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Committed: The Ties that Bond

with Angella Dykstra

I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.

Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.

Would your marriage survive an affair?

Categories: divorce, marriage

4 comments

I’m sure that you’ve all heard about the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart debacle, which is a hard one to miss because it is being dissected EVERYWHERE. It’s hard enough to find out that the one you love has cheated on you; I can’t imagine how horrible it must be for those two. I don’t know them at all (obviously), but for some reason I hope they can work it out.

I have never had my husband cheat on me, and neither of us plan on that happening, which is why we work hard at keeping our relationship fresh and alive. Date nights, sex more nights than not, time at the end of the day to connect, etc. We also don’t spend time alone with members of the opposite sex (i.e. coffee dates, movies, etc.) We do have friends of the opposite sex, but we hang out in groups.

That said, were an affair to happen, I would be devastated. Before I ever got married, I vowed that if my future husband ever cheated, I would leave. End of story. But now that we’ve been together for twelve years, have three kids together, pets, a home, I don’t know if it would be a cut and dried decision. I know couples who have dealt with one of them cheating and worked through it. It’s so complicated.

And you? Would your marriage (or committed relationship) survive an affair?



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4 comments so far...

  • Well, I wasn’t married then, but my now husband and I did go through this. It was devastating and everything you can imagine. It was extra complicated by other things but we ultimately worked through it and are now happily married. It was one of the worst things I’d ever been through. At the time, we had been together for a few years and I was ready to commit to marriage. When you get that ‘forever’ mentality in your mind, it’s difficult to just walk away, even when the worst you can ever imagine happens (at least for me it was). As a result of everything that happened, he decided he wanted to be with me and only me. It took me a while but he did all the right things and we eventually worked through it and came out on the other side stronger than ever. He even apologized to my parents for breaking their girl’s heart.
    I hope to never have to endure anything like that ever again.

    Kay  |  August 10th, 2012 at 1:51 pm

  • I couldn’t. If my partner had an affair, I could not make it work. I would leave. For sure.

    There are much better people than me put there who would take their partner back, and forgive them and move on, but I could not. Been there, didn’t go back, don’t regret it.

    Jen  |  August 10th, 2012 at 3:00 pm

  • I think this is one of those things where you can never really know the answer until you are faced with it. I think I could forgive it once. And as long as it wasn’t a love affair, but just sex. Then again, I guess I won’t know unless it happens. But like you, we don’t plan on having that ever happen.

    Carrisa  |  August 10th, 2012 at 3:56 pm

  • I don’t know that my marriage would survive. So much of our relationship is built on trust, so the very foundation of our marriage would be gone.

    Teri  |  August 11th, 2012 at 1:55 am

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