Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Having three children myself, I can testify that having them around kicks the busy-ness of life to a whole other level. In addition to activities and commitments that my husband and I have, we have three little beings who need to be shuttled to school, swimming, dance class, etc.
Many articles and studies seem to point towards children being detrimental to your marriage. I can see how it could be the case; having uninterrupted conversations with my husband generally have to wait until the kids are all in bed or we’re out on a Date Night.
A reader sent me the link to an article over at The Washington Post where they linked to a study that says married people are better off with kids.
I have to say that in my personal situation, it is totally the case. Before we had kids, my husband and I had more “free time” and had a lot of fun together, there is no denying it. At the risk of making you gag with the cheese factor, it’s like having kids took our love and multiplied it. (I know. I’m sorry.)
It’s true though. We have three of the neatest kids that have ever graced the planet Earth. They are as quirky and funny as their parents and we spend the bulk of the day having fun. There are attitudes to be dealt with and the occasional meltdown, but aside from the age-appropriate bumps in the road, it’s a smooth ride.
And when we do get out of the house without the kids for a Date Night? We spend a lot of time talking about how neat our kids really are. (I know. I’m sorry.)
So, tell me what you think. Do you think that kids make your marriage better?
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When I met my husband, he was a single father with a five year old.
The only times we were ‘child free’ were the occassional weekend that her Mom took her. She’s 12 now, and sees her Mom maybe three times a year (Mom’s choice, not ours or court ordered).
At times it would have been nice to not have a kid around, but I think she made our realtionship stronger for sure!
Leslie | November 6th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
well, since we don’t know what married life is like without kids, I really have nothing to reference it to. although they do cause some disagreements between us (he thinks I drive them around more than I should to places they want to go-friends, games, etc) they do make our marriage better.
Domestic Extraordinaire | November 6th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I think kids have made my life better and my husband’s life better. But I don’t think the kids have made our marriage better!
If that makes any sense.
It’s been 11 years since our first child was born, so it’s frankly a little hard to remember all the details of what our marriage was like back then.
But I think our marriage grows better when we take time (as in uninterrupted!) to be with one another. And having kids has made that a lot harder to find.
It’s true that having kids has made us band together in ways that feel good. It’s pretty swell sharing parenting with my husband.
But I still don’t think that having kids made our *marriage* better.
I love having the kids, and I’m still glad that I’m married to the person I’ve been with for 22 years.
But in 10 years our youngest will be at college (we’re assuming), and, although I don’t want to miss any part (well, maybe some parts!) of the thrilling ride we’re going to have as parents of teenage girls, I’m also not dreading the time when it will be just my husband and me at home most of the time.
Heather Mundell | November 6th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Heather - You articulated exactly what I was going to say. My relationship with my husband was better before we had a child, but our lives are better with him.
Having a child hasn’t devastated our marriage. But…we were together for 17 years before we had him. Having him was a pretty big shock to the system.
Pat | November 6th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Let me put it this way.. it enhances the marriage. We love being married and love being parents.. Of course there are times.. when one of us would secretly wish.. That our daughter sleeps.. so we can do what we need to do!
There will be times, when we cant wait for her to get up to try on.. XX.
Its flipping flopping.. and mostly towards.. having V is making us get closer, grow closer. And at the same time, she is some way keeps the spark alive!
GNSD | November 6th, 2009 at 2:07 pm