Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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…the mice hole up in Mommy’s bedroom and lock all of the doors.
My husband went on an overnight fishing/camping trip with his brother on Sunday night. He’s earned it, for sure. He balances full-time work with Daddy Daycare, which means that he often heads into the office after dinner and works into the night. He also has a wife that goes off to events like BlogHer and leaves him at home to run the ship.
While I am more than happy for him to go away and have a break, there’s something about being alone on an acreage that strikes fear into my heart. I can walk the streets of New York with friends late at night but being the only adult in charge of three smalls, while situated in the buttpoke of nowhere freaks me the heck out. We have two dogs, one large, one with a large bark, so that helps, but. I am a woman and as much as I work out, I would be no match for a strong man or anyone with a weapon.
(We’ve been here ten years and I’ve never had reason to be afraid. I just have an active imagination.)
I never tell the kids how I’m feeling — I put on a brave face. When bedtime came, my daughter started crying because she was scared and I told her she could sleep with me. (YAY!) My eldest son said that he was scared, too, and right when he said that, there was this LOUD KNOCKING SOUND. The three of us jumped and I went to investigate. Turns out, my middle child thought it would be funny to scare us. The joke was on him (not really) because then he was scared as well.
So, I dragged the mattresses from both of the boys’ beds into my room and my daughter slept in my bed with me. I had to check the door locks about five times before they felt sure that the doors were secure and then they finally drifted off to sleep. As for me? I had the best husband-free sleep ever, because I could hear my three babies breathing next to me.
Do you get as jittery as I do? Or do you keep calm and carry on when your spouse is out of town?
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Oh, lady, I’m that jittery when Noah is HOME! I went a month with just me and the kids in our apartment in Regina and I was completely fine, but here? In a house? I tell Noah to lock the doors and check the windows every night, even though he does every night. And then when he comes to bed I ask him if he’s locked the doors and windows. (He knows it’s not distrust, but PARANOIA.) (And he makes fun of me.) (Which is ok.) If I was here by myself with the kids? We’d all be sleeping in one room. Definitely. (And now that we’ve had a vehicle stolen? I likely will not sleep again.) (I’ve been up since we got the call from the cops at 2:30am.) (WIDE AWAKE.)
Mrs. Wilson | August 23rd, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I don’t have a spouse, but I live in the basement of a house. Whenever my landlords (who live upstairs) are away, I don’t sleep very well. I jump at EVERY tiny little noise, of which there tend to be many. Thank the good lord they arrived back home yesterday (they’d been gone for a few weeks). Last night was a very restful night in which I did not wake up once, which was so wonderfully needed. I always check all the doors and windows and rooms and everything, even when everyone’s around. Paranoia - I definitely have it. You’re not alone!
Sharon | August 23rd, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I can’t relate, but Matt used to travel for work a lot so I got used to it. But then again, I live in the middle of town.
I think your sleeping arrangements are super cute. Maybe you can make it a tradition you can all look forward to when Matthew is away.
Danica | August 23rd, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I have no problems sleeping or feeling safe when husband is away. Yes, I make sure the doors are locked, but I leave the windows open a crack if it’s hot (but make sure they are secured so they can’t be slid open any further). The kids are fine too, everyone sleeps in their own room like we do when husband is home. When I was single and lived in my own place(s), I lived in apartments, basement suites and a house. Never any jitters about being alone - no idea why I don’t get nervous - maybe it was because I was a latch-key kid and nothing bad’s ever happened to me? LOL!! Oh, our car was broken into once in our driveway (last year). Still no jitters though.
Angela | August 23rd, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Buy a home defense firearm and learn how to use it. Educate yourself about home defense against criminal invaders. If you wake up to someone standing over your bed with a weapon, you have already made multiple mistakes. There are safe ways to have a home defense weapon with small children in the house. There are gun safes that can only be opened with a keypad or biometrics (fingerprint scan), enabling you to access a weapon quickly yet always keeping it secure from young kids. Educate your kids never to touch a firearm if they find one, and as they get old enough, you can continue their education if you want to. You are a strong woman. There is no need for you and the kids to feel like sitting ducks if your husband is away.
Kate | August 24th, 2011 at 2:54 pm