with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
I have the NY Times Motherlode in my feed reader because the posts often make me think. When one is marriage-related, I’m even more interested because, hey. I have this whole marriage-related column. Fancy that.
A recent post there is one that I flagged because I think the topic is a good one: “What Does It Mean To Be A Good Wife?” While I have no desire to get into a debate about whether or not a woman these days can make gravy from scratch (I can!) or sew a button (Who can’t?), the final part of the column kind of irked me a bit.
Is it finally time to just replace the word with “partner”? After all, isn’t that what we’ve really should have meant all along?
I don’t disagree that I am Matthew’s partner. If you’ve read anything about our relationship, whether here or at my personal site, you know that we are equal partners. Truth be told, he pulls far more weight around the house than I do, much to his friends’ chagrin.
That aside, is that the only “title” I want to have? “Partner”? Hell to the no. It’s like throwing my marital commitment out the window, in my (oh, so very) humble opinion.
I have chosen to stand before family and friends (and God) and make vows. A covenant. Part of that ceremony, for me, is the ability to refer to myself as a wife. I am bonded to my husband and part of that union is the chance to differentiate myself from the me that I was before I met him. I am now a wife.
I spent the better part of our first year of marriage looking at him in awe. That is my husband. I am his wife. How did we get here? I loved the new role in my life and hold my title as “wife” in high regard.
Relegating all married women to the sole status of “partner” seems like a step backwards. We are partners, but so are roommates and good friends. I am more than his partner; I am his wife.
Besides. If we throw out “husband” and “wife”, what’s next? Throwing out “Dad” and “Mom”? The thought of my children calling for “Parent” rather than “Mommy” or “Daddy” makes my heart a little sad.
What are your thoughts on the wife/partner title?
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