Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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Emma Waverman wrote a post asking, “Would you stick around after an affair?” I’ve asked the question here before, and I think it’s a good one to think about. I know some people who have stuck together after an affair and worked through it, and I know yet others who have walked away and I can’t say that I blame them. Having kids makes it a little more complicated, at least for me, but I’m hoping I never have to make that decision.
One interesting part of Emma’s article was the question as to whether one night stands are different than a prolonged affair with someone you and your spouse both know (ala Ahnold). To find out that someone you know, or work with, or who works for you, or see on the school ground is the person your spouse has been cheating on you with makes it more awkward, for sure. Any type of affair would be devastating and humiliating, for sure, but I think that if it was someone you know it would be that much worse.
How about you? Would you stick around after an affair? Do you think there are different “levels” of affairs?
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I definitely feel that this is one of those subjects that isn’t black or white. I think things like one night stand vs. actual love affair do factor in. As do children. And this is definitely one of those for better or worse things they mention in the vows.
I also hope that I never have to face it.
Carrisa | May 31st, 2011 at 11:48 am
What about “emotional affairs”, where they may not actually sleep with another person, but they have a very intimate relationship with them and share everything that they should be sharing with their spouse? I know people whose spouses had emotional affairs and they were just as devastating as a “physical affair” would be. Maybe even worse, if you compare it to a one night stand. I don’t know. I’m glad I have never had to decide what I would do if my husband had any kind of affair, and like you, I hope I never have to. It would be really hard, for sure.
Hannah | May 31st, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I hate to say anything definately because it’s just as sure as you say “I will NEVER…” that you sometimes sort of do it. However, I don’t believe infidelity is something Corey and I will face because I believe that God put us together and in the power of our marriage.
However, I know Satan has one heck of a twisted sense of pleasure, and can lead anyone astray. I watched my own parents battle rumour and temptation of affairs through a terrible time in their marriage. They stuck together and this year are celebrating 28 years married.
I would hope that I could find the love and trust in my heart to forgive my husband and carry on with our marriage. The aquantance however would forever be black listed in my books, and may find herself with a dirty diaper or 50 on her car windshield one morning. Because I’m a grown up like that.
Ashley | May 31st, 2011 at 6:01 pm
I’m not married, but I do believe that this would almost always depend on the person. For myself, I’ve been in enough relationships where guys have disrespected me and even cheated on me. I doubt I would even have the slightest tolerance for any kind of that behavior. I can understand having children involved could make it more difficult though.
For me? At this point in my life and the things I’ve gone through? I wouldn’t be able to continue. Let’s just say I’m a little jaded.
Shelly | June 1st, 2011 at 12:40 pm