Committed: The Ties that Bond
with Angella Dykstra
I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.
Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.
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Let’s say that you are a working Mom (in addition to the work that goes into simply being a Mom). Let’s say that your husband is a working Dad (in addition to the work that goes into simply being a Dad). You also are in charge of things like groceries and cooking, he’s also in charge of things like keeping the garden growing and the fixing the oven/washer/dishwasher when they break.
(I do not envy him. When electronics break, I get disproportionately ANGRY.)
As I wrote about last week, we’re in the midst of summer break, and trying to balance our work schedules while keeping our kids entertained. We do a daily dance of ‘What do you need to get done today?’ and ‘No, YOU can get your work done’ and, man. We both have work that needs to get done, neither of us wants to be working into the wee hours of the morning, and we’re afraid as coming across as the person saying that their work is a higher priority than the others.
I have deadlines, for both career work and freelance work, so I’ve taken to meeting those and letting other stuff wait, because they can. He has one BILLION things to do before September, when all of the children and families activities start, so he’s been attending meetings and wrangling our kids and cramming a lot of emails and such in a short amount of time so that we still get down time in the evenings.
We’ve swung the career pendulum a number of times in our married life; one of us was the primary breadwinner while the other one did what they could to contribute, based on our situation. Right now, we’re on equal footing, bread winning-wise, so we’re navigating new territory. So far, we’re finding a balance. So far.
How does it work for you in your relationship? Do one of you have work that takes higher priority?
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So, for the next short while, we balance careers and life, sans enfant. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a balance. We have the advantage that we are both teachers so we really get the work we each have to do and while our salaries are not the same, the difference is never equated with whose work is more important. Another advantage is that he is high school and I am elementary, so we don’t have the same busy times. During basketball season, I don’t expect him to do 50% of the cooking and chores. Likewise, when I am holed up with report cards, he doesn’t expect much from me. When I had morning sickness that lasted all day in June, he didn’t really get it at first, but took over EVERYTHING.
We have our squabbles but I think that we have a pretty good balance that will lead to balance when we have kids. I hope.
Heather | August 14th, 2012 at 6:38 pm
Well, I make a pretty good salary for my peer group, but he makes twice what I make (he has an awesome salary!). He has more degrees and in some ways, has worked “harder” to get where he is. He cares more about his job than I do. I’m the one who says I’d quit in an instant to be a SAHM if I could (I used to be but then we made a decision to buy a bigger house ). He’s the one who says, “I can’t imagine being a stay-at-home parent”. Neither of us are self-employed. So, overall, I’d have to say his work takes higher priority, most of the time. Thankfully, that works for us.
Angela | August 21st, 2012 at 5:13 pm
The fact that one partner makes more money than the other is irrelevant I worked with my husband in a busy retail business for 18 years and we both had different roles to play in our work, We found that as long as we talked through the jobs that needed doing and respected the work the other partner had to do everything worked great. Its communication that matters in a relationship not the work and by the way we brought up 3 lovely kids that all turned out great
Sandie | September 13th, 2012 at 11:34 pm