Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
Do you talk about your sex life in front of your kids?
Categories: children, communication, marriage, sex
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This past weekend I Twittered a conversation between my three-year-old daughter and I that went something (or exactly) like this:
Emily: “Look at my special trick!” *Unsnaps button of her jeans, with flair*
Me: “I do that special trick for Daddy all the time.”
Leah thought I was kidding and a few others wondered the same. The truth of the matter is that my husband and I speak in innuendos to each other all day long, much of which is sparked by things our kids say.
As they are getting older (Our oldest just turned seven) we’ve talked about whether we should curb this kind of talk when they are around. We’ve come to the united conclusion that no, we should not. What better place to learn what a healthy, loving, flirtatious relationship looks like than by watching their Mom and Dad in action. (Not that kind of action. We do keep some things for the privacy of our bedroom.)
We hug each other throughout the day and give each other quick kisses hello and goodbye. If we really want to make the kids squirm we’ll do a long, drawn-out kiss. They always shriek in horror, but you can see that they kind of love seeing their parents, well, in love.
We’ll continue to make comments and remarks to each other that make us both laugh and will one day (probably soon, once they understand better) make our kids a little embarrassed. We get the fun of making them cringe and they get to see what it means to be happily married. Win, win.
How about you? Do you talk about sex in front of your kids?
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Hahaha! When I first saw the title of this post I made this face:
:O
And I think I said “HELL NO!” But then I read the details and yes! While I have no intentions of sitting around actually discussing the specifics of my sex life with their father while I sit with my kids at the table, we do indeed do the kind of innuendo that you describe.
I think we probably will tone it down when they get old enough to catch on but for the time being it’s highly amusing to me to make a joke out of something totally innocent especially when I know my husband gets it but they don’t.
As for the rest of what you said, I agree that showing affection and love in front of your kids - while it may embarrass them in that “oh MOM, DAD, knock it off!” kind of way - is one of the best things to model for them.
Sherry | January 5th, 2010 at 11:51 am
We do the same. And I would have said the same thing to my daughter had she said that. The innuendos fly around like dust particles and the kids are completely oblivious. I think it’s funny, but it’ll obviously be toned down once they actually start to understand things. Or maybe it won’t and we’ll scar them for life.
Mrs. Wilson | January 5th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
When I was seven, my parents finally made the decision to divorce. I say finally because they’d been living like hostile strangers for the two years prior and you see those things as a kid, you notice your parents relationship and it affects any romantic relationship you develop later on. As a result, I always found affection with boyfriends uncomfortable, I never grew up around an acceptable, loving couple. It sounds funny, but at 21, when I met my now-husband, I was unsure how to act around him.
So YES. That is my long-winded answer to your question. It is vital for a child to grow up seeing a loving relationship between their parents. I won’t sit my son down and explain what goes on behind the master bedroom door, but I will make sure he knows how to show affection to his future wife, through example.
barbetti | January 5th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
We definitely say stuff like “I love you” and “You look hot” to each other on front of our boys. In fact, I’m sure that is how my sweet boys learned that it is nice and kind and appropriate to tell Mama that she looks “so so pretty” when she’s dressed up. And of course we show affection to each other in front of them too (kisses, hugs, hand holding, etc). They need to see those things, to see that their parents love each other and are still IN LOVE after all these years!
Hannah | January 5th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Dinner at home with the 20 month old last night went like this:
Toddler: “Uh oh, Mah-ee! Dwop sausage!”
Mom: [sigh] [crawls under table to find it before the 30 seconds elapses]
Dad: Oh look! Mommy’s on her hands and knees after sausage again!
Toddler: I have hat! [places paper towel/napkin on head]
Barbed double entendres and innuendo fly across the table. I implore her father not to choke on his sausage (as he’s trying not to laugh at my annoyance). He offers that I am welcome to choke on his. It goes further downhill.
Toddler mutters, “Hmmmm….” spears peas, one by one, then gets bored and starts lapping them off her plate like a dog.
Mom tries desperately to remind Dad that, yes, she understands more than we give her credit for. Dad will have no part of it and now Mom can’t look Kielbasa in the face ever again.
Dinner ends with, “Uh oh, Mah-ee! Dwop sausage ‘gan,”
[facepalm]
I’d like to add the following disclaimer: This is a regular occurrence in our household and our daughter is the most mature person residing there. By far.
Phe | January 7th, 2010 at 8:04 am
Add to bookmarks. Now I will read more often!
NimKeert | May 7th, 2010 at 5:13 pm