Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I have two different blog friends (Whom I Have also met in real life)(Which does not negate the blog friends whom I have not met in real life)(Why do I feel the need to clarify this in 2009?)
ANYWAY.
I have two different friends, who based on their life circumstances have sold their houses and are moving to new locations. Both are also building new houses, which means that they do not have a house which they can call their very own (Yet). As such, they are moving in with their parents (along with spouses, kids and pets) until their new houses are ready.
This is where I stand and applaud them. For if I were to have to live with my parents (or my husband’s parents) I would likely end up in a nice padded room wearing a jacket that was a little hard to dance in.
This is not to knock either of our parents; I just know that it would be a complete recipe for disaster to throw my volatile personality, three vibrant kids, and all of our belongings onto a parental unit. I like where we are all at relationally; no need to mess with a good thing.
Would you move in with your parents/in-laws? Why or why not?
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In a word “No”….in two words “Hell, NO”
I love my parents and my in-laws dearly…but they both live in small houses and lead very different lives than we do…it would be a disaster.
I would move in with two of my brothers and their wives….the other two brothers, no way.
Karla E | April 28th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I don’t know about this one. If I were childless, I would consider it in order to help them get caught up on a lot of stuff - clearing out spaces full of junk, refurbishing, etc. - because their health has prevented them from keeping it up. They wouldn’t mind, because I’m not the sort of person who gets in the way. But with two tots? They would love that for a couple of days. After that? We’d have to find things to do AWAY from the house a lot of the time. And I wouldn’t get much chance to help out around the house. Oh, and one of my kids is afraid of their German Shepherd (who is stuck to my mom’s side), so that would be interesting. But I guess I’d do it if there were a really good reason for it (and no reasonable alternatives). My answer might be different if I were married.
SKL | April 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
ahem.
i am another one of your friends who will be moving in with her parents for ten months…
ali | April 28th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Yes, and yes. I wouldn’t do it as a lark, but Troy and I both get along really well with my mom and dad and his mom and stepdad. There would be some tension because of small houses, but we all have senses of humor and I am confident we would make it work for as long as necessary.
bethany actually | April 28th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I would LOVE to move in with my Mom and Step-Dad. My Mom and I are best friends, and my Step dad and husband get a long beautifully! I hate the town they live in (the town I grew up in), but I could handle it for a short time (like a year or so)
I would rather live in a run down trailer with no heat / AC or running water than live with my Mother-In-Law. I think that about sums it up. : - ) She is a wonderful person but she would drive me nuts. My husband agrees with me on that.
Erica | April 28th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
no
just … no
hillary | April 28th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Don’t think I could move in with my parents. No way. First, there is the logistical issue — we live in different states. Second is the sanity issue. My in-laws would be a possibility if they lived closer, but it would also depend on the amount of time. I think we would do what many we know have done — rent while we are waiting and hope that it does not take too long.
Liann | April 28th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
My parents? NO WAY NO HOW NEVER EVER NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I don’t even like STAYING with them.
Noah’s parents? It could work short term. They are both very accommodating, non-invasive, and don’t get in the way of our parenting.
That being said, I don’t want to live with either of our parent, but if we ABSOLUTELY HAD TO, I’d be okay with living with Noah’s.
Mrs. Wilson | April 28th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
We’ve actually discussed this recently, given the economy. As an absolute LAST resort, we would consider moving in with my parents. It would take ALOT of adjustment for everyone, but i think it could be done.
When hell freezes over, pigs fly and God visits me in person, we can consider living with the in-laws.
mama k | April 28th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Karla - WORD to the “Hell, NO”
SKL - Many trips out would help…
Ali - I already told you this via email, but you were one of the friends I was referring to
Bethany - I envy your relationships!
Erica - Also. WORD.
Hillary - Dude. I understand. Completely.
Liann - I would rent. Even if it mean going into debt. SERIOUSLY.
Mrs. Wilson - Noah’s parents seem pretty great.
mamak - Your comment made me laugh. Hard. It’s funny because it is true…
Angella | April 28th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
They ARE! I mean, they’re OBVIOUSLY not perfect - but they’re VERY easy to get along with. We were friends - I even went on a trip with them - BEFORE I met Noah. They rule.
Mrs. Wilson | April 28th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
No. I love my parents, and I love visiting them, but I would go absolutely bonkers if I had to spend more than a week living there. They live on a small island comprised of nothing but cottages and a few summer camps, and you have to take a short boat ride to the small mainland town do anything (get groceries, go to the movies, eat a meal at a restaurant, ANYTHING).
I enjoy the break from the city life every now and then, but there’s a reason why I moved away from there as fast as I could once high school was over. I needed more people around me, and more to do. I’m not cut out for the small town life.
Sharon | April 28th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I don’t think many people would do it without really, really having to do it, you know? We actually moved in with Mike’s (husband) parents right after we graduated from college. We really couldn’t afford any other situation. We moved everything into storage, into their attic and into our 10×10 room. It was … interesting, but we had to do it and in hindsight I’m so glad we did. I’m also so glad we were able to do it. I will forever be indebted to them for allowing us. But, looking back, I sure was in constant need of a drink.
She Likes Purple | April 28th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I love the hell to the no on the in-laws. I. would. die. Literally. Of smoke inhalation. FIL smokes like a chimney. Lovely people but death does not appeal.
And my mom and I are very close and also? VERY alike. We would kill each other.
So, yeah, that would be a no from all sides. We would rent. And go into debt.
Kami | April 28th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
In this situation, I probably would not move in with my family. My parents live in a small two bedroom home with one full bath and one half bath. I think if I had to deal with that during the construction of my new home, I would likely end up in the padded cell next door to you!
However…. if I lost my job and my husband lost his and we could not pay the bills to have a home, I would consider living with my parents while I found a new job. If I did not have money to pay rent, I would clean, do chores, or help out in any way needed to “pay” back for my time there.
I have an aunt (in her 50’s) who quit her job three years ago and still has not found a new one. My grandparents are helping her with her expenses but I feel she should move in with them until she found a job and help out around the house to pay back for all they have given her.
Lisa | April 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Good question…too funny most of the answers. But if push ever came to shove amazing what people would actually do.
Wish I had my parents around still to be able to think about the idea. I would love to spend the time with my Mom and for her to know my children better. She passed before the youngest was born so never got a chance to see and meet her. I miss that for her.
My next to oldest moved in and out a few times…till the last time she moved out and married her 1st DH and now has 6 children and in her 2nd and hopefully last marriage. He is really good with all the children.
My oldest I’d let her move back home to get on her feet if she needed it-she is very responsible and I know it would be okay. And her family is small. They did move back with us for a short while when they moved back here.
You don’t miss what you have until you don’t have it anymore.
Eileen | April 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am
If we lost our house to foreclosure and did not have income, we would move in with one or the other set of parents out of desperation. If we were just in transition, and had the means, we would rent an apartment for a few months. I love my parents; I love my in-laws; but I need my own space.
Robyn | April 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Been there, done that. With the in laws. Or rather, we all moved to a very large home with the intention of building a second house (for his parents) on the same property. 6 months later, we went our separate ways. 3 years later, the relationship still isn’t what it was before we moved in together. We all thought it was a good idea at the time… it wasn’t.
spacegeek | April 29th, 2009 at 7:18 pm