Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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I have to admit that I’ve been a little bit discouraged by the Internet and its lack of posting about healthy relationships. YES, the divorce rate hovers around 50%, but where are the stories from that other 50%? Most stories I run across are about how to have an affair (AWESOME) or how to recover from divorce or whatnot.
This week, I came across this article from Real Simple about “10 ways to make your marriage divorce-proof”.
I was sold at the #1 Point: Realize that if you can agree on what constitutes a clean room, you can agree on anything.
If you’ve read any of my words here for the past two (!) years or read my personal site, you KNOW that my husband is a neat freak. If I keep up my end of the cleanliness bargain, conflicts are kept to a minimum.
Another point that made me say YES: Marry someone with a backbone who appreciates that you possess one of your own.
People often think that I “wear the pants in the relationship”, but no. My husband my be a quiet guy, but he is in no way whatsoever a pushover. He appreciates my backbone and has no problem in flexing his own.
The other eight points are pretty bang-on.
If you’re irritated by your partner, imagine him as a small child.
No fisticuffs in public.
Procrastinate.
Have sex with each other.
Accept that everybody needs alone time.
If you have to fight, walk and fight.
Let your spouse in on 90 percent of your day-to-day routine.
When you buy gifts for each other, give them at least a full minute of thought.
You need to read the article if you have time, as the descriptions that follow each point are pretty humorous.
Do you have any tips you’d like to add?
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I laughed hard at ‘if you have to fight, walk and fight. And I’d like to add something to the list for those who are so inclined: pray together.
Danica Grunert | September 3rd, 2010 at 10:46 am
Both of you read “The FIve Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman.
I read it and was very surprised at how apropos it is. I use knowledge from that book every single day, and its made a huge difference.
monstergirlee | September 3rd, 2010 at 11:19 am
I tend to keep a personal rule of “never go to bed angry”. I sleep like shit when I do! Even if I’m not 100% over the argument, it helps to attempt to soften it before going to sleep. I realize this won’t always be possible but I strive to do it.
Another one? Own your issues! It helps no one if you aren’t aware of your issues and aren’t actively dealing with them.
sizzle | September 3rd, 2010 at 12:17 pm
don’t buy 52″ televisions and hang them in the bedroom when your wife is out of town!
(kidding)
(sort of)
hillary | September 3rd, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Hmmm… walking and fighting would probably work well… gonna try that one!
I, personally, don’t agree with that old saying ‘never go to bed angry’.
Sometimes, going to bed and waking up with a fresh mind in the morning, along with being less irked by whatever got you fired up in the first place, is a very good thing.
I remember in our early years, never going to bed angry, but after 9 yrs, sometimes that’s the best thing to do!
For us, anyway.
Jennifer | September 4th, 2010 at 12:22 am