Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Nataly forwarded me this article from the Washington Street Journal titled, “For Better or Worse, Fewer Couples Tie the Knot.” The gist of the article is that fewer people are getting married because they either are afraid that they will soon receive a pink slip or they simply cannot afford the whole cermony/reception side of things.
The article states that the average cost of a wedding these days is $16,000. That’s the average. I don’t doubt that it’s true. My husband’s uncle got married in California over fifteen years ago and her family spent $25,000 on the wedding. I’m not even kidding.
When my college roommate got engaged, her parents gave her a choice. She could have a big wedding with all of the trimmings, or she could have a tine wedding limited to family members only and have a huge down payment on a house. She opted for the smaller wedding but called me the week before crying because she wished I could have been there. Had I not been a starving student at the time, I would have booked a ticket and crashed her wedding.
When my husband and I became engaged we were pretty much on our own when it came to paying for the wedding. My parents (divorced a few times over, and thus not rolling in the dough) chipped in the little that they could. My husband’s parents bought my dress, which was great. It was off the rack (Gasp!) but I loved it. I still do. It was The One.
We went about everything as economically as we could. We had both the ceremony and reception at our church, which was free. We made our own wedding invitations, had our flowers done by a “freelancer” (Which, when they showed up on my my wedding day, I HATED) and created all of our own centerpieces, etc.
We managed to get married and book our honeymoon for a little under $10,000. The day was amazing, we got to see friends and family we rarely see and had a lot of laughs. However. Ever since then we have told people (if they ask us) to elope. All of the trimmings left us married, yes, but also with depleted bank accounts.
If we were to go back and do it again we would give up all of the paper, the flowers and the vellom. But not the honeymoon to Mexico.
Do you think that the big wedding ceremony is worth the cost? Or would eloping be a good idea?
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I guess you can say that we eloped. Hubs had just finished boot camp in IL and my mom and I with Giggles drove there to see him. We got married in a courthouse. If I had it to do over would I have a big fancy wedding? No, I probalby wouldn’t. I don’t miss that. I guess I would probably have loved to have a reception or a honeymoon. But I honestly don’t think of it. Someday I hope to have a nice dinner party for one of our anniversaries, but that will wait until the kids are off. I would think such things silly while they are here needing us (and our moola-LOL)
Heather at Domestic Extraordinaire | October 2nd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
We wanted to elope. My mother knew that I wanted to elope so shortly after we got engaged she laid a monstrosity of a guilt trip on me about how horrible it is when people elope and their families can’t be involved in the wedding and how hurt she would be if anyone of us ever eloped. It was … brutal. Also brutal from a financial standpoint - my parents did chip in a bit of cash but we were on the hook for most of it. We did a lot of the wedding stuff ourselves (cheap-o flowers done by my aunt, cheap-o programs printed on our home printer, homemade favours) but our wedding still cost us about $12,000 (I never added it up for a final total because it depressed me too much.)
hillary | October 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Weddings are soooo not worth it and are waaaaay overrated. Have a party to celebrate, but save the money for an awesome honeymoon or a down payment on a house. There are myriad better ways to spend $10,000 than on a day that should only be one in the thousands of a happy marriage.
Coach J | October 2nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Why pay a huge amount of money for what is basically, a big party? It doesn’t make sense to start off your married life in debt or with depleted savings. The very best wedding I went to was on an island community. All the people made something to eat and brought it to the reception. I love the energy of potlucks, and everyone feels they had a part in it.
witchypoo | October 2nd, 2009 at 3:59 pm
We had a small big wedding, if that makes sense. About 120 people, which was 100 more than I wanted, but my family is GINORMOUS and we couldn’t get around it without eloping. We spent just under $8,000 - honeymoon to California included. And we paid for $7,000 of that ourselves.
I would have rather eloped. And then gone on the honeymoon.
Mrs. Wilson | October 2nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
All tolled, between me and Aaron, my parents and his parents, we probably spent $40-45,000 on our wedding and honeymoon. I don’t regret it. But we also paid cash for everything. I wouldn’t have gone into debt for it, but to me having that memory and those photos and staying at the Four Seasons? Worth it.
slynnro | October 4th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
This is something I’m wrestling with now. I keep saying we’re going to keep it cheap and then I see stuff I LOVE. But, at this point, we’re both in our 30s, we have our own money and the investment from our parents will be minimal. So, if we’re wasting money, it’s our own.
Rhi | October 5th, 2009 at 7:52 am
We discussed eloping or having a small destination wedding but we really wanted some family with us that are too ill to travel. Plus, I have two sisters with six weddings between them, and they eloped all six times. I’m the youngest and my parents still haven’t seen a wedding. The guilt was going to be awful.
We didn’t want to spend a fortune on one day when we could buy new furniture and retirement accounts instead (already have a house). We decided to REALLY limit the guest list. As in, just parents, siblings, and super close friends. No big bridal party either. However, our families insisted that we invite all of our cousins and some of their friends.
So, we compromised with our families. If you want to invite someone, you pay for the cost of them to be there. That includes invitations, favors, food, drink, extra cost of a bigger location, etc. I’m lucky enough to have talented friends who offered their services (photography, flowers, dresses) as their wedding gift, aka for free! We are paying for our bridal party and our clothing.
We still make the decisons about wedding details and if someone has a problem, then they don’t have to pay for/invite anyone. We have taken someone’s thoughts into consideration but, ultimately, it is our choice and our wedding.
We are putting in about $3,000 for a nice wedding with 150 people. More people than we wanted but it doesn’t hurt or bank accounts any. If we get any crap, we have said we will elope b/c we already have a dress, tux, and rings so we could do it anytime we want. No crap has occurred.
Cheryl | October 5th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I am traditionalist.. and i like the traditional weddings. Being Indian, a small wedding is 200 people (Unheard of). Indian weddings = Over 500 people of which the bride and groom combined would know may be 100. The rest of people are all parents and inlaws freinds and family.
Three day event, lots of colors, flowers, traditions and music.
I like the traditions and the party atmosphere.. and love the 2-3 day of activities…..i would however prefer it with lesser people = mainly people you know
My husband differs, he prefers a simpler wedding and a larger reception…
GNSD | October 5th, 2009 at 10:27 am
We got married in Wales at the ruins of a medieval border castle, with just our parents and his siblings there for 8k. $1,700 of that was our flights . . . about $800 in trains and ground transportation. The bulk of the rest was hotels and meals, which included 3 nights in England at Hampton Court Palace beforehand (paid for by my parents), a few parties during that time (hosted by my parents), then our hotels in Conwy (everyone’s meals were included in the hotel price, so we didn’t have to pay for the wedding dinner or breakfast), then our honeymoon in Edinburgh and a few days in London and a quick trip to Paris. Our photographer (with copyright on the photos) was about $700, venue fee was $150, officiant was $450, my dress and his suit about $1,200 together.
I mean, really, for what is was and for the photos and memories we have, 8k was cheap. It was a full week of wedding related travel and activities with our families, followed by an amazing honeymoon in
Scotland. I don’t regret a penny of it.
HollyLynne | October 9th, 2009 at 2:06 pm