with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Base on the title, I thought I could ramble on about how I truly believe that love is not merely a feeling; it is a commitment. I thought I could debate the point that based on the number of people in the world who come together via arranged marriages, and subsequently are deeply in love, that an argument for marrying for money could possibly be made.
Then I read this quote from a book that they cited:
The book contains a lot of other advice that the average mother wouldn’t care, or dare, to hand down: that sexual fulfillment is dependent on discovering yourself through masturbation; that it is imperative to marry young, while you have the seductive powers of the sexually attractive and fecund; to be aware that men are prone to trading up, “once you no longer have great skin or look great in jeans”.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
“sexual fulfillment is dependent on discovering yourself through masturbation”
I don’t masturbate. Because I have sex with my husband pretty much DAILY. If people want to masturbate, then fly at ‘er. However. To state that sexual fulfillment is “dependent” on it is a bunk of bunk, in my humble opinion. I am perfectly fulfilled. Ahem.
“it is imperative to marry young, while you have the seductive powers of the sexually attractive and fecund”
What is defined as “young”? I was twenty-five when I got married. Is that over-the-hill? Then what about my friends who are older?
“to be aware that men are prone to trading up, “once you no longer have great skin or look great in jeans””
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS STEREOTYPICAL.
My skin may be a tad more wrinkly than it was at twenty-five, but I take great pains to keep it in the best condition I can. As for looking great in jeans, I am in better shape now than I was when I got married. Fitness has nothing to do with whether you are married or not. It is a personal decision that all women make, regardless of their marital status.
And then there was this quote:
“Even really smart women are victims of the Cinderella syndrome — it’s a cultural thing,” says the really smart woman Merryn Somerset Webb, editor in chief of MoneyWeek. “Still, when women envisage their future, there’s always this implicit assumption someone else will pay for it.”
I CALL BULLSHIT. (Can I say that word here? Too late.)
I am a Chartered Accountant, which is equivalent to being a CPA in the USA. In the first few years of our marriage, I was the primary breadwinner while my husband started his own business. His career is market-driven, and he was in a boom when we had each of our three babies. I barely worked. In this struggling economy, I am now back to work and our income is pretty equal.
I never “expect that someone else will pay for it.” I have worked since I was fourteen years old. I paid my way through school, paid all of my bills when I moved out on my own, paid all of my tuition fees. Nobody paid my way. EVER.
Now that I am married, what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine. As I said above, we work when we can and everything goes into a pot. That aside, I know that should anything happen to my husband, I would be OK. Aside from insurance, I have a career that I can bank on.
In addition to what I said above, I truly believe that money should have no part of the decision to marry. Should you have a connection? Yes. Should you share common values? Absolutely. Should you share the same goals when it comes to having a family (or not)? Obviously.
In addition to this, I truly believe that love is a commitment. There may be days when you do not like your spouse as much as you probably should, but in the scheme of eternity it does not matter. You have both made a commitment. You need to work on that commitment while making it as fun as possible.
For richer or for poorer.
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