Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I wrote a big, fat, ranting post over on my personal site yesterday and the response has been overwhelming. When pondering what to write over here for today’s post I thought that maybe it was time to rant a little in the marriage department.
A while back I had thrown out the question to you guys about what you wanted to hear (I’m too lazy busy to search for and link to that post). One reader had asked if I could talk about the things that my husband and I struggle with and I have yet to address it.
I will have you know that I do not like to post anything negative about my husband online for two reasons: 1. He really is pretty freaking amazing, and 2. I promised to love and honor him; knocking him down would not be honoring him.
However.
There is one point of contention between us that we talk about (and laugh about) often: My husband likes to do stuff “later.” This often means that there will be consequences which will inconvenience someone (usually me).
If you’re not sure what I am talking about, here’s an example:
We have two vehicles, each of which have FM transmitters so that we can play music from our iPods. One of them does not work with my iPhone for some reason. This means that if it’s the one in the van when I’m the one shuttling our kids around, I can’t drown them out play music that they like.
He went out to get some stuff from the truck the other night. I asked him to switch the transmitters while he was out there. When he got back inside I asked him if he had switched them, to which he replied, “I’ll do it in the morning.” I laughed and told him that he’d forget.
“I’ll write it on my morning list and will switch them before I leave for work.”
I got into the van the next morning and WHAT DO YOU KNOW? He hadn’t switched them before he left. Shocking.
I know that it isn’t a huge deal, but there are times when “later” has had more serious consequences. They just don’t need to be posted on the Internet.
I am sure that you all never have issues in your relationship (*cough*) but if you do and need to rant, feel free to do so below.
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I totally understand what you mean.
Domestic Extraordinaire | June 19th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Sadly, I think most of the issues in our marriage are my fault.
Troy really is practically perfect in every way! But he’s in the Navy, which means we have to deal with long separations every once in a while, which sucks. Also, Troy is a “piler.” He makes big giant piles of papers and things he’s going to deal with later. I would be lying if I said that never bugged me. He DOES deal with them eventually. I just have to wait months sometimes before he does. Luckily, I’m somewhat of a procrastinator myself so it doesn’t bother me too much.
Honestly, I can think of many more things I do that probably bug him…but because he’s so awesome he isn’t bothered by them as much as I would be if I were him.
bethany actually | June 19th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Beer.
I do not understand why my wonderful hubby has to have a beer (or 3 or 5) six days a week. It drives me nuts. And he KNOWS it drives me nuts, but has never made an effort to cut back. He doesn’t get “drunk”, he’s never hostile or abusive, so some people would say “then what’s the problem?” It just drives me crazy. I don’t feel like there is a reason to drink beer everyday (especially when its not even good beer and he has the best wife in the world). When he’s drinking, I am not attracted to him (he reminds me of a story my mom told me about my alcoholic father in a speedo, which is not a good picture in my head when Hubby is giving me his buzzed sexy look…) Yet he complains that I don’t “put out” enough. I’ve told him all he has to do is cutback to drinking on weekends only, and he’d get “it” more.
Whew! Thanks. That feels better. : - )
Erica | June 19th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I was trying to think of something that annoys me more than the “later” thing but I honestly can’t! So Amen Sista!!
Michelle | June 19th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Rob is not very good at wiping crumbs off the bench. He is a messy sandwich-maker. He is also a messy cook. I actually feel a bit bad complaining about those things, since he makes the boys’ sandwiches for their lunches EVERYDAY, and cooks dinner every Monday and ANY OTHER NIGHT I don’t feel like doing it.
I DO really hate the crumbs and after-dinner-mess though!! It’s not THAT hard to clean as you go!!
Hannah | June 19th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
I am SO the “later” person. It’s really bad. It may or may not drive my husband INSANE.
Mrs. Wilson | June 19th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Why is there a constant pile of clothes on the floor on his side of the bed? I’ll never know… nor can I seem to get him to stop. Meh. Things could be worse
Jennifer | June 19th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
okay…I do appreciate when he does help out and cook. But can’t stand how messy he is when he does. Must be nice not to worry about what a mess your making because- someone else is going to clean it up. I will never understand why they don’t think of that and give us more consideration. And besides myself my DH will be the first to admit that he is “Lazy”. If I had a son I would raise him to be helpful and a kind of man that a woman would “love” to have as a husband.
Hey..thanks for letting me rant….it does make one feel better.
Eileen | June 20th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Shall I make a list? *grin* (I adore my husband, he’s wonderful most of the time, and cares a great deal for both my daughter and I, but sometimes he drives me nuts!)
- LATER- which means never, ever, finish a project completely. The entire house is in a state of “I’ll finish it later” (though I do some of this too)
-laundry- I’m pretty much the only one who does it, and why can’t it get INTO the basket, rather than next to it?
-shopping- see above (minus the basket *grin*)
-daughter dinner issues. This is a new one. She always wants cereal, I want her to eat real dinner food. He lets her have cereal. No wonder she keeps asking me!
The other stuff is probably not internet-appropriate. *grin*
Cirrus | June 20th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Oh Jennifer! My hubby has a pile of clothes on his side of the bed too!! It use to drive me crazy until I figured out what that pile is. He told me its his “I’ve worn them, but they aren’t dirty enough to wash yet pile” So I totally ignore them or if it gets too bad I’ll fold them and leave them on the floor.
: - )
Erica | June 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm