

Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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In my eight years of writing on the Internet, I have been lucky to have very few encounters with mean people or mean comments. My personal site is basically an online journal about my family and myself, and I don’t really talk about controversial subjects that would cause people to cross from ‘respectfully disagreeing’ to ‘being a douche canoe.’
The same goes for this column here and other sites I do freelance writing for. I mean, such sites love it if you push the envelope a bit, because it gets people talking and that’s the name of the game. Even then, I’m considered to be pretty mild in the world of bloggers.
That said, there have been a few people over the years who have gone on the attack in the comment section and while it stings initially (especially one where someone said that my daughter was ugly)(She is STUNNING, for the record), I have come to learn that those comments really have nothing to do with me, but have everything to go with the people writing them. They are unhappy, hurtful people, and are projecting their misery onto me and want me to feel as low as they do. It’s sad, really.
Yesterday afternoon, I stopped at the mailboxes on the way to pick up my kids from school. There was a letter addressed to me, which had no return address. I opened it up and after starting with “With all due respect and no harm intended.” (Aside: That is not a complete sentence), the writer had proceeded to type two full pages of harmful and disrespectful words.
She (He?)(We’ll never know, because they’re ANONYMOUS) referred to a post that I had written here in November titled “5 ways to survive the holidays with your in-laws“.
Before I write anything else, there are a few things that those of you who don’t know me in real life need to know:
1. Both my family and my husband’s family read what I post on my personal site, and here. We are all connected on Facebook, I link to everything, and I’m not an anonymous blogger. My Dad will even call me after he’s read a post that he likes. So OBVIOUSLY, I would never write a post about anyone I’m related to.
2. We don’t have a “drunk Uncle Ted”, or any drunken family members who come to dinner. That’s an Internet joke.
3. We spend almost every holiday dinner with my in-laws (Parents and siblings and cousins) because they live close by, whereas my extended family is far-flung. We eat, we drink wine, we laugh, we have a great time. I am the one hosting, usually, because I LOVE cooking and hosting parties.
4. I’ve never set off the fire alarm (intentionally).
When the holidays were upon us and I needed a topic to do with relationships, I thought I’d write a funny post about surviving it with the in-laws because I saw so many statuses from people bemoaning the fact that they had to spend time with their extended family. I couldn’t relate, but I could give some tongue-in-cheek “advice” in a post.
As for Anonymous, I could post the entire letter, but it’s not worth my time to spend time typing out two pages of nonsense. There are a few golden nuggets, though.
I could have posted this on the Internet for the entire world to read but I chose to be discreet and send it anonymously.
Fact: Sending anonymous letters or writing anonymous comments only show that the person writing them coward. That’s common knowledge. If someone really cared, they would identify themselves.
There is something very wrong with this generation if we have the time to be on the Internet all day long putting housework, laundry, child care, cooking, etc aside and blogging unimportant, trivial, and personal matters on the World Wide Web.
Oh, ho ho. This post, and the one Anonymous linked to, as well as every other post I write here (or anywhere else I freelance)? It’s my job. I get paid to write them. When I’m not working, I’m shuttling my kids to and from school, meal planning and grocery shopping, cooking dinner and packing lunches, cleaning and sorting laundry, volunteering at the food bank/my church/my kids’ school. Being “on the Internet all day long”? Oh, man. That one made me laugh out loud. Most days I do my writing, be it work or personal, after the kids are in bed.
The concluding sentence:
Some people come into your life as blessings; others come into your life as lessons.
Anonymous has made it clear that she (he?) is definitely not a blessing, but that they are teaching me a lesson. They did. People who know nothing about you are so off-base in their ramblings only look like a complete and utter fool. After the initial shock that someone was creepy enough to send me a typed letter in the mail, I found the humor in it all. And hey, they gave me something to write about. Thanks for the inspiration, Anonymous.
Have you ever received hate mail/comments, etc.?
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The funny thing, well, ONE of the funny things about this is that anonymous spends so much of their day reading internet blogs and then spends so much more time writing long, dreary, bulling, arrogant, cowardly, unintelligent letters. Maybe anonymous should GET A JOB. Or a life. Or whatever.
