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Committed: The Ties that Bond

with Angella Dykstra

I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.

Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.

Do you want a marriage proposal do-over?

Categories: marriage

14 comments

My (now) husband and I started talking about marriage pretty soon after we started dating and had discussed where we would live, when we would get married and even bought my engagement ring together.

(Side note: I used to think that helping to pick out your engagement ring was so unromantic and awful…until I spent an entire day trying to find ONE ring I loved. You would think that the simple desire for a solitaire would prove to be easy to fulfill but OH NO IT WAS NOT. However. It was all worth it because I love my ring.)

I was pretty sure we were going to get engaged on the day we did, in fact, get engaged. We went for dinner at a nice restaurant at the local ski hill and even went for a horse-drawn sleigh ride. (There was was a shortage of snow, so it ended up being a horse-drawn wagon ride…through the parking lot. It was quite comical, actually.) We then left the mountain and went for a drive along the lake and got out to walk on the docks (On December 30th, mind you) and my (now) husband got down on one knee and proposed. It was a beautiful night (albeit cold) and the dock we got engaged on is in the small town that we’ve lived in for the past ten years. I see the spot often and smile every time.

I wouldn’t change a thing about the proposal. Unless, you know, the engagement had involved a trip to somewhere tropical.

The Daily Mail published an article outlining a survey that found that 26% (one in FOUR) women hated the way their husbands proposed and still more people didn’t hate their proposal but would have changed aspects of it.

How about you? Are you happy with how your proposal went down, or would you have a do-over if you could?



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14 comments so far...

  • I’m not engaged yet but I’m sure however my boyfriend plans to propose (assuming he is planning to do so soon) will be perfect for us. :)

    K  |  March 25th, 2011 at 10:59 am

  • Before we started dating, my now husband, would always have conversations with people while in my presence surrounding romantic ventures like hot air balloons, rose petals, and other exciting and sweet things like that, so I assumed our engagement would be super special and romantic. Instead he walked out back of my parents house down to the pond and tried to play a lame conversation about how the jeweler scratched the diamond on my grandmothers ring that was being resized for my engagement ring and but that it was okay, the jeweler said he could fix it and “he gave me this ring for you to wear in the mean time..” and he pulled out my grandmother’s ring. It was all very cheesy and totally not a surprise because, DUH, you can’t scratch a diamond…ugh. I love my husband and I still said yes obviously, lol. But it sure would be nice for those romantic ventures he bragged about to make an appearance any time now. :)

    Stephanie Parnell  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:05 am

  • One more thing: I wonder if some women dislike the way they were proposed to because society has built it up so much? In movies and such they always make a big deal about proposals. Maybe women sometimes have high expectations as a result.

    K  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:07 am

  • I would say that society didn’t build it up for me, but my friend/boyfriend/fiance/now-husband certainly did!
    But hey, we are married, we had a beautiful wedding and now have a beautiful 16 month old little girl that we adore….life is good :)

    Stephanie Parnell  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:13 am

  • I’d love a do-over. I was expecting it in a way, but not really on that particular day. I’d overheard him talking about buying my ring, but I didn’t know the details. We went to dinner and when we got back in the vehicle he pulled the ring out of his coat pocket. Before he could say anything I grabbed him, hugged him and said Yes. Now I wish I’d have let him say SOMETHING.

    Melanie  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:22 am

  • I actually didn’t get a real proposal, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s my favorite story to tell.

    My husband knew that I had never planned on marrying, so he went ‘fishing’ to see what I thought of the idea. He had just returned from a fishing trip and was telling me about it. “I caught a bazillion fish, told Mike it was about time to make an honest woman of you, we got back to shore and…..” He continued with his story! I was in such shock I didn’t even respond.

