with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
My Twitter feed lit up the other day with people referring to a post written by a woman, with the title “Divorce is immature and selfish. Don’t do it.”) (No, I’m not linking to it, because it was an obvious traffic link-baiting post. Feel free to Google if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
The title alone is such a blanket statement and some of her points are more ridiculous than others. “Divorce reflects mental illness” is one such example.
Now, hey. You all know that my husband and I have are not divorcing. We pledged “’til death do us part” and that is our plan. We have bumps - of course we do - but we work through them. Divorce isn’t an option, so we do all that we can to keep our marriage alive and growing (Date nights! Lots of sex! (Did I say that out loud?) Open communication!). We aren’t going anywhere.
Back to the fore-mentioned article, while it was crazy on so many levels (SO MANY), as a child of divorce — multiple divorces, actually — divorce should not be taken lightly.
I remember sitting on the steps of my house at three years of age watching my dad drive away to live in a new town, with a new wife. I remember hearing my Mom rant about how he was the bad guy for leaving and how she would have never left. He was a cheater! It was all his fault!
My Dad has never been anything but loving to me, so I felt so stuck in the middle. I loved my Mom and Dad! That’s how families worked! Why should I have to choose sides when I wasn’t even in Kindergarten yet?
(We moved in with her boyfriend/future husband right after my Dad left. In hindsight, she wasn’t so innocent.)
(On that note, my Mom was my Dad’s second wife, and he left his wife and three kids for her. She has always told the story that she didn’t know, but she likes to spin things in the light that makes her look good and him look bad.)
(I’m sensing a pattern here.)
There have been great blessings that came from my parents’ divorce and my Dad’s divorces and remarriage(s) - four younger siblings and three older siblings who I love more than I could ever articulate.
But still. Sometimes I feel like that little girl who watched her Daddy get into the car and drive away.
I hate that feeling and I do not want my kids to ever experience it. They won’t, because they scored the best Daddy on the planet, and we’re working on keeping our marriage not simply alive, but sparkly.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on divorce. Your personal experiences, whether a child of divorce, or someone who has gone through divorce. No judgement, ever. I’d just love to hear your stories.
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