I have mentioned more than a few times that my husband and I do not fight very often. By “not very often” I mean, “I can’t remember the last time we truly fought.” We disagree, debate and discuss but it so rarely turns into a Really Big Deal. Part of it is due to the fact that we are inherently compatible, part of it is due to the fact that he is a quiet, calming force in stark contrast to my high-energy nature, and part of it is due to the fact that I am a smidgen on the conniving side.

That’s right. I plot and I ploy and I scheme. It’s all for the greater good. For the most part. Let me explain.

My husband (never reads these posts which means I can confess this, and) is great and wonderful and truly a far better parent than I will ever be. I have just learned that timing is everything when it comes to bringing up certain topics.

There was that time when we were a mere year into our marriage and a good friend of mine was getting married four hours from here. I went up a day early with another friend and my husband came up in time for the wedding. He’s a pretty shy guy in general and not knowing most of the attendees was a little tough. I gave him that. However. My attempts to engage him with others (and me) were responded to with what I tell my children is a “Bad Attitude.”

I gave up on trying and just spent the evening hanging out with my girlfriends. I knew that he would see the error of his ways and come around; I also knew that if I were to bring it up he would be defensive. So, I remained silent. On the drive home he sheepishly apologized for his bad attitude. I told him that I knew he’d come around but waited for him to do it on his own. We still refer to that situation when it happens again (and again and again).

I used this same strategy when it comes to something I want to do that he (would be miserable joining me at, and) would mean that he’s left at home with the kids. If he’s having a stressful day/week I wait until things are more balanced before approaching him with my idea. It works like a charm.

Lest he look like the fool, he pulls the same trick on me. Often.

While I am all about keeping the lines of communication open, sometimes the lines are a little bit clogged. Waiting until you know that your spouse is ready to hear what you have to say or realize that they may be a little off-base is a much better alternative to picking fights that don’t need to happen.

At least that’s how we roll over here.