Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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I have eight siblings. Yes, eight. My Dad has been married a few times and there are three “sets” of us. Three from the first marriage, two from his second marriage (I’m the oldest in that set), and four from the third set. I moved in with my Dad and step-mom (I call her Mom) when I was thirteen and was a bit of a “second Mom” to my younger siblings. It’s been great to redefine our relationship as adults, but being there as they were growing up was something that made me want to have four kids of my own.
My husband comes from a family where there were three kids. Him, and a younger sister and younger brother. They got (and get) along great and yet when we first started talking about children, he said that he only wanted two. I wanted four. We decided to aim for two and then go from there.
Our firstborn came along and then twenty months later, our second born popped out. Two beautiful baby boys. Having two babies so close together, I thought that we might be done. Maybe. But when our youngest turned one I thought that I might want to have one more baby, be it boy or girl. My husband felt the same.
Nine months later (ish), we had our daughter. We knew going into the pregnancy that it would be our last and after enduring some discomforts I’d never experienced before (Spider veins)(And varicose veins)(That showed up in my nether regions)(THAT WASN’T IN THE PREGNANCY BOOKS), I was more than happy to not be pregnant ever again.
We know that bearing three kids is what is perfect for us. As for how many kids we have? That’s still up in the air. We’ve often discussed adopting, or even fostering, and that’s still on the table.
How did your “vision” of kids play out? Or, if you haven’t had kids yet, how many do you want? Or, are you open to anything? (I love baby talk.)
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Um, there’s ANOTHER sibling?!? Why I haven’t I been told this?
I do the same thing all the time…
Dayna | March 30th, 2012 at 1:33 am
Ha! I need to stop counting myself as a sibling. Typo, corrected.
Angella | March 30th, 2012 at 1:38 am
I’m fairly sure we’ll try for two and then decide after that if we want more. I’m open to possibly three but not sure about four. Twins run in my family though so I could very well end up with 3 or 4 just trying for 2 or 3.
K | March 30th, 2012 at 7:18 am
Oh, the baby debate! We say 2-3.
Heather | March 30th, 2012 at 10:01 am
I always said I’d have 2, Corey said he’d have 4. After 2 really, really horrible pregnancies and the selfish part of me that doesn’t want to give up my body for another 9 months) we’re set. We are so happy with our girls but my heart longs for more kids. We have/are seriously talking about adoption - I believed as a kid that i’d never be able to give birth (a looong story) and that I’d have to adopt, when I got pregnant and so easily it was a true shock.
Right now we’re leaving it in God’s hands. If this family is to have another child God will place him/her in our arms and if we’re to keep loving our girls with our every breath - then we’ll happily do that too!
Ashley | March 30th, 2012 at 12:54 pm
This isn’t something I really thought about. I knew I didn’t want four, though. I grew up with four and there was SO MUCH FIGHTING and I said NEVER four. I know there were many other factors other than the number of children, but it’s like when you hear yourself say something that your mom used to say that you said you’d never say. You know that feeling? That’s what four kids would be like for me. Is this turning in to a post inside a comment? SORRY ABOUT THAT.
Anyway, my first kid was very unplanned and unexpected (17, FTW!) and when Noah and I were married 4.5 years later, I wanted another one eventually. I wanted a little being who was blood related to all of us, who would bind us all together. Noah wasn’t ready. I was okay with that, as I didn’t want another unwanted pregnancy. Then we got pregnant unexpectedly and he was PISSED. Two unwanted pregnancies? And the guilt/shame that went with them? I didn’t want to ever go through that hell again. And then we separated, got back together, and HE wanted another baby and I said SURE! and nine months and 11 days later Preston was born.
So, I guess I never really planned how many kids I wanted, I just planned how many kids I *didn’t* want. Or something. Pregnancy is a touchy subject with me.
Mrs. Wilson | March 30th, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I was told by four doctors that I wouldn’t have children….ever! So when Jaxon came along you can only imagine my shock and extreme joy, after he was born I was so happy I got to have just one. Then five months later, I was pregnant again….again totally shocked and overjoyed! Although both pregnancies were really rough, I can not imagine my life without them and if being pregnant wasn’t so hard I would have ten more!
Samantha | March 30th, 2012 at 7:45 pm
As a young woman, I would have loved to have many kids. I thought 6 was a good number (that’s how many my parents had). Life doesn’t usually go as planned, though, and I ended up adopting 2 when I was 40. That is plenty at my age and given that I’m a single mom. Two is more fun than I thought it could be, actually.
SKL | March 31st, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Actually as a teen, I didn’t want any children. There were 5 of us and I was the oldest. I hated that responsibility. I thought I would be an unmarried jet-setter, live in a penthouse, eat out often and travel all of the time, lol. I was unexpectedly pregnant at 18. I didn’t have the heart to go through with an abortion so I became a mom. She was my only child for 10 years. By then I was married and we had 2 more. I’m pretty sure that I’m at my limit. I don’t know where I could find the love for another child. My oldest is special to me because she is my first born. My second is special because he is my only son. My youngest is special to me because she is the baby. I don’t know how another child would fit.
April | April 5th, 2012 at 11:32 am
I have 2 beautiful daughters who are 5 years apart. Up until a couple of years ago, I would have been open to a 3rd, but now that they are 13 & 8, I say noooo way. As much as I love the baby years, I don’t want to go back to changing diapers and dealing with daycare! At this point, I will just wait for grandchildren lol…
Missy | September 23rd, 2012 at 3:09 pm