Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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So says Dr. Oz and his wife in this interview that they did with Shape magazine.
“My prescription for sex…” Dr. Oz begins, “…is to have it as often as possible!” finishes Lisa, laughing. The Ozes strongly believe in keeping the home fires burning brightly. In fact, says Lisa, “that’s a perfect metaphor. It’s much harder to reignite a flame once it’s dead. You have to make intimacy a regular part of your life.” So how often does the doctor recommend a couple get busy? “Two to three times a week,” he says. (Lisa says six, but who’s counting?) Besides the pleasure factor, says Dr. Oz, “sex helps you live longer. It’s been scientifically proven that twice a week equals three more years of life.”
Now, I’m no Doctor, so I can’t verify his claim about the additional life span, but I am married and my husband and I do have sex often and we are quite happy. Back when we were trying to have children, and having sex every day, we were definitely extra schmoopy with each other.
Every day isn’t quite possible at this stage in our lives, but we’re at three times a week minimum, which is pretty good compared to what people have told me happen in their homes. The more we do it, the more we want to do it, and so the cycle goes.
How about you? Do you have an active sex life? Do you find that it makes you happier in your marriage?
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I always hate these “have lots of sex and you’ll have a better marriage” articles. I really think it should be “have lots of intimacy and you’ll have a better marriage.” Being intimate with your partner doesn’t have to mean sex. It can mean holding hands, cuddling on the couch, kissing often, having loving conversations, playing footsie under the dinner table, etc. Sure, sex can be one of those things, but it isn’t THE thing. My husband and I are very close and very intimate, but we probably have sex 1-2 times a week. That works for us.
Tia | October 28th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I agree with Tia. Sex does not always equal intimacy. The best part about sex, for me? When it is over. That sounds awful, but I don’t mean it that way. I enjoy sex VERY much. But I really enjoy the hour or so AFTER sex where my husband and I lie together and spend time holding each other and talking about anything and everything. We both love how close we feel to each other during that time, and for days afterwards. And I agree that things like holding hands and cuddling on the couch are just as important - maybe even more important - than the physical act of sex.
Hannah | October 28th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I think the idea here is that you are merging with your husband, it may seem like sex but it’s because the moment you are together intimately you drop your thoughts, wants, future, past, etc.
You can merge with yourself, nature, and other people in many ways.
Yes sex is a great way to merge! Just try to extend that to all parts of your life to find more connection and bliss.
xoxoxo kt
MiniHipster.com
Katie | October 29th, 2011 at 8:40 am
Honestly, it is one more of a chore for me. I’m not (never really have been) comfortable with the act and at the end of the day I’m SO exhausted. I work all day and fight through 1.5 hour commute EACH WAY and take care of two kids and cooking and cleaning and at the end I just want to go to bed without having ONE MORE PERSON to take care of. I know it sounds awful, but I’m just not that interested. It’s not that I’m not interested in my husband, I’m just not interested in general. I love my husband and he is handsome and attractive and when we do have a REAL intimate time it’s awesome. Getting there is just more that I have to do.
It wasn’t this bad before the kids, but it wasn’t great either. I know it makes him unhappy a lot of the time and in turn, he’s not so sweet and romantic anymore either…bad cycle to be in…
MomofTwoPreciousGirls | October 30th, 2011 at 8:36 pm