn’t gotten it done yet, but not because he won’t. Because we’re still on the “should we? or shouldn’t we?” about the third child.
When it comes time for one of us to have it done, he’s having it done. And I don’t think he’ll feel any less manly. He’ll already have 2-3 kids! That’s pretty manly to me
Mrs. Wilson | April 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
ps. Noah LOVES March Madness as well. I hate March Madness. I have my reasons.
Mrs. Wilson | April 3rd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Love your question…Rob…my ex had it done after our 2nd child , I watched…it was kinda cool- - it was like him having the baby. Think it scared him when I had my youngest and had complications.
We got divorced a few years after that but had nothing to do with that. More from him going back to heavy drinking, always worrying about me- following me around all the time like he was your shadow, and not paying attention to the kids, and me getting to the age where I wanted to be happy and not willing just to settle. Yes- people do outgrow each other sometimes. Life goes on.
eileen | April 4th, 2009 at 8:16 am
My hubby always said “Hell No!!” But I think he has realized that it is much easier for a man to have a vasectomy than for a woman to get her tubes tied. And he HATES seeing me in pain. He’s also probably worried that I would never get it done, and we might end up with more kids than we agreed on : - ). If we could afford it I’d have 4 kids, and he’s happy with just the one we have.
Erica | April 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
My hubby had one about 2 weeks before The Chicken was born. I had very high risk pregnancies & am way too fertile. We talked about it & his doc agreed to do it. It was nice because when he was ready & tested zero I was ready as well.
We have a couple of friends that the man freaks out at the mere mention of vasectomy. Although they have no problem with their wives having the babies.
To each his own I guess.
Domestic Extraordinaire | April 4th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
My husband did a few months after our second son was born. It was his idea, and we both knew that this was the perfect size family for us. In our circle of friends most of the men have had a V. It’s funny… sometimes the guys will tell their vasectomy stories, like women tell birth stories. My husband had his done at a “teaching” hospital, so his story involves about twelve people (exagerrated) standing around analyzying his “man parts.” It’s funny but not entirely true. ; )
Karla E | April 4th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Rob had one. It was his idea, he felt it was the only sensible option … much less invasive than a tubal ligation and cheaper than paying for contraception for another 20 years. Plus, I was OVER being on the pill. I even watched the operation when he had it done. Looked easy enough, I’m sure I could have done it myself! LOL
Hannah | April 5th, 2009 at 5:53 am
I’m not married, but since I don’t believe I’d get myself sterilized or use hormonal or long-term birth control - and high fertility runs in my family - it would be up to my husband whether or not he wanted more kids. I’ve always wanted six. For most men I’ve met, that’s scarier than a vasectomy.
My dad had this done back in the day. After kid #6 despite having tried various forms of birth control with the last 3, I think he was afraid he’d end up with 20 if he didn’t do something. And, #5’s godfather had had it done after his #5 and highly recommended it. Of course, nobody “talked” about that in those days!
SKL | April 5th, 2009 at 8:08 am
Before I got pregnant with my third child it dawned on me that I would be okay having my tubes tied….I wasn’t fast enough since fertile murtle here got pregant again, LOL! It wasn’t that my husband wasn’t willing at all, BUT, he was slightly concerned with turning out to be that 1% chance that it took away his desires for sex. My thoughts were that I had already been through child birth and tubes being tied just didn’t seem all that bad after all.
So about a year after my third was born I actually got the essure product implanted. It was done in the clinic and it is like a sharp, but very tiny, spring was put into each one of my fallopian tubes. At that point it pretty much destroyes the fallopian tube hole by blocking it with scar tissue. After 3 months they do a special xray type procedure with dye to see if it was indeed blocked. I was free at that point to put my child bearing years behind me, can someone give me an AMEN!!!!! The kids are not so much the trouble, but pregnancy…no thank you!
The essure product is supposed to be cheaper and way less invasvive. I thought it was a little awkward having my legs up in stirrups for a good portion of time, but being able to walk out without stitches or having been put under was wonderful!
There you have it, we didn’t do the V, but the essure is a good option!
April | April 5th, 2009 at 9:16 am