with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I distinctly remember the first year of marriage in which I would often glance at my husband and be stopped in my tracks.
I am married. I have a husband. I am a WIFE.
Whoa.
Over the years those (near daily) moments became fewer and further between. The more common moments of revelation seem to be when I am driving my kids around. I will look in the rear-view mirror and see these three insanely unique human beings and be smacked in the face with their sheer awesomeness.
A few weeks ago I emailed a friend to thank her for a professional opportunity she had set me up with. In the midst of our email exchange, she told me that she and her husband had recently separated. I did not know exactly what to say, so I said what came naturally.
I’m sorry.
She wrote back to thank me for saying the perfect thing. So many people had asked her, “What went wrong?” or “What happens now?” All I could think to say was that I was sorry, and she appreciated it.
Yesterday afternoon I stumbled across this article (from MSN.com) that stated Chris Brown had pled guilty to assault. I don’t generally watch a lot of television or submerse myself in gossip magazines, but this whole situation has been very prominent in the news ever since the incident happened.
The thing is, I have never experienced abuse. My parents have flaws, yes, but they never once laid a hand on me or subjected me to mental terror. I married a man who in nine years of marriage has never (NEVER) said anything derogatory, condescending, or hurtful to me. He is my biggest supporter, my source of encouragement, my number one fan.
I wrote a big, fat, ranting post over on my personal site yesterday and the response has been overwhelming. When pondering what to write over here for today’s post I thought that maybe it was time to rant a little in the marriage department.
A while back I had thrown out the question to you guys about what you wanted to hear (I’m too lazy busy to search for and link to that post). One reader had asked if I could talk about the things that my husband and I struggle with and I have yet to address it.
I can’t believe that I’ve been writing about marriage here for eight months or so (Because I’m such an expert. Ha!) and have never addressed the topic of soul mates.
There is often talk of people meeting “The One.” They believe that there is only one person on the entire planet Earth who is meant for them and when they find THAT ONE, then everything is all sunshine and roses. Or something like that.
Do I personally believe in soul mates? Not at all.
While perusing the interwebs for marriage and relationship articles I came across an article by Wendy over at The Frisky titled, “How Long Should You Wait Before Getting Engaged?”
In her post she referenced a post by Dan Savage over at Nerve where he said, “Three months — eight months, sixteen months — is way too soon to be discussing marriage.”
And then I laughed out loud.
Categories: Uncategorized, children, commitment, marriage
I read an article on CNN titled Jon and Kate plus hate? Ways to deal with common relationship stress (It’s a great article; I suggest you go read it). I thought that the points shared were worth discussing here. Marriage is hard enough as it is, but there are certain things that trigger stress and can make things even harder on the both of you.
1. A growing family
No kidding! Bringing home your very first newborn is a very stressful time. Are they eating enough? Are they eating too much? Are they sleeping enough? Are they sleeping too much? You’re likely getting your sleep in one to two hour increments (If you’re lucky) and we all know that sleep deprivation can wreak havoc on your emotions.
Each stage of childhood brings its own stresses and when you keep adding kids to the mix, the stress level can rise. Keeping your marriage relationship strong through communicating and spending time together just the two of you is vital.
Nataly sent me this link for an article titled, “Is marrying for money worth it?”
Base on the title, I thought I could ramble on about how I truly believe that love is not merely a feeling; it is a commitment. I thought I could debate the point that based on the number of people in the world who come together via arranged marriages, and subsequently are deeply in love, that an argument for marrying for money could possibly be made.
Then I read this quote from a book that they cited:
The book contains a lot of other advice that the average mother wouldn’t care, or dare, to hand down: that sexual fulfillment is dependent on discovering yourself through masturbation; that it is imperative to marry young, while you have the seductive powers of the sexually attractive and fecund; to be aware that men are prone to trading up, “once you no longer have great skin or look great in jeans”.
I know that my column is supposed to be about marriage and relationships. I try to think of life lessons that my husband and I have learned and share them here. We are in no way experts but have been married for nine years now, with the aim to make it to forever.
When I sat down to write my post for today I pondered what had happened with us this week that I could write about and one word came to mind:
PMS
