I am not a ‘touchy-feely’ person. Oh, I’ll hug friends when I haven’t seen them in awhile, and I hug my kids throughout the day, but I’m not overly affectionate. When we first got married, my husband would drive me a bit crazy because he is totally a ‘touchy-feely’ person. He’d come up next to me and rub my back, or rub my arms and I’d finally get him to knock it off already.

(Seriously. Standing behind me and rubbing my arms is in no way enjoyable for me. Hug me! Kiss me! Or, you know. Just don’t rub my arms.)

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My husband and I lead very (VERY) busy lives between work and three kids and activities. The last few weeks have been even busier, due to the conference I attended, my son hurting his collarbone (It’s not broken, but we spent an entire day in the ER just to find that out), and a few other ‘extra’ things going on. I’ve been manically trying to catch up, to the point where I’ve had moments where it’s hard to breathe. Then, last Thursday night, my husband and I sat down after the kids were in bed and, well. I won’t go into details, but he pointed out a few things that I could ‘improve on.’ And then I hit him with a frying pan.

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1. Fight. Not the screaming, knock-down, drag out time, but bring up issues and hash them out.

2. Encourage each other. Support their hobbies, tell them what they’re good at, be their biggest supporter.

3. Don’t bad-mouth them to your friends (or Mom). Joking about the things that are common knowledge (like my husband’s neat-freak reputation) is one thing, but tearing them down to others is off the table.

4. Spend time together without the kids. Dinner and a movie is a lovely evening out, but even sitting together on the couch (with the TV off) will help keep you connected.

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When we were pregnant with our third child, our church put on the Alpha marriage course. A bunch of our friends signed up for it, and we did too. Nothing was “wrong” in our relationship, but we thought that getting out of the house once a week for a nice dessert and some one-on-one time couldn’t hurt.

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I would love to be able to say that “that time of the month” has no effect on me, that it’s just something that happens as I go about my every day routine and then it’s gone. The thing is, I turn into a rage monster who has an insatiable craving for salty food and I hate everyone and everything and want to drive far, far away from it all.

The comical thing is, I am taken by surprise every. single. month. I have a thundercloud of anger floating around my head and spend a good chunk of time trying to figure out why, as evidenced by the Facebook status I posted the other day.

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We’ve been dealing with a bit of a “neighbor situation” for the past few months. When the initial dog attack happened, I was not exactly what you would call calm. A nasty pit bull had his jaws clamped on my dog’s ear, the owner was barely holding back his other big dog, and I started to think my dog was going to die because the other dog showed no signs of letting up.

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After my husband and I got engaged, we took part in a pre-marital course where they partner you with a ‘mentor’ couple and we worked through topics like communication and finances, etc. (Another couple in the group cracked us up because while the girl had been living on her own for a few years, her fiance was a University student who lived at home with his parents. In the budgeting session, he estimated that their monthly grocery bill would be $250. Haaaaaaaaaa.)

Our mentor couple had us over for dinner one night and gave us some valuable communication tips tha we still use today (including the fact that it’s okay to go to bed angry - things always look better in the morning). Here are a few of them.

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Many of my friends have great marriages and they attribute it to their parents. Said parents have been married for decades, have modeled great marriages, and have supported their kids in their own marriages.

My Dad has been married five times (I have eight siblings from the first three marriages) and my Mom has been married three times. That’s six divorces between them, if you’re counting.

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My husband and I went on our first date on November 30, 1999. We got engaged on December 30, 1999. (Yes, one month later.) We got married on May 20, 2000 (five months later.)

Passive aggressive comments aside, we were told that our first year of marriage would be HARD. We would fight a lot, we would have a hard time adjusting to being bonded to another person, there may be dishes smashed in the process.

We had none of that. My husband and I share the same two main love languages (words of affirmation and acts of service), which helps a lot. I am fiery, but he is calm and steady and we just balance each other out. This is not to say that I wish he could get more fired up about stuff sometimes, or that he wishes I could not be so emotional sometimes, but it’s all good. Most days.

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My husband and I both like to eat healthy food — we only eat out on “Date Night” — and our food consumption consists of a lot of fruit, veggies, and protein. A lot of said protein comes from a local ranch (beef) as well as the deer (and bear!) my husband has hunted, harvested, and had processed by a butcher. We also have chickens; some for meat, some for eggs.

We’re doing all that we can to be sustainable.

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