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Committed: The Ties that Bond

with Angella Dykstra

I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.

Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.

Do Moms deserve ‘push presents”?

Categories: children, marriage

15 comments

I read Karen’s Bad Moms Club post about push presents yesterday and have to agree with her that (I have no idea who Rachel Zoe is either, and) I think that “push presents” are a little ridiculous. The name weirds me out, too.

Don’t get me wrong - I am all for Moms getting presents at baby showers, etc. While I love to buy itty bitty baby presents, I also love for my friends to get something special for them as well. Newborns are lovely and soft but the whole transition into motherhood is a big one and giving something to the exhausted Momma to make her smile or treat herself is pretty great.

That said, Moms expecting their husbands to buy them a large present for pushing out their baby strikes me as both odd and extravagant. Isn’t the baby the present? I mean, you both made it through childbirth alive, which is a miracle in itself. I agree that pushing out a baby is hard work (says the woman who pushed a nine pound, twelve ounce baby out of a whole the size of an orange) but I hardly expected my husband to buy me a 20 karat ring (!) or even a new kitchen appliance, for that matter.

What are your thoughts on “push presents”? I’d love to hear them.



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15 comments so far...

  • Yes! Absolutely! Moms deserve a push present! We put our body’s through the torture of pregnancy and give birth to a human being. A little trinket to say make us feel good is a great idea! The ultimate gift is a healthy child, but mom’s should be showered with gifts for all of the work we do and in the absense of a shower of gifts something that says “thanks!” Why not?.

    Moms On Pearland  |  May 17th, 2011 at 11:06 am

  • Um, I agree with you. The baby IS the present. My husband WANTING another child and being over-the-moon EXCITED about the pregnancy and being my SUPPORT through the pregnancy and birth - THAT was my present.

    Mrs. Wilson  |  May 17th, 2011 at 1:45 pm

  • Hum, not only would I expect a “push present” - like previous poster coined it, a “little trinket” - but I DO expect recognition on my child’s birthday. Hey, I WAS THE ONE who pushed out that 9 lb’er, and I did it twice. The least my husband can do is THANK ME on my child’s birthday for contributing to such joy in our lives.

    And for the record, when my Mom girlfriends are celebrating the birthday of their children, I always, always, always give them a hug and say “And congratulations to you too, for bringing in baby and being such a wonderful Mom. You, too, deserve recognition on this day.”

    Angela  |  May 17th, 2011 at 2:31 pm

  • Moms on Pearland - I agree on the little trinket, for sure. From what I understand, push presents are more larger scale - that’s what I find odd.

    Jen - Indeed. While it would be nice for a husband to buy his wife a little something, I in no way EXPECTED it. Especially large scale gifts.

    Angela - I agree with you, mostly. My husband always thanks me on my kids’ birthday, and I thank him for being such an amazing Dad and husband. I also wish my friends a happy Birth Day when it’s their child’s birthday. And if my husband had brought me a gift when our first was born it would have been nice. Instead, he got up in the night and took one feeding per night so I could have a longer stretch of sleep and he is one of the most hands-on Dads I’ve ever seen. He also spoils me rotten on Mother’s Day (this year - a half-day at the Spa)(I would have been happy with daisies). What I don’t get about the whole “push present” concept is that it has to be BIG, and that women are *expect* them. It seems to make having babies more about monetary items rather than new life. :)

    Angella  |  May 17th, 2011 at 2:48 pm

  • I think it would be the sweetest thing for a guy to think to do - as a surprise. But once you make it an “obligation,” that takes the sweetness out of it, in my opinion. If a wife wants a new appliance purchased out of the family budget, why doesn’t she order one and be done with it - why act like it’s a reward?

    SKL  |  May 17th, 2011 at 3:58 pm

  • Definitely not. Sorry, but motherhood is going to be a whole list of “guess what, life is not about just you anymore.” So many new expenses coming up that a “push present” just seems like a selfish thing to expect. The joy of being done being pregnant and having that sweet bundle of baby…that should be present enough for any mom. Having a dad (or friends or family) at their side that is willing to help (& not just buy stuff) will be a much bigger payoff than any present could be.

