Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
MSN.com posted an article that was originally in Oprah’s “O” magazine, written by Rita Wilson (wife of one Tom Hanks, in case you were not aware). In the article she talks about a time when they were riding in the car the her parents and the question, “Would you marry the same person again?” came up. One of her parents threw out a “Not me!”
It’s a good article that got me thinking. We’re coming up on our ten year anniversary and the question “If you knew at 25 what you know today about your spouse, would you still marry the same person?” made me think I should address it.
I was twenty-five when I got married (Which means I’m coming up on thirty-five but we need not talk about that right now. Or ever.)
When I asked myself if I would marry him again, the answer was a resounding YES.
As I’ve mentioned numerous times, we got engaged after a month of dating and then married five months later. I knew that he was amazing (Hence the marriage) but did not truly know how deep the well of his awesomesauce was.
Ten years later I am fully aware of how good I have it and what a mistake it would have been to not marry him.
How about you? Would you marry your spouse again?
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I know the question is intended as a thought exercise for married couples, but as a newly divorced woman, my initial reading of your question was a bit different - and yet, my answer, which surprised even me for a moment, was a resounding yes. If I knew then what I know now, I would have married him anyway. And not because I found a “well of awesomeness” - far from it - but because of the ways I’ve grown coming out on the other side. Anyway, thinking about my own personal answer to your question made me realize something - I am happy, even in the middle of less than ideal circumstances. And, I wanted to share because I think it’s important that no matter what our decisions are, and how they turn out in the end, that we learn to live not in regret but in appreciation for what we’ve learned in the process that will serve us well moving forward. There is always a silver lining.
Jesse | October 30th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Twelve years later I would marry him a hundred times over.
Angie | October 30th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Heck yeah!
Teri | October 30th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I don’t even have to think about that one. HELL YES I would marry him again. In fact, one day we would like to renew our vows, preferably on a beach somewhere in the Carribean.
Kami | October 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
The answer for both Noah and me? No. Yup, that’s right. If he knew how insane I’d be (literally), he wouldn’t have married me. If I knew marriage was going to be THIS HARD and that you’d feel so trapped, I wouldn’t have done it.
Yup, we’re getting along JUST FINE.
Mrs. Wilson | October 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Well, I definitely would. I got a good one, and my kid is pretty ridiculously awesome and my husband is at least partly responsible for that awesomeness, but I thought this interesting because I watched a close friend go through a divorce, a divorce many of her friends saw coming even at their wedding. She asked me post-divorce, “Why didn’t you say something to me?” I said, “Well, would you have believed me?” She agreed that no, she would have married him anyway. There’s a HUGE difference between knowing something and feeling it and I think because of that a lot of us would still do many things over again even if we were warned of the outcome from the beginning.
Jennie | October 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I still love my husband, I do, and he helped create the most fabulous girl I’ve ever known, but 11 years together and 7 of them married and I don’t know if I would do it again. I was 17 when we started dating, 21 when we married. I never got to experience life or get to know myself apart from him. I feel as if I missed a lot. There are so many things I wish I had done before committing. That being said, I dont know if I would have found anyone else to handle my craziness. When I start to think “it could be better” I remember it could be so much worse. I’ll stick with what I’ve got, a solid marriage and an amazing daughter that I wouldn’t change for anything.
Jennifer | October 30th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
YES. Without a doubt.
Hannah | October 30th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
You know, most people are going to say yes, once someone makes a d
Marriage, most of the time produces kids, no one regrets their children. For me, things did not work out and I don’t see eye to eye with my ex but would I marry again, in my present situation. No, if I was back where I was yes.
Baby Moses | October 31st, 2009 at 5:04 am
ABSOLUTELY! My husband and I have been married for 10 years, but together for 18 total. We have had ups and downs…sometimes even sideways moments, but when it comes down to it - I would change any of it for the world!
Randa | November 3rd, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I would marry him again in a hearbeat.
kristi | November 5th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I would marry him again. I was 18 and on a destructive path when I met him. My life would’ve been horrible had I continued on that path. I fell in love with everything about him and he made me see what I really wanted. But I would’ve changed things about our courtship. I would’ve made him chase me instead of the other way around. And I would be more, um, assertive (for lack of a better word..) I was so scared of losing him that I gave everything I had and didn’t ask for much in return. He’s spoiled in that I never complain, never nag, never tell him “no you can’t do that”. But then, maybe if I’d been more assertive, he wouldn’t have married me. Hmmmmmm, I’ll have to ask him. LOL.
Been together for 11 years now, and married for 7.
Erica | November 5th, 2009 at 2:10 pm