    About a week later he did the same thing, this time I told him that if he was serious he needed to let me know, if not he needed to quit joking about it. He was serious and we’re celebrating our sixth anniversary in May.

    sherri  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:51 am

  • My fiance proposed a little over a month ago. It was not some huge grand gesture. It was in the kitchen, while I was making mashed potatoes. And it was the most perfect proposal because it was just about me and him, in our little house, doing what we love - cooking together and enjoying a nice evening at home :)

    Emily  |  March 25th, 2011 at 11:54 am

  • Yes I would.
    His intentions were good; just not well thought out. (But he was nineteen!!! So, can you blame him? I can’t.)
    The wedding was already in the works, and we had already chosen the ring together, but he did so want to ’surprise’ me and pop the question.
    So, on the anniversary of our first date, he woke me up with breakfast in bed, complete with champagne and orange juice. And, of course, the official proposal and the ring. It was a very special five minutes.
    Because then his Mom knocked on the bedroom door and said she was uncomfortable with us being alone in there (even though she knew what was going down).
    And then she brought in a camera and snapped a bad photo with me all groggy in my flannels, with my eyes half closed, hair stringy, holding up a glass of champagne.
    Yeah. Could we get a do-over?

    Danica  |  March 25th, 2011 at 1:43 pm

  • I’m a guy, why would I want a do over?

    My simple “Wanna get married?” seems to have worked fine - 36th anniversary is this year.

    Dan  |  March 25th, 2011 at 1:59 pm

  • I would have a do over. He would too, I believe. He wanted it to be a little more of a grand gesture. We ran out of time (I wanted to tell people by Christmas) but I don’t think that the feelings that followed could have been any better.

    Heather  |  March 25th, 2011 at 2:59 pm

  • nope, i am happy with our story! Sometimes i think a funny story is better than any grand gesture!
    We had picked out the rings together (i am way to picky and he was too afraid of getting something i wouldn’t like! lol) but he wanted the proposal to be a surprise.
    So we are out on the balcony of our condo on a BEAUTIFUL afternoon and he gets all shifty and weird and nervous. I figured out where it was going and had butterflies in MY stomach! He then got down on one knee, asked me to marry him, and opened the ring box… and i LAUGHED awkwardly - it was the wedding band, not the engagement ring! HA! he then ran inside, got the other box, and picked up where he left off!
    I couldn’t ask for anything better :) 10 years later, he still cracks me up :)

    kate  |  March 25th, 2011 at 5:50 pm

  • Nope. No “do over” for me.
    I had NO clue it was happening, which was just wonderful! He asked my parents’ permission first, which I think is SO romantic. I didn’t choose my own ring … he chose it all by himself, and it was/is absolutely PERFECT. The proposal itself was very romantic: at the beach, on bended knee in the surf, not a soul around … he even had wine glasses engraved with the date so we could have a toast afterwards, and set up the camera to take photos. We both wrote poems about it afterwards. Wouldn’t change a single thing :-)

    Hannah  |  March 25th, 2011 at 5:54 pm

  • I wouldn’t change mind at all…because it really was funny and totally unromantic, just like Hubby. On the day I graduated from teacher’s college we went to Costco to do some shopping. He very nonchalantly asked me if I wanted the ring I kept looking at. Sure, I told him…until I tried it on and hated the way it looked. We booked it up the highway to the city closer to home and I found the perfect set that I still love today. It still makes me giggle when I think of the way he “asked” me. :)

    Amanda  |  March 25th, 2011 at 8:54 pm

  • Nope, no do-over for us. We had my engagement ring custom made, so I knew all along when it would be ready. We lived in separate towns, so spent weekends together. Right about the end of the month, when I knew the ring would be ready (it was being made by a jeweller in his town), he suggested he come over that weekend, and we book a nice little getaway at a swanky hotel downtown. Well, I KNEW what was up, so I rushed out over my lunch-hours to find the perfect lingerie. ;) I’d say he lasted about a whole half-hour after we checked into the room to get down on one knee to ask. The “OMG” moment came when he realized the outer pocket of hte duffel bag he used to pack his weekend clothes had a big hole along the bottom (seam ripped out) and THAT WAS THE POCKET where he’d put the ring! And travelled via a Greyhound bus, over a 2-hour packed ferry ride (Vic to Van), onto a Greyhound bus again and a 20-minute walk through downtown to the hotel. How that ring never fell out during all those travels, I do not know!!

    So yeah, no do-over for us. Except maybe that we now buy more expensive luggage. 14 years married too.

    Angela  |  March 28th, 2011 at 12:23 pm

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