    And seriously? For your child’s birthday you expect a present? You do have that one day called Mother’s Day that you get to add to the other holidays. I’m not saying that your world should completely revolve around your child but it no longer completely revolves around you either.

    D  |  May 18th, 2011 at 11:01 am

  • Ok, I might need to apologize, that came off a little strong…if recognition and not a present on your child’s birthday is what you desire/expect…yes, sorry, that should go without saying…mom’s deserve thanks for that especially from their kids.

    D  |  May 18th, 2011 at 11:04 am

  • I’d never heard of them before. My automatic reaction is with you - the baby is the present. People give (and expect) gifts for anything and everything these days. But that’s how it goes with our crazy materialism.
    On the other hand, giving birth IS a big deal. So - I don’t know. It’s up to the couple. But I don’t think it’s one of those things that a mother should get upset about if she doesn’t get a present.

    Danica  |  May 18th, 2011 at 11:09 am

  • I think it’s a bit silly to expect something, and something substantial at that.

    I honestly don’t know what could compare to a delicious little newborn in my arms.

    The things that most stuck with me after the birth weren’t the presents for me or the baby, they were actions by others-Dinner from some neighbors, my husband instituting a no-chore rule for me, my MIL visiting so I could take a shower.

    Dawn K.  |  May 18th, 2011 at 11:11 am

  • I think Mrs Wilson said it best.
    The baby, a healthy baby is the best present ever, along with a loving supportive Husband by my side. It doesn’t get better than that. When they put that babe in your arms for the first time… I’m getting all teary just thinking about it. Push Present. Glad I haven’t ever heard of that before.

    monstergirlee  |  May 18th, 2011 at 1:46 pm

  • I think calling it a push present and having expectations (like making the present an obligation, or expecting it to be worth a certain amount) is a little extreme. That being said, I think a small gift is a beautiful gesture. I’ve been pregnant for the last 31 weeks - abstaining from alcohol while becoming the automatic designated driver for my husband and his friends; dealing with a pre-existing anxiety disorder turning into full on crazypants; missing hours of work (and dealing with an angry / misogynistic boss because of it) to go to all the appointments - and while my husband isn’t getting off free and clear (he has, obviously, had to live with me for the last 31 weeks) he has had an easier time of it. If he felt inclined to give me a gift, I would be blown away by his thoughtfulness. I think it’s the expectation of a huge, expensive item that makes the idea of a push present a little gross.

    hillary  |  May 18th, 2011 at 8:09 pm

  • I sure think it’s a nice idea! The push present could be jewellry. It could also be flowers. It could also be something you buy yourself. My friend bought herself an iphone as her ‘push present’.

    Heather  |  May 18th, 2011 at 10:03 pm

  • First of all, should I receive a kitchen appliance (that was not previously requested by this love to cook momma) as a gift for birthing one of our children, it would turn into a “shove present” as in “shove it up your rear dear. I just birthed a baby, now you want waffles?!”

    Ahem, that being said. I think it’s absurd to “want/need/require” a gift for birthing your baby. To me it sort of takes away the value in the little person you just watched take their very first breath! As if a 20K ring could possibly come close to the value found in that and many moments to follow. I’m down with “great Job babe! You were a rockstar in there, and no of course nobody heard you screaming bloody murder. You’re totally still a lady!” as well as dads pitching in and helping out with the babies and house chores but that sort of gift is unneccesary.

    But just in case Corey ever reads this, while I don’t think a “push present” is neccessary should the mood ever strike you to buy something pretty and shiny as a gift, I will be thrilled, and say “thank you” a lot!

    Ashley  |  May 18th, 2011 at 10:13 pm

  • A push present sounds nice. Guys get cigars and bottles of booze, babies get tons of stuff so why not a little something for the hard working moms.

    mneave  |  May 21st, 2011 at 2:21 am

  • I LOVE the idea of a push present! My husband got me the perfect push gift, a Harmony Pendant from Juno Lucina! It’s absolutely gorgeous, and it symbolizes protection and love for me and our child. I love it not only because it’s beautiful, but because it’s meaningful, and was actually meant to be given for this specific moment. I highly recommend them, their website is http://www.jlucina.com if any new mommies or daddies are looking :)

    Abby  |  August 3rd, 2012 at 12:01 pm

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