Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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I’m sure that you heard about this yesterday, but in case you didn’t, here’s what went around the Interwebs. Pat Robertson, you know who he is, took a call from a viewer who asked what advice a man should give to a friend who began seeing another woman after his wife started suffering from the incurable neurological disorder.
Pat’s response?
“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her,” Robertson said.
Terry Meeuwsen, Robertson’s co-host, asked him about couples’ marriage vows to take care of each other “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health.”
“If you respect that vow, you say ’til death do us part,’” Robertson said during the Tuesday broadcast. “This is a kind of death.”
If I didn’t think this guy was ridiculous before, this sealed the deal for me. I’m a Christian but often hesitate to say so because I don’t want to be associated with the crazy group of people who do/say things “in the name of God” that have not been founded on the Bible. They may say that they are but if you’ve read the Old Testament and the law and the New Testament and the words of Jesus, you know that some people in modern times twist Scripture to make it sound like they are speaking Truth.
This time, though, there was no Bible reference. Just, you know, some guy (Who is the CHAIRMAN of the CHRISTIAN BROADCASTING NETWORK) spouting off that if your spouse gets Alzheimer’s, it’s best to divorce them (Um, divorce goes against the teachings of the Bible) and “start all over again.”
I kind of want to kick him in the teeth right now.
Faith and religion aside, I find that statement to be rather atrocious. If my husband were to fall prey to Alzheimer’s, or dementia, I would not divorce him “but make sure he has custodial care and somebody looking after him.” This doesn’t mean that my own life would cease to exist, but to walk away from a lifetime together and leave him in the hands of caretakers is heartless.
Don’t get me wrong — my husband and I have given each other the A-OK to find another companion if one of us were to die — but if he were deteriorating, how could I just wash my hands of him? I don’t see that ever happening.
What are your thoughts on ’til death do us part? And Pat’s statements?
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My mom took care of my Dad for 10 years after his Alz diagnosis - he never had to go to a nursing home. She was a pillar of strength and love, and still misses him terribly (he died of an aneurysm in 2005). Pat Robertsom is loony.
Grace | September 16th, 2011 at 11:24 am
I think his comments are disgusting, and not even because of my faith and my belief that marriage should be forever.
I cannot imagine leaving my husband because he developed a debilitating disease. NEVER EVER!! If you love somebody, you don’t do that. You take care of them, no matter how difficult it is. That’s what LOVE is! Love is a VERB!
That guy is a nutter.
Hannah | September 16th, 2011 at 5:40 pm
What a load of crap. That’s what I think.
Noah and I have been thisclose to divorce, but it was when we were both completely (well, mostly) lucid. (Not that that makes it okay.) To divorce and start all over just because your spouse is suffering an illness, not matter what that illness may be? Yes, heartless. I can’t believe he said that, on the air, being who he is. Not cool, Mr. Robertson.
Noah took such good care of me throughout a really, really rough pregnancy, and I have no doubt he’d give me the same care if I was old and losing (more of) my mind. And, likewise, I’d do the same for him.
Mrs. Wilson | September 16th, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Wow. “This is a kind of death.” Really? The last I checked the only time you are dead is when your heart stops and you have no breath. Having a disease does not mean you are dead. I do not agree with his statement at all. Heartless.
K | September 19th, 2011 at 8:49 am
I heard about this on the ask Dr Brown show on radio today.While at lunch.And i was pretty shocked.To be sure i done some research online and found the Segment on youtube.If this isn’t the final nail on Pats Coffin to be believed hes Christian.i really do not know what is.I myself used to help back in 98 till early 2000 something.I am now glad I no Longer a part of that.so much scripture comes to mind.One thing i will say to Pat personally.Is not one really dead once the soul leaves the body?And if the answer is yes then here is another question.is it not true a marriage with sickness and in health till death till you part?the person still lives and breathes on their own recognizance.they are still alive.yes it may sound good to leave the person care etc.but its still wrong in Gods eyes.There is no grounds for divorce.what we say and do goes to Judgement.What are the thoughts of the mans family thinking?If this man follows through with this all i can see is a lot of pain.i say we all should pray about this.
Voice In The Woods | September 19th, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Hi! I was just wondering…what would you do if you were married to Pat Robertson? I am asking sincerely, because I am a sold-out Christian and my husband is a “Pastor”, but I am in a womans shelter right now because I am struggling with the way he conducts himself as a pastor. I am really, sincerely struggling with the “til death do us part”. I am totally opposed to what you say Pat Robertson said, but I am also opposed to a lot of things that my husband says and does in the name of God. Just wanted to get your take. My question in “what would you do if you were married to Pat Robertson?” is one that I am seriously asking in order to help me understand my own situation better. Thanks and God bless!
Kimberly | September 22nd, 2011 at 5:43 pm
I didn’t hear about this and haven’t verified that he actually said it. But if he did, I share your disappointment. We Christians have to be on guard when our pastors and leaders and celebrities say stuff like this. And I commend you for your comments and for holding him accountable in this pseudo public forum of your blog.
FarmingtonGlenn | February 16th, 2013 at 12:42 pm