Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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My husband and I didn’t have a unity candle at our wedding ceremony because, well, I had never heard of one at that point in time and nobody had told us about them or that we could include one. For those of you who have never heard of them either, it’s to symbolize the bride and groom becoming one. Their mothers walk up with a candle, say something if they are led, and then they each light a candle. At the end of the ceremony, the bride and groom each take the candle their mother lit, light a larger middle candle, and blow out the ones they are holding.
The first time I saw this in action was when my husband’s sister got married. The lighting part by the mothers went fine, the ceremony was beautiful, and then the bride and groom approached the table where the candles were. They lit the middle candle and then…he blew out ALL THREE, including the “unity” candle. There was a lot of laughter.
We’ve been to two other weddings where there were issues with the candles, including my brother’s wedding this past weekend. The unity candle would. not. light. I’m pretty sure a blow torch wouldn’t even have worked. It’s a good thing we’re not superstitious people.
How about you? Did you have a unity candle at your wedding?
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Nope. I’ve seen it done with sand too. Each person has a jar of sand and they take turns adding layers to a bigger jar. We didn’t do any of that stuff. We knew about it, but just wanted to make the ceremony short and sweet.
Mrs. Wilson | July 6th, 2011 at 10:22 am
we had one… so far so good! lol
kate | July 6th, 2011 at 12:16 pm
We did choose to have a unity candle and all was well until the candle was lit and I went to blow out the single candle used to light the unity candle. I had a veil on-did not pull it up- and it went up in flames like a dried out Christmas tree!!
Come to think of it, I dont have a clue where the unity candle is now!
Haha Nice gesture, but unless you are just looking to add a funny story to the wedding I’d skip it!
kdubya3 | July 6th, 2011 at 12:24 pm
We had a Unity candle at our wedding since my Mom still had the one from her wedding to my Dad some 45 1/2 years before. She gave it to the florist who had it cleaned and it was beautiful. My husband’s parents are divorced and he didn’t think that they had one however he was all over the idea especially since it was my parents - yes if I had a sister she would be in trouble favorite son in law status beyond measure. It was two fold for us - pretty music time for the organist and my mom was thrilled. I also have really special pictures of my parents with the candle from their wedding and mine.
Heather | July 6th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
I haven’t really considered it yet because I’m in the very early stages of planning, but I’m thinking no. Especially since it sounds traditional for the mothers to light the separate candles and I think it would be too emotional for both of us since my fiance’s mom passed away last year.
I’m enjoying the stories in the comments though. I think sand sounds like a less stressful alternative.
K | July 6th, 2011 at 1:53 pm
We had a unity candle except after it was lit we did not blow out the other two. We wanted the candles to represent our individuality as well as being unified as husband and wife.
Carla | July 6th, 2011 at 1:57 pm
We had a similar thing, we had 2 candles burning throughout the ceremony, symbolising the 2 of us. At the end, after we were married, we each held our candle and lit the one in the middle. This was to symbolise us becoming one, and also that there are 3 of us in this marriage - us and God. A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken
Hannah | July 6th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Oh, and like Carla, we did not blow out the other 2 candles
Hannah | July 6th, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I did and even though we’d practiced the lighting of hubby and my candles, the mom’s still messed it up and lighted our unity candle together when they walked down the aisle. lmbo Oh well, I’m so glad I never had any grandiose ideas of my wedding and can look back 17 years later and lmao about it.
I have my unity candle in my china cabinet. My parents bought it for my bday present before the wedding and it’s engraved with our invitation. The poem, “On this day, I marry my best friend”
Val | July 7th, 2011 at 4:19 am
Instead of unity candles, I found a Rose Ceremony online and chose that instead. It’s beautiful, and I’ve never seen it done before or since, so it seems much more personal to us. Our vase sits on the mantle over our fireplace. Fortunately, it’s rarely been used for its intended purpose but is a beautiful reminder of the best day of my life. And every anniversary, we each put a rose there.
Here’s a link to the Rose Ceremony: http://weddings.usabride.com/wedding-planning-advice/the-rose-ceremony/
(Sorry, I’m no good at inserting links etc.)
sherri | July 7th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
My opinion: Why do we need a unity candle?
My fiancé’s opinion: Of course we need a unity candle!
I think we will have one. I’m only against it because it is ore to arrange. The idea is lovely.
Heather | July 7th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Yup, we had a unity candle. First, his parents walked down the aisle and lit their candle together (I think they both “held” the match to light it). Then, my parents walked down the aisle to lit their candle. The whole time, my husband (groom!) was already up front, watching, waiting. Then, my two bridesmaids (sister and BFF) walked down the aisle, and finally, I went, solo (my dad didn’t give me away). After we’d signed the register, my husband I went to each side of the table with our own candles in hand, light our own individual candles from each set of parent’s candle, then we walked together to light the unity candle in the middle. The unity candle we used (complete with stand and floral decoration) still sits in the middle of our piano. We’ve never re-lit it though….lol!!
Angela | July 11th, 2011 at 5:46 pm
And oh - yes, each parent’s candle remained lit. I think blowing them out during the ceremony is kinda symbolically weird?
Angela | July 11th, 2011 at 5:46 pm