Danica | February 15th, 2013 at 6:08 pm
Totally got one for a Chew On That post I did about Sandra Lee and how awful she is.
Mine’s on the corkboard in our office. It gives me a good laugh every once in awhile.
Dan
Dan Kamys | February 15th, 2013 at 6:10 pm
I have yet to receive hate mail or blog comments, though there have been some snide remarks made on our Facebook page. Certain people, who did not remain anonymous felt it necessary to criticize the amount of time we’ve spent in hospital with our Audrey praying for answers and her to live as something we WANTED to do and that we should find something better to do for FUN. It made my face turn all shades of angry red.
Then I decided they weren’t worth my energy, and neither is the person sending anonymous hate mail to our favourite Summerand ladies. Here’s hoping their next cause is a real one
Ashley S | February 15th, 2013 at 8:37 pm
It’s a little creepy that they know enough to mail you a letter. At least you have a PO Box.
Heather | February 15th, 2013 at 10:46 pm
What Heather said. That is somewhat frightening.
monstergirlee | February 16th, 2013 at 2:11 am
I think the moral of the story is haters gonna hate. That’s why they drink haterade.
As an aside, Angella, I thought that was a really entertaining post!
Dan
Dan Kamys | February 16th, 2013 at 1:52 pm
Thanks for your comments and thoughts, folks!
Dan - haterdade made me laugh out loud. Love it.
Angella | February 17th, 2013 at 11:15 am
ok. that is creepy. its weird enough when people get riled up enough to post rude comments, but sending a typed out letter in the mail??? it’s gotta be someone you “know”.
angela | February 20th, 2013 at 10:48 am
Sounds like we were hit by the same Anonymous, typed letter jerkwad. I think Ethel needs to make another appearance on stage and strike back!
Amanda Brown | February 20th, 2013 at 2:31 pm
I’ve been writing for women’s sites for 12 years and running my own fitness sites for 6 years so i do have experience with it. A woman sent me a very nasty email once about an exercise she felt was dangerous.
When I first started writing and receiving hate mail it did upset me but then I realized that people send stuff like that because they’re in a bad place so instead of writing back I would write an article explaining the exercise in more detail and how yes it was maybe not a good for for all fitness levels or people with back issues but perfectly o.k. for healthy folks without back pain or injuries or who are very experienced with exercise and then I would send them a link to that instead.
I don’t enjoy hate mail but it inspires me to write better content and to find solutions for people who are struggling with body issues or emotional setbacks.
monica neave | February 20th, 2013 at 2:52 pm
I can’t believe someone MAILED you a hate letter. I think that would freak me out.
Miss Britt | February 25th, 2013 at 10:31 am
The lady who sent me the letter I mentioned EMAILED it ; ) but another woman who got my address from my newsletter list actually started sending me “care packages” [most newsletter services require your address to be in your emails and I stupidly used my address instead of getting p.o. box]
At first it was cute and harmless then her behavior started to worry me a lot but I looked up tips about online stalking and just started ignoring her, blocked her from all my lists and she finally disappeared.
Hate email or nasty blog comments I can handle. Weirdo stalker type behavior definitely freaked me out. Now I use a p.o. box for my lists and have taken a few other measures to stay safe online.
monica neave | February 25th, 2013 at 3:14 pm
I don’t usually comment on blogs, but today I felt it was the right thing to do after stumbling across this post. I’ve been reading your blogs for a very long time and I just want to say that although I don’t know you in real life, I think you are a wonderful person. Your posts are so honest, heartfelt and real and I can’t imagine how you must have felt when you received hate mail. That is so horrible and it makes no sense whatsoever. I say that because in my opinion, you are always so careful when choosing your words and topics for your blogs. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let bullies discourage you or stand in your way! You’re a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for taking the time to share your stories about family, love, friendship, motherhood, parenting and life in general. You inspire many of us to be a better person so I just want to thank you for that. All the best to you and your family.
Paula | March 13th, 2013 at 5:11 pm