My husband and I lead very (VERY) busy lives between work and three kids and activities. The last few weeks have been even busier, due to the conference I attended, my son hurting his collarbone (It’s not broken, but we spent an entire day in the ER just to find that out), and a few other ‘extra’ things going on. I’ve been manically trying to catch up, to the point where I’ve had moments where it’s hard to breathe. Then, last Thursday night, my husband and I sat down after the kids were in bed and, well. I won’t go into details, but he pointed out a few things that I could ‘improve on.’ And then I hit him with a frying pan.
Archive for October, 2012
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
2. Encourage each other. Support their hobbies, tell them what they’re good at, be their biggest supporter.
3. Don’t bad-mouth them to your friends (or Mom). Joking about the things that are common knowledge (like my husband’s neat-freak reputation) is one thing, but tearing them down to others is off the table.
4. Spend time together without the kids. Dinner and a movie is a lovely evening out, but even sitting together on the couch (with the TV off) will help keep you connected.
I was out of town this past weekend for a blogging conference. I flew out Friday morning and arrived home Sunday night. It’s my favorite annual conference and I always come back of it refreshed and recharged from spending quality time with some of my favorite people from inside (and outside) of the computer. I chatted with my family each day, but they were busy with activities and such and didn’t miss me (too) horribly.
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Yesterday morning, my daughter and I arrived at her school and parked the van. My oldest son immediately started walking towards us (He and his brother prefer to take the bus so that they can hang out with their friends) and I knew that something was up. Something was up — my middle child was injured.
A bunch of kids had been playing tag, when one of the girls slipped and fell. My son then tripped over her and landed right on his shoulder. When I got to the office, he was sitting in the big comfy chair with an ice pack on his shoulder. He cried whenever he moved his arm — at all — and the principal said that he had the same reaction when he broke his own collarbone.
I am a photographer, so I take many (many, many) photos of my kids all year long. It was much easier to take them when they were younger, yes, but they are at an age where they know that if they give me JUST ONE good photo, they will be free to go. Their Dad has yet to learn this lesson, as evidenced by this photo that I took on a lunch date we had two weeks ago.
I went with the traditional look when my husband and I got married and wore a white dress. I skipped the veil, though, because I thought it would feel annoying and couldn’t be bothered with wearing one. Everything else was done the way I was told it needed to be done (’Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue’).
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The holiday season is fast approaching (I’m sorry for the reminder) and with it comes the big family dinners for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My side of the family is spread across the country, but my husband’s parents and siblings (and their kids) all either live here, or are a few hours away. We aim to get us all together for Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and usually hit two out of the three each year.
We used to converge on my in-laws house for the dinners, but then they moved away for a few years and I discovered that I love to host dinner parties. Love, love, love it. I spend a good three days preparing, between planning the meal, getting the food, and prepping as much as I can in advance of the dinner. I’ve got it down to a (crazy, hectic) science in that once everything is done and we all sit down to eat, I am done. I enjoy my meal with everyone else and then my husband and the rest of the family cleans up the mess and I relax with a glass of wine.
Who hosts the family dinners in your family?
I’m a huge proponent of having sex with your spouse as often as you can make it work. We average about 4-5 times a week, now that our kids are school-aged and no longer waking up in the night. We make “alone time” a priority because 1. We enjoy it, and 2. Our physical connection supports our emotional connection and makes us feel closer. I am hardly an expert, though, which is why I’m going to point you toward some research and statistics.
When we were pregnant with our third child, our church put on the Alpha marriage course. A bunch of our friends signed up for it, and we did too. Nothing was “wrong” in our relationship, but we thought that getting out of the house once a week for a nice dessert and some one-on-one time couldn’t hurt.