Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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The Internet has been aflame this week with incendiary posts. Time magazine’s cover photo got Twitter/Facebook/blogs all aflutter with their takes on if women were “Mom enough.” Yesterday’s post over at Babble about ‘Top 10 Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers’ got all of the Dads’ panties (Do Dads wear panties?) in a knot.
It’s 2012, people. Two thousand and twelve, twenty-twelve, however you pronounce it.
There are people who are stuck in stereotypes from fifty years ago, and God bless them. I hope they are happy.
As for my husband and I, we are truly equal partners when it comes to this whole parenting gig. Yes, I was the one who pushed three children out of my vagina (Our first born was 9 lbs, 12 oz., complete with a fourth degree tear. AND THEN WE HAD TWO MORE) but fetal hosting and pushing a watermelon out of a hole the size of an orange aside, he has done all of the things. Diaper changes, middle of the night feedings, bath time, bedtime, packing school lunches, etc.
I would say that he is the better parent because he is Mr. Clean, and because he has run the ship for the past two years as I worked long days at an office in the next town. He says that I am the better parent because I do what needs to be done and also take time to sit and listen. I may be a chatterbox but I also love to hear everyone else’s stories.
We’re a good parenting team, I think, and it has nothing to do with the Mom and Dad titles that get everyone all worked up. He is the Dad, but he’s not a bumbling idiot. I am the Mom, and do all that I can to love on my kids, but sometimes they just prefer their Dad. He’s really good at wrestling on the floor, and I am not. He’s also kind of awesome, in every way, which is why I married him. Our kids have clued into his magnificence and love him even more for it.
I think that we have a good balance going on over here, but I know that it’s not everyone’s reality.
Who do you think is the better parent in your relationship?
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My husband and I are the same way! Sometimes I feel alone in that respect - that we are the only people that think that Dads are as competent as Moms at raising a family! Yes, and to your point, we both have our own strengths - which our boys understand almost instinctually and gravitate to the one they want or need. I love it that our kids have a strong bond with their Dad and that they prefer him sometimes! Where/when I grew up, fathers weren’t involved with the child rearing and I always felt this was a huge hole in everyone’s lives. Glad to see others understanding and appreciating Dads role in happiness of the family as not just the “breadwinner” !!! (and that Moms are good at bring home the dough too! ;))
Joni | May 15th, 2012 at 10:10 am
Exactly! Parenting is a TEAM sport.
I was really disappointed by the Dad Bloggers Panty Knotting over the Top 10 list.
http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/05/15/i-bbq-my-wife-does-laundry-and-other-gender-stereotypes/
Buzz | May 15th, 2012 at 2:55 pm
We definitely approach parenting as a team. There are things I’m better at (snuggles and feeding) and things he is better at (dude can change a diaper while G is crawling. I BOW DOWN!) The stuff floating around the internet this week is ridiculous and so disappointing.
hillary | May 15th, 2012 at 4:12 pm
Rob and I are definitely equal partners when it comes to housework, cooking, childcare, etc. And we are both good parents! Not one of us is ‘better’ than the other. We bring different strengths and abilities to the table, and work together well.
I feel very sorry for children who have those ridiculous 1950’s gender stereotypes forced down their throats. I love the fact that my boys get to observe their parents working together as a team, and by doing chores they are helping as part of that team. I want them to know that cooking and cleaning is not “women’s work” and that changing nappies is a job that both parents should share since the baby belongs to both of them!
The guy who wrote that “Top 10 Things” article obviously has some serious parenting deficiencies, but instead of choosing to work on them, he seems quite happy to blame them on the fact that he has a penis (while simultaneously bashing other fathers who are no doubt a million times more competent than he is). What a catch! Not!
Hannah | May 15th, 2012 at 4:28 pm
I have no idea! We’ll have to wait and see.
Did it take some time for you to reach the balance you have? Were there times in the early days, with young toddlers and infants where it didn’t feel as good as it does now?
Heather | May 15th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
We both have our strengths. I don’t know which one is ‘better.’
D | May 16th, 2012 at 12:17 am
Heather - He’s been hands on since day one. He would take one feeding at night so I could get a longer stretch of sleep, and he’s do diaper changes, etc. There was one night where Graham wouldn’t settle. I’d fed him, changed him, rocked him, and he was still crying. Matthew came down and sent me to bed, and Graham fell asleep. He just needed a different set of arms.
Angella | May 16th, 2012 at 10:07 am