Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I know that my column is supposed to be about marriage and relationships. I try to think of life lessons that my husband and I have learned and share them here. We are in no way experts but have been married for nine years now, with the aim to make it to forever.
When I sat down to write my post for today I pondered what had happened with us this week that I could write about and one word came to mind:
PMS
Which, if you want to get technical, is actually three (Two?) words. Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
I do not get overly hormonal (Do you hear that sound? It’s my husband laughing hysterically). Honestly, though, I have it easier than most women. I do not have an entire week of raging hormones that turn me into a flaming ball of fury with the intent to seek and destroy anyone who dares wander into her path.
However.
I usually do have one day of The Nasty. I will be grumpy, pissy, and cry at iPhone commercials (Don’t ask). I am a raging hot mess. This is awful and such, but I am at least cognizant enough to know what is happening and am thankful for the warning so that I can pick up “supplies.”
My husband is great about it all. He will often see my attitude change before I do and has mastered the technique of mentioning that I mightpossiblymaybebuthecouldbewrongzndmyhaveItoldyouhowprettyyouare be dealing with some additional hormones.
He also knows that when the crimson tide actually does arrive, it is a bit of a bad scene. I need to take prescription painkillers to deal with the discomfort, and even with them I have one day where I can feel the pain in my bones. He does even more than he normally does to help me out and if he has to work that day he tells me to rest when I can and make Kraft Dinner (Macaroni and Cheese, for my American friends) for supper.
I know that hormones and all of their upheaval can cause a serious strain on a marriage relationship (Who wants to be married to THE CRAZY LADY?) I am again thankful that I married a man who knows that I am not (entirely) crazy, and that I actually need a little extra support a few days a month (or so) (I have an irregular cycle) (TMI?)
I’d love to hear how PMS plays out in your house. Lest you think it is all sunshine and daisies over here, I will point you to a Twitter update I threw out last night:
Me: “Huh. I got my monthly without the day of PMS TERROR beforehand.” Him: “Actually…” Me: “Pipe it, if you’d like to live another day.”
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I too have the Pre Menstrual Crazies. As does poor Giggles. Hubs is really nice though and mentions it after the fact. I hear that he tells the girls to lay low so that they don’t rock my hormonal boat.
Domestic Extraordinaire | June 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I’m not married, and as for my daughters, I am sure they will get me back many times over when they are both 13 (Lord help me). But I remember one day at work when my boss made the slightest squeak of discontent, and I sad in an ominous voice: “I’m in a really bad mood today so I suggest you steer clear.” About 4 hours later he made another peep and I gave him hell. After the following moments of silence, I said, “I did warn you.” He admitted, “yes you did.” The rest of the day was unusually quiet. I never mentioned PMS but I give him the benefit of the doubt that he knew. I usually don’t get affected in the extreme, but apparently there are exceptions . . . .
SKL | June 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
its funny. I always ask my honey if im nearing my cycle. he knows better than i do. its like i have amnesia each month. for some reason i always go project crazy. i want to do everything at once. i evaluate every relationship i have and then make snide comments about how we are not going to make it and the world is doomed.
im a pleasure to be around! i was also raised in texas. he’s from kentucky. so im loud and dramatic. so like a good southern man he helps me with the projects and calmly answers me with “yes honey, its coming soon.” luckily i crack him up 3 weeks out of the year. luckily i crack myself up. otherwise i think all of us ladies would commit suicide. i wish we could evolve to where its maybe twice a year.
gwendolyn | June 2nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
The only clue I get is a craving for chocolate, which is something I otherwise never seem to want. [sigh]
I wanted to let you know that this blog inspired my post today by allowing me to feel better about writing about sensitive issues. ; )
Phe | June 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Oh, the NASTY for real. I never got terrible cramps or anything but the day of horribleness? Awful stuff, that. DH is okay with it. We usually both have an Aha! moment at the end of the day of BAD. Oh, you’re/I’m… oooohhh, that explains it.
St | June 2nd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I get PMS pretty bad, but that has only been happening for the past couple of years. I NEVER used to get it at all! Luckily, I don’t get really moody or emotional, but I have quite severe physical symptoms (SORE BOOBS!) which makes me a little grumpy. Sadly, I have said symptoms for a good WEEK before my period arrives.
Like you, I also have to take prescription drugs for period pain, and I’m usually pretty immobile on the first day. This is normal for me, since I was 11 years old. Having endometriosis makes it even more painful. Fun! My husband is incredibly understanding and has always been more than willing to rub my back, heat up the wheat pack, make me hot chocolates and take over ALL parenting/household duties while I’m feeling horrid. He’s da man.
Hannah | June 2nd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I used to have a few moody days right before my period, but ever since I’ve been off the pill I get the crazy on the day I ovulate instead. It took my husband and I a few months to figure that one out! We had gotten so used to the old schedule
HollyLynne | June 2nd, 2009 at 7:21 pm
I get super extra depressed and cry at even a look. I start cramping up, crave sweets, and Sam usually sends me to my room to go to bed if I’m being really terrible. He knows I don’t do it on purpose, and is so awesome about forgiving me!
Meg | June 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm