Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Secrets to a happy marriage
Categories: Uncategorized, commitment, communication, marriage
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I came across an article over at Yahoo! Shine titled, “5 Secrets For A Happy Marriage” and I agreed with every single point listed. There is no “magic formula” to making a marriage work; it takes commitment and a bit of common sense.
1. Respect. Absolutely. While I may make jokes about things my husband does, they are always with his knowledge and are something that we both laugh at. I refuse to treat him disrespectfully, either online or offline.
2. Courtesy. My husband and I, in almost ten years of marriage, have never called each other names in a disagreement (Or, ever). We might say something like, “What you did hurt my feelings,” but would never say, “You’re a stupid jerk.” Statement number two is neither courteous, nor conducive to a resolution.
3. Unique Individuality. Amen. While my husband share the same values, morals, and twisted sense of humor, our likes and dislikes are vastly different. I love to write and to photograph and to visit large cities. He likes to tinker in his shop and ride snowmobiles and hunt for wild game in the middle of nowhere. We let each other pursue our individual interests and root each other on.
4. Be a Cheerleader. This kind of flows from point #4, but YES. We love each other and want to live our lives to the fullest. He is my biggest cheerleader and I, his.
5. To Thine Own Self Be True. Well, as I said above, we share core values and morals. If that is not the case for you and your significant other, then I hope you stay true to what you believe in.
How about you guys? Any “secrets” that you care to share?
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honesty…yes the big things but also the little things. Don’t let little pet peeves get out of hand. If something bothers you. admit it…but be ready when your spouse does the same. Don’t blow them off or say they are “just being silly.” if it is important enough for them to say someithing in the first place, it is important enough to listen.
bryan | December 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
I totally agree with all of the things you said, respect, courtesy and uniqueness. I also think that sometimes you need to ask yourself, what can i do to put the needs of my spouse first. I may want to go shopping and he wants to drywall, sometimes I need to think what will make him happy too. I think that’s a pretty good secret to a good marriage.
Jenn
Jenn | December 9th, 2009 at 12:02 am
All of the above points are awesome and agreed upon… and many will disagree with me on this, but, separate bank accounts. Seriously. We each have our financial responsibilities. And when those are taken care of, (the savings account is included in those responsibilities) my money is mine. Bonus, he can’t see what I really spend on shoes
Or on gifts for him, for that matter. It works beautifully for us… 8yrs of marriage and counting, I can count on one hand how many times we’ve had an argument about money.
Jennifer | December 9th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Pick your battles! We spent a lot of energy getting upset about stupid stuff during the first year, then realized that if we argued about everything, it all took on the same importance. Differing methods of washing dishes are not as important as differing opinions on pornography, for example. Now he knows that if I bring something up, it really does bother me to the point where we need to find a solution, and vice versa.
Teri | December 9th, 2009 at 9:48 am
I agree wholeheartedly with all of those points, and would stress #2 (courtesy) … kindness is SO important in a marriage. Or in any relationship!
Also, communication. That’s really important as well, and is the one thing I feel is missing from that list.
Hannah | December 9th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
how do you manage to always be courteous? my husband and I are considerate of each other most of the time, but not ALL of the time. but maybe because we are both big jerks some of the time (and say so) it works??? I do think people have different standards of acceptability they work out in their marriages, and behavior I see in other marriages that would make me livid my friends seem to think is no big deal, and vice versa.
kbc | December 15th, 2009 at 1:07 am
This is a great list of 5 secrets to a happy marriage! I’ve put a few more together in “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage,” just released … take a look at amazon, borders, etc. and come by and visit @ http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarrige.com
sharongilo | December 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm