Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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I have a half an hour commute each way to work and I often listen to the radio during the drive in order to catch up on some news/have a dance party during my drive. One of the segments of the morning show is where they take a question from their Facebook page and ask people to chime in. Up for discussion yesterday was when a girl called in about a guy who knew his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook login details and would periodically log in and check out what she was up to.
1. Why on Earth would he know her login details in the first place, and
2. Why has she not changed them?
That whole scenario got me thinking about my husband and I. We’re both on Facebook (he just joined last summer) and we’re (obviously) friends, but we most definitely do not have all of the same friends. I accept friend requests from friends and readers and friends of friends, while he sticks to family and close friends and coworkers. I have nothing to hide, and I know that he has nothing to hide, and that is that. We both leave our laptops open on the table throughout the day and I suppose that I could look…but I don’t. I never even thought that was an option until I heard that radio segment.
I’d love to hear what you guys do/think. Do you look at your spouse’s Facebook account when given the opportunity? Would you ever do it?
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For me, it’s not so much that it never occurred to me that I have the option of logging on my husband’s facebook account (which I do), but that there’d be nothing to see.
I can’t fathom him talking to other people in a secretive way, honestly, and I’m sure he’d say the same for me.
Besides, anything on facebook, unless sent via chat or private message, is public anyway. He could easily just email someone something he didn’t want read by everyone he’s friends with.
I think it comes down to the true nature of your relationship, and the trust that’s at its core.
We know each other’s passwords, and we always have, but there’s ‘nothing to see here, people.’
I realize we may be in the minority…but that’s where we stand on it.
Meg | April 8th, 2011 at 9:42 am
My husband dislikes computers, doesn’t understand the need for them, and thinks the world would be better off without them. He did have me set up a FB account for him after his 25th high school reunion so he could catch up with his old friends. I actually have to leave him logged in or he can’t remember how to get in. I also have to periodically log into his email account to keep that open. So yes, I have all of his info and he has none of mine. Not that I’d care if he had mine, but since he can’t get into his own…..
That said, I FB at work or on my phone, so I rarely ever see his. I did a friend request to one of his friends once, thinking I was on his but was really on mine - that was when I quit FBing at home.
We trust each other completely and I don’t feel the need to see what’s on his page. We have some friends that are the constantly checking up on each other’s pages and fighting about it. Doesn’t make sense to me.
sherri | April 8th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I’m not on facebook, but I have to admit I log into his account every few weeks just to see what’s going on.
1. He knows I do this.
2. He isn’t ‘friends’ with most of the people we know, and certainly not people I’m friends with that he is not (ie all my church ladies), mostly just his friends from work and people we see regularly. So I don’t often discover anything new that I care about.
3. The exercise usually reminds me of why I’m not on facebook anymore.
Danica | April 8th, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I’ve never even felt the urge to try to do this. I peek at is page occasionally to see what people are saying to him but usually because it’s amusing, not because I’m checking up on him. He rarely logs into FB so I don’t even know if he’s seen some of the stuff.
K | April 8th, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Haha, the day my husband joins Facebook will be an earth-shattering event of epic proportions!!!!!!!
Hannah | April 8th, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Honestly? I couldn’t care less. I have no interest in looking in his. I don’t have any trust issues (of that type) with him and have no reason to log into his Facebook (although I do know his password) (because I set up his account for him) (at his request). He doesn’t know my password (because I change all of mine at least twice a year), but my Facebook’s always open/logged in on the computer when he goes on it and I have nothing to hide. But he’s the same, he just isn’t interested.
Mrs. Wilson | April 8th, 2011 at 5:20 pm
nope - we’ve got separate passwords and we respect each other’s space. I have a few friends who share a facebook account with their spouse and I … don’t get it. At all.
hillary | April 8th, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I am not married, but I am not a person who likes to have someone looking over my shoulder - no matter who it is. So frankly, I would probably feel like I had “something to hide” and maybe assume my guy did too (projection). I might sometimes wonder what he was up to, but I’m not sure I’d try to look without permission, because it seems unethical (though marriage blurs things) and because I wouldn’t want him doing that to me.
Most likely the stuff I’d want to “hide” would be the lame complaint type stuff (e.g., “my mother-in-law is coming over, just shoot me now”). Sometimes you gotta vent.
That said, I’m not on Facebook because I guess I have too much to hide, LOL.
SKL | April 9th, 2011 at 1:41 am
1. I did check my exes facebook periodically. It just made things worse for me. I still remember and could likely do it now if I wanted. I don’t.
2. Sometimes I look at my current partners fb. Just for fun. I’m pretty sure he knows I do and it’s not a big deal. I could read his email too, but I don’t.
I'mtooguiltytobenamed! | April 10th, 2011 at 3:21 pm