I have mentioned more than a few times that my husband and I do not fight very often. By “not very often” I mean, “I can’t remember the last time we truly fought.” We disagree, debate and discuss but it so rarely turns into a Really Big Deal. Part of it is due to the fact that we are inherently compatible, part of it is due to the fact that he is a quiet, calming force in stark contrast to my high-energy nature, and part of it is due to the fact that I am a smidgen on the conniving side.

That’s right. I plot and I ploy and I scheme. It’s all for the greater good. For the most part. Let me explain.

My husband (never reads these posts which means I can confess this, and) is great and wonderful and truly a far better parent than I will ever be. I have just learned that timing is everything when it comes to bringing up certain topics.

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Nearly ten years into our marriage we are always looking for ways to keep things new, fresh and awesome. Marriage is great and fantastic and amazing but it can easily fall into a routine and that thing that the kids nowadays call a rut.

While scouring the Internet for relationship articles I came across this one at MSN.com titled, “The Naked Truth.”

No, the plan is not to hang out whilst naked. While my husband would have no issues with that scenario, my three children just might be scarred for life.

The article threw out the suggestion of creating new email accounts that are only used for the purpose of flirting with your spouse. No talk of household items, or chores, or child-rearing issues. The new accounts are ALL ABOUT THE FLIRTING.

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I came across a post over at Yahoo Shine titled “5 Things You Don’t Need To Have In Common.” Here are the five points with my (Painfully boring) commentary beneath them.

1. Different Music Tastes

As I sit here typing this my husband has his headphones on and is listening to some band I (and you) have never heard of. We do have a lot of common interests in music but I will never understand the obsession that he had with techno music when he was a high school basketball star. Due to that obsession of his (and a fairly sheltered childhood) he has little to no awareness of the music created in the eighties and nineties. I mourn for him daily.

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I read an article over at Divine Caroline with the title, “Why Passive Aggressive Behavior is Okay, Sometimes.”

The author stated that people would probably disagree with her theory, and when I read this quote: “I am not suggesting that passive aggression is a goal or destination, but rather a resting place where we can think and reflect.” I DISAGREED. Really LOUDLY. IN MY HEAD, but still.

I am a communicator. I like to talk, yes, (just try and shut me up) but I also like to communicate. If there is an issue, let’s discuss it, work through it, and move on.

My husband, however, is passive aggressive. He fully admits to it. I can tell when something is wrong and I will ask him twenty times over to communicate with me already. He will respond with the standard, “I’m fine.”

But he is NOT fine. And I am not fine, because I have that nauseous “something’s wrong” feeling in my stomach which could easily be resolved if we coud just hash it out already.

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We were visiting with friends this week and the topic of having a TV in your bedroom came up. Our friends have a television in their room and will often turn it on at the end of the day. The husband is more of a night owl and will stay up watching late night TV while his wife drifts off to sleep. It works for them.

My husband and I don’t have a TV in our bedroom. We are not opposed to it, but have just never seen the need for it. It’s just as easy to cuddle on the couch to watch the boob tube as it is to watch it in our room.

I once had a coworker that having a TV in her bedroom was one of the reason that her marriage came to an end. She and her husband had gotten into the habit of watching shows rather than talking and, well, you know.

How about you? Do you have a TV in your bedroom?

This past little while my husband and I have been guilty of…coasting. We have both been pulled in many directions with work, life commitments and kids that our relationship has taken the brunt of it. Nothing is wrong and we aren’t having any problems, but we have just been a little disconnected. Not physically (I’ll stop there), but emotionally.

By the time we survive the day, get the kids to bed and finish chores/work that needs to be done we are tired. If we aren’t quite ready to call it a night we will curl up on the couch and watch one of the many shows that have piled up on the PVR. While the cuddle time is nice, it is not exactly what I would call “quality time.”

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Matthew and I have come to a place in our lives where we are feeling burdened with all that we have on the go. I have three part-time jobs, as does he. We balance our work load so that one of us works while the other one deals with school drop-off and pickup, groceries, errands, meal preparation, etc. One of us is working while the other one parents, and then we make the switch so the other one can attempt to scratch a few things off of their to-do list.

There are also many evenings spent with dueling laptops on the kitchen table after the kids are in bed so that we can try to keep up. Throw in kids’ activities and an attempt to keep in touch with our friends, and we are feeling as though every spare minute of our lives is full to bursting.

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This past week I had a post up over at The Daily Grommet which is all about the cookies that I make for my (chocoholic) husband and (by default) my (chocoholic) children. The kids refer to said cookies as “Daddy’s Cookies.”

If you know me at all, you know that I crave salt a million times more than I crave chocolate. I like chocolate, yes, but would choose a bag of Doritos over a cookie any day. I’m not even kidding. Though cookie dough comes in a close second…

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I read an article this morning by Lisa Belkin (from the Motherlode blog in the New York Times) about fighting in front of the kids.

I have to say that I agree with her that it is a good thing for your children to see you fight. Not the kind of fighting where voices are raised and horrible things are said, but the kind of fight where you discuss the situation reasonably like two adults should.

I have written before about how my husband and I fight; we fight FAIR. There is no name calling, no insults flung, no screaming matches. I think that my kids will better equipped to handle disagreements in their own relationships as they grow up because they have seen it modeled to them.

They also see that marriage is not perfect, that conflicts arise, but they also see that when you love someone (whether spouse or friend) there is a way to work things out.

How about you? Do you fight in front of your kids?

Most of my posts written here about my marriage are full of sunshine and daisies, puppies and unicorns. I happened to marry a man with whom I am highly compatible with. He is also so laid back that it is borderline ridiculous; if he had the same fiery personality that I do IT WOULD NOT BE PRETTY.

This is not to say that he is perfect. He can be a wee bit passive aggressive at times which makes my blood boil to a point where my face splits in two and my head spins in circles (Figuratively, not literally.) When he pulls the passive aggressive craptastic stunts I call him on it and we duke it out (Figuratively, not literally. Of course.)

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