Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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My friend Hillary wrote a funny post yesterday about how she arrived home from a weekend away to discover that her husband had purchased a 52″ television and hung it on their bedroom wall. (Go read it. I’ll wait.)
As you’ll see, the point of her post is not so much about having a television on the wall, but the fact that he made such a large purchase without her knowledge. I read the post to my husband and he (jokingly) told me that he didn’t see a problem with making a purchase that big. I knew he was joking because this is a man who is so frugal that he runs nearly every purchase by me, including whether he should buy a block of cheese if it’s not on sale. I’m not even kidding.
I don’t feel the need to call him about a block of cheese or anything grocery related, really, and he doesn’t expect me to. He knows that I try to stretch our dollars as much as I can and that I keep my eyes open for when our favorites are on sale, etc.
After reading Hillary’s post, I got to thinking about how large a purchase is before we feel that we need to run it by each other. We’re both working right now, have always had a joint account, and both have a handle on where our finances are. We definitely discuss big-ticket items before purchasing them (vehicles (including his TWO snowmobiles), camera equipment (for me), hunting equipment (for him), etc.) If I go clothes shopping I don’t usually call him mid-shop unless I can’t decide between two options.
I guess if I had to put a dollar limit on it, anything over the $100 range is discussed for sure. I may be back at work full-time, but he’s on half-time and his salary is half of what mine is. We have a teeny mortgage, yes, but we also have a nice savings cushion that we’d like to keep intact in the event that anything bad were to happen.
How about you? Do you run larger purchase by each other? Or do you keep your finances separate and do your own thing?
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We have a joint checking account, and my husband might die if he bought a TV without my knowledge. We don’t have a set dollar amount, but probably around $75 is where we check with the other - usually it’s something we’ll both use anyway so we pick it out together and everyone is happy.
Teri | August 31st, 2010 at 10:08 pm
We never buy anything expensive apart, but together we seem to have very little self control.
For me, outside of groceries and the like I wouldn’t spend more than $300 without first checking in. It is never a big deal, but it just feels better to talk about a bigger purchase first.
KLG | September 1st, 2010 at 7:40 am
I’d say more around $300. A trip to Target for school clothes, supplies, and household items easily runs $100! My husband talks to me ad nauseum before buying hunting items. But, I would freak if he had bought a TV or some big ticket item without consulting me first!
elz | September 1st, 2010 at 8:45 am
Hmm… Yes we tend to. It just makes sense.. We are int he amrriage together which includes finances and all the good stuff. We both tend to stretch the dollar but at the same time like a comfortable life style. So if we decided to change dinner venue from 15$ per plate to 50$ for my girls night, I am not going to call him. But if I decided to buy shoes which is 200$.. I will surely ask.!
And no.. I cant justify shoes that expensive.. I am just saying.
Garima | September 1st, 2010 at 9:38 am
If Matt came home with a television without discussing it with me, feathers would fly.
If I came home with a television without discussing it with him, I’d probably get lots and lots of hugs and kisses.
But I know that neither scenario is likely to happen because we simply can’t afford it. I don’t think either of us has ever spent more than $60 without the other knowing.
Danica Grunert | September 3rd, 2010 at 11:22 am
I would be more angry about the TV being hung on my bedroom wall, regardless of whether he bought it or won it in a raffle or received it from his mother-in-law. I will NOT have a TV where I sleep.
I’m not married, so I can’t really comment about the $ limit. I know with my mom & dad, there was an unspoken expectation that probably varied with their financial situation. My dad would probably be more likely to check with my mom. My mom has been known to sneak stuff into the attic and then work on a plan to talk my dad into it, LOL.
SKL | September 6th, 2010 at 4:35 pm