Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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There seems to be a bit of a backlash against women who say that their spouse is their Best Friend.
It’s not healthy.
You need to have a best friend who is not your husband.
Calling your spouse your best friend means that you can’t make friends of your own.
I call B.S.
This is not because I do not have great girlfriends, no. I have a small group of friends who I refer to as my “besties.” They are smart and they are funny and they are open and they are honest and we speak freely and we share our struggles and they are all that a woman could ask for in a friend, amen.
The thing is, I did not marry them. I did not vow to be together until death us do part. I do not sleep with them every night and I have not borne children with them and I do not hash out the daily details and decide what is best for my family unit with them. We do not cook meals together and we do not make career decisions together and while we love each other immensely, there is only one person in my life who gets the supreme title of Best Friend.
My husband. Because he knows me more intimately that anyone else. He knows all of my dreams and my fears, my hopes and my insecurities, what makes me laugh and what makes me cry. He is the ultimate Bestie.
So, while I love my girl Besties, I have no reservation in calling my husband my Best Friend. I’m not saying that it works the same way for everyone else, not at all. I have just been on the receiving end of some negative comments in the past and wanted to set the (my) record straight.
How about you? Is your spouse your best friend?
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I used to not understand this. I didn’t get how your husband could be your best friend - because mine wasn’t. Now, though, finally - he is. And I get it.
Mrs. Wilson | May 24th, 2011 at 11:59 am
YES my spouse is my best friend. We understand each other like nobody else does.
Eric's Mommy | May 24th, 2011 at 7:55 pm
My husband is my best friend. He was before we started dating, for several years. He always will be. No girlfriend can understand me like he does.
So yeah. I call B.S. on “that” argument too.
Hannah | May 25th, 2011 at 12:00 am
My fiance is my best friend. I also have some pretty great girlfriends but its not the same.
K | May 25th, 2011 at 8:01 am
Unequivocal YES.
I do see where critics of this situation might be coming from; trouble could arise if your (healthy, complete, fabulous) relationship with your husband is your only truly close relationship with another adult human being. At some point, you will have to tap another resource for a sympathetic ear, or a new perspective with advice. One person can’t be your be-all and end-all for everything. You run the risk of draining them dry, for one thing.
My 2nd baby was a health project, she’s fine now but WHAT a year - no room for anything, let alone time for cultivating non-familial relationships. However, I’ve recently started having actual “friends” again. Not women I talk with at work and nowhere else, either. Women (and here and there a man) in the same life pattern as me, who I make a point to get together and bond with in social situations. Birthday parties and Mom Club activities, mostly, but God is it good to get that other level of contact back.
Husband has been and remains my first “I have to tell ____” thought when something happens; he is still my consultant, sounding board, and absolutely the best friend I could have wished for.
Meg | May 25th, 2011 at 11:03 am
Unequivocal YES.
I do see where critics of this situation might be coming from; trouble could arise if your (healthy, complete, fabulous) relationship with your husband is your only truly close relationship with another adult human being. At some point, you will have to tap another resource for a sympathetic ear, or a new perspective with advice. One person can’t be your be-all and end-all for everything. You run the risk of draining them dry, for one thing.
My 2nd baby was a health project, she’s fine now but WHAT a year - no room for anything, let alone time for cultivating non-familial relationships. However, I’ve recently started having actual “friends” again. Not women I talk with at work and nowhere else, either. Women (and here and there a man) in the same life pattern as me, who I make a point to get together and bond with in social situations. Birthday parties and Mom Club activities, mostly, but God is it good to get that other level of contact back.
Husband has been and remains my first “I have to tell ____” thought when something happens; he is still my consultant, sounding board, and absolutely the best friend I could have wished for.
Meg | May 25th, 2011 at 11:03 am
I certainly don’t see a problem with your spouse being your best friend, nor do I think it’s unhealthy. But I was lucky enough to have a best friend practically from birth, and she’ll always be my bezzie.
bok | May 25th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I feel a little awkward calling my fiancé my best friend. I guess I feel societal pressure that my best friend should be a female. However, we are getting there. He definitely knows me the best, we share most things. I would say everything, but I’m sure there are details. We are working towards all the reasons you and Matthew are best friends.
Heather | May 26th, 2011 at 12:27 am
I have good girl friends, and a lot of time they’re just what the doctor ordered when my hubby is driving me crazy. That being said, I do not plan to spend the rest of forever with those ladies. I wouldn’t be willing to move across country with them - and I would with him. A good girlfriend will be around for a decade, or two or maybe more - you never know, but hopefully my man will be around for many, many more. It’s only right to invest in my friendship with him and put it above all the others.
Danica | May 26th, 2011 at 8:01 pm