Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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This will probably come as no surprise to anyone who knows me even a little bit: I am a social being. I took one of those quizzes once and it told me that I was an introverted extrovert. That sums me up pretty perfectly. I do need my down time and feel the most balanced if I have quiet time to read and to write and to just recharge.
On the other hand, if I am at a social gathering I become entirely energized and lose all track of time while I sit and chat with with friends of mine. I look forward to these times of connecting, so much so that I go on regular girls’ night and usually take a few solo trips a year to spend time with these people whom I hold close to my heart.
Yes, I take solo trips. Without my husband or my children. It’s not that I don’t want my husband to join me; I ask him every single time if he wants to come along. His reply is usually involves a “hell to the no” and he will often mention something along the lines of, “Sticking a fork in my eyeball would be much more enjoyable.”
It’s not that he’s an anti-social person; he just isn’t overly social. We have a few couples who we are close friends with and enjoy the times we manage to get together, with our without our collective gaggle of children. He and the guys spend days snowmobiling in the winter and ATV-ing in the summer, but it doesn’t happen on a regular basis.
As soon as any mention of a “party” or “company” or any kind of large social function, he gets this pinched look on his face that is a little different than the one he gets when he has to drop a load. He loves our friends and family, but while I get a charge from spending times with people, he is exactly the opposite. He’d rather do a small gathering (once in awhile) and he apart from that is happy to putter out in his shop or trek out into the middle of nowhere with a fishing rod.
If he balked at even hanging out with our close friends, I’d likely have an issue with this difference in our personalities. As it is, I respect his need for alone time and he respects my need for interaction.
How about you? Are you the more social one, or is it your spouse who craves the crowd?
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Noah and I are EXACTLY THE SAME. (As you and Matthew, not each other.) My parents are the same as well, and my mom was always angry at my dad for it. I was always angry that she was angry at him for it. YOU PICKED HIM. YOU MARRIED HIM. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIM.
Um, hi! I have anger issues.
I’m totally okay with it. I love my solo trips, and he loves staying home. We often go to visit his parents (who I LOVE) and we’re social TOGETHER there.
Mrs. Wilson | September 1st, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I’m probably a little more extroverted than Rob, but we are pretty similar overall. Both of us would be a little “shy” at gatherings where we don’t know people all that well, but when we are amongst friends, we are both fairly extroverted!
Hannah | September 1st, 2009 at 3:37 pm
We have the same situation as you and Matthew except that I am the introvert and Shawn is the extrovert. He is a social butterfly and I am the homebody. It causes friction sometimes, but it’s always minor and easily fixed if one of us is a bit more flexible in our expectations of the other.
hillary | September 1st, 2009 at 5:06 pm
It sounds like the two of you are just like my husband and me. In fact we just came back from a family trip that had a few too many other families involved (I think it was six families). He’s now told me that he’d rather I go on vacations (with or without the kids) while he stays at home (with or without the kids). I’m glad to see that I’m not the only woman who is soon-to-be vacationing solo.
Marilyn | September 1st, 2009 at 5:15 pm
We are kind of the same. We stick with a small circle of friends mostly with whom we are very social. We both do not enjoy BIG parties.
Lakshmi | September 2nd, 2009 at 10:14 am
My husband and I are both introverts. We enjoy staying at home much more than socializing. But we both enjoy social times with a few good friends. Big parties — not so much. If we have company over, it’s because I’ve decided to ‘just do it’. And usually it’s all good.
Aneta | September 3rd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
My ex would say he was the extrovert and when he’s out he is way more pleasant and sociable but you had to drag him out of the house, even if it was HIS friends hosting the party!
I like being AROUND others, but not really interacting. On a day when she is with her dad, you may find me reading a book at a local sidewalk cafe.
So I guess we each had our own introvert/extrovert pieces.
Mich | September 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm