Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I can’t believe that I’ve been writing about marriage here for eight months or so (Because I’m such an expert. Ha!) and have never addressed the topic of soul mates.
There is often talk of people meeting “The One.” They believe that there is only one person on the entire planet Earth who is meant for them and when they find THAT ONE, then everything is all sunshine and roses. Or something like that.
Do I personally believe in soul mates? Not at all.
This may come as a surprise based on the last post I wrote where I asked how long you dated before you got engaged. I mentioned that we were married within six months of our first date because we just KNEW.
Does this mean that we think that we think we are “soul mates”? Nope.
While we believe in God and believe that it is our shared faith that brought us together, we also believe that things could have panned out differently. If either of us had made different life choices we might never have met. And maybe we would have just KNOWN with another.
While that whole thought is kind of odd, seeing as how I cannot fathom that there is another man on the planet who could be a better match for me than my husband, I believe it to be true.
Do you believe in soul mates?
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Nope - not at all. I believe in attraction and I believe in chemistry and I believe that when two people really want to make it work they can.
hillary | June 16th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I think it depends on your definition of “soul mates”…if it’s two people who believe in the same things, tend to think somewhat alike, and fight for those shared beliefs (which is always what my definition of the term has been) the yes I do believe in soul mates. Do I believe that there is one perfect mate out there for you? No, I think there are several.
kakaty | June 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am
I can’t really explain why, but yes, I believe in soul mates. When my husband and I were kinda dating, not seriously, and I knew that eventually he was going to move away and had no plans on taking me… I told him, “Honey, I don’t know if it’ll be 5 years from now, or 50, but one day we will be married” I just knew that he was the man I was going to grow old with. We have now been together 10 1/2 years, and married for almost 7 years.
Erica | June 16th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Maybe by kakaty’s definition, I do believe in soul mates. But I agree with her, I don’t believe there’s just one person out there for you. That would be scary. I mean, what if my one person lives in a hut on a mountain in Tibet and doesn’t speak English? I say that sarcastically, but really. If there’s just one person on this earth of 6 billion people for you, then what are the chances you would actually find them? Pretty slim, I would think.
sparklytosingle | June 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
No, I most certainly do NOT believe in “soul mates.” One of the biggest reasons I don’t believe is because the idea of “soul mates” completely removes all responsibility for the success or failure of the relationship from the parties involved. Didn’t work out? Must not have been soul mates. It couldn’t possibly be because one party didn’t do what it took to make it work? Not what you expected? Must not be soul mates. Better go find the “right” person.
No. Marriage is a CHOICE, not something destined or fated to be. It’s a committment you make, not something that you “fall” into. You make it work. Or you don’t. But you can’t claim that you simply married the wrong person.
Plus, what about people whose spouses die? Are they SOL because they already had their one chance with their soul mate? No way. Ridiculous.
Robyn | June 16th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I’m so glad you posted about this. Nope, I don’t either. I don’t believe that if I hadn’t met Mike, I would have been unhappy and unfilled. I don’t believe I couldn’t possibly have had a happy relationship with someone else. I think happiness is a choice, something you design yourself. And I think that giving fate or the Universe or whatever credit for my relationship takes the responsibility off of me, and that just ain’t right. I won’t let anyone take credit for my relationship with my husband. We work hard at it. It’s because of us that we work, not because of timing or because we’re just “meant to be.” Sorry, but the dishes and the bills and the kid’s schedules don’t care about soul mates. They care that we put in as much effort and time and patience as it takes to stay happy and kind to one another.
She Likes Purple | June 16th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
No, I don’t. I think you find someone that you’re compatible with and you work at it. Sometimes you have to work on it harder than other times. But no, I do not believe in soul mates.
Mrs. Wilson | June 16th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
No, I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe God was responsible for bringing my husband and I together, but like the other posters, I don’t think there is only ONE perfect mate for everyone.
Hannah | June 16th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Yes, I completly do believe in Soul Mates. I feel that no matter whart our life choices would have been, we would have been drawn to each other and always come back to each other. I also believe that our life experiences and opinions can cloud our feelings, which is why you still have to work at a marriage or relationship to make the bond you have with your soul mate work. I also believe in reincarnation and that in every life, we will find each other and be drawn to each other. In my opinion, everything happens for a reason but getting to the end result is the journey we take. My husband and I dated for a bit early on and broke up. I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and that I was dying. We got back together a year later and have never looked back. I could never imagine anyone else on this planet that I have such a deep bond with.
Lisa | June 17th, 2009 at 8:33 am