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Committed: The Ties that Bond

with Angella Dykstra

I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.

Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.

Why I don’t air our dirty laundry

Categories: love, marriage

3 comments

I am a firm believer that airing every qualm that you have about your spouse is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Oh, I will talk about his Man Period and other such quirks that he fully admits to and laughs about. But that is the extent of my sharing.

Why? Because I vowed to love, honor and respect him. Tearing him apart publicly or sharing faults of his that he may not want me to share doesn’t honor those vows. It kind of ties into the old mantra, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you”. Lord knows I’d hate for him to air my flaws, though I sure would give him a lot of fodder if he started a blog about the things I do that drive him crazy.

Besides, ten years in I can testify that there isn’t really a lot to complain about. He’s the better housekeeper, baker, handyman, parent, person. He inspires me to be better at those things and more on a daily basis. For me to talk about some small irritation and blow it up for the sake of being “authentic” would actually be the exact opposite. I’d be making him out to be far worse than he is (or could ever be) and that would be a downright lie.

So, I’ll keep sharing the flaws that we both laugh about, in a way that would not hurt him in any way whatsoever. He is not perfect, I am not perfect and our marriage is not perfect, but it’s pretty damn good and I refuse to cause damage to it for the sake of having something to write about.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about it. Do you share everything? Or do you have limits?



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3 comments so far...

  • I’m torn on this. I don’t regret writing about my marital problems because I know that it helped people - but I also know that some of the crap I said BEFORE marriage counseling only made things worse. Not because he cared that I blogged about them, but because it opened up walls that should protect a marriage.

    Miss Britt  |  August 30th, 2010 at 1:25 pm

  • I think I have pretty similar rules. If it’s not something he and I can talk about openly, then I don’t feel comfortable writing about it — it’s like talking about someone behind their back, which is something I try not to do.

    That being said, my husband and I truly don’t fight very often or about very much, so the fact that I don’t complain about him is actually pretty authentic.

    The other thing is this: If I wouldn’t be okay with talking to our friends and family about something and seeing their reactions in person, I’m certainly not okay with them reading about it and discussing our problems without us present. It just doesn’t work for me.

    Kristen  |  August 31st, 2010 at 11:03 am

  • I DO have limits, but sometimes I worry that I reveal too much.

    Danica Grunert  |  September 7th, 2010 at 3:26 pm

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