Viewing category ‘divorce’

Committed: The Ties that Bond

with Angella Dykstra

I'm a mom of three, a professional accountant, and an amateur photographer and writer. I am not a marriage expert. But my husband and I take "Til death do us part" seriously, and here I'll be sharing how we keep our marriage strong while we both do that insane work-life juggle.

Check out my Work It, Mom! profile and my blog, Dutch Blitz.

Explaining Divorce To Your Kids

Categories: divorce, marriage

No Comments

My husband and I aren’t divorced — and never plan to divorce — but as my kids are getting older, they’ve become more aware that not all marriages stay intact. My parents have both been married multiple times, and some of their friends have parents who now live in two houses.

There have been questions about why people get divorced and I don’t have much of an answer, because I don’t know the story. What I do tell them is that there are times when people decide that breaking up is better for them than staying together. This leads to them asking if their Dad and I will get a divorce, to which we reply with an emphatic no. We’re committed to forever, and continually work on our marriage to keep it vibrant and alive. We share the same faith, the same values, the same sense of humor, and the same fierce love of our kids and our family of five.

This is where I’d love to hear from those of you who have gone through a divorce. What do you tell your kids when they ask? And what do you feel is the best response that I can give my kids when they ask, so that they can be sensitive with their friends whose parents are divorcing?

Would your marriage survive an affair?

Categories: divorce, marriage

4 Comments

I’m sure that you’ve all heard about the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart debacle, which is a hard one to miss because it is being dissected EVERYWHERE. It’s hard enough to find out that the one you love has cheated on you; I can’t imagine how horrible it must be for those two. I don’t know them at all (obviously), but for some reason I hope they can work it out.

I have never had my husband cheat on me, and neither of us plan on that happening, which is why we work hard at keeping our relationship fresh and alive. Date nights, sex more nights than not, time at the end of the day to connect, etc. We also don’t spend time alone with members of the opposite sex (i.e. coffee dates, movies, etc.) We do have friends of the opposite sex, but we hang out in groups.


Read the rest of this entry

Did you have a ‘friendly’ divorce?

Categories: Uncategorized, divorce, family, marriage

3 Comments

While I have never been divorced, I am a child with divorced parents. They have each been divorced a couple of times over, and I wouldn’t call their splits ‘friendly’. Well, except for my Dad’s divorce from his third wife, who I call Mom (It’s complicated). It was a rocky split at the beginning, but they have worked out a pretty good system for parenting their four kids. They are in no way BFF’s, nor do they hang out, but they don’t harbor anger and vent it in front of the kids.


Read the rest of this entry

Dealing with “parent issues”

Categories: divorce, family

No Comments

I come from a broken family, and by “broken”, I mean that my Mom has been married three times. My Dad, five times. We’ve weathered all of that, the best that we can. I am in close contact with my Dad and his current wife, and also his third wife, because she was my Mom throughout my teenage years and ever since then. She is the best Grandma that my kids have, and she counsels me when I ask for it.


Read the rest of this entry

Is your marriage ‘Good Enough’?

Categories: commitment, divorce, marriage

3 Comments

A post I read yesterday at The Motherlode — ‘Is the ‘Good Enough’ Marriage Good For The Children‘ — grabbed my interest and also made me shake my head a little bit. The author refers to an article in The Atlantic where the author talks about how she may never find a husband.

She broke up with an “exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.”


Read the rest of this entry

Are there different “levels” of affairs?

Categories: Uncategorized, divorce, marriage

4 Comments

Emma Waverman wrote a post asking, “Would you stick around after an affair?” I’ve asked the question here before, and I think it’s a good one to think about. I know some people who have stuck together after an affair and worked through it, and I know yet others who have walked away and I can’t say that I blame them. Having kids makes it a little more complicated, at least for me, but I’m hoping I never have to make that decision.


Read the rest of this entry

Make your marriage divorce-proof

Categories: divorce, marriage

5 Comments

I have to admit that I’ve been a little bit discouraged by the Internet and its lack of posting about healthy relationships. YES, the divorce rate hovers around 50%, but where are the stories from that other 50%? Most stories I run across are about how to have an affair (AWESOME) or how to recover from divorce or whatnot.

This week, I came across this article from Real Simple about “10 ways to make your marriage divorce-proof”.

I was sold at the #1 Point: Realize that if you can agree on what constitutes a clean room, you can agree on anything.

If you’ve read any of my words here for the past two (!) years or read my personal site, you KNOW that my husband is a neat freak. If I keep up my end of the cleanliness bargain, conflicts are kept to a minimum.

Another point that made me say YES: Marry someone with a backbone who appreciates that you possess one of your own.

People often think that I “wear the pants in the relationship”, but no. My husband my be a quiet guy, but he is in no way whatsoever a pushover. He appreciates my backbone and has no problem in flexing his own.

The other eight points are pretty bang-on.

If you’re irritated by your partner, imagine him as a small child.

No fisticuffs in public.

Procrastinate.

Have sex with each other.

Accept that everybody needs alone time.

If you have to fight, walk and fight.

Let your spouse in on 90 percent of your day-to-day routine.

When you buy gifts for each other, give them at least a full minute of thought.

You need to read the article if you have time, as the descriptions that follow each point are pretty humorous.

Do you have any tips you’d like to add?

What to do when a marriage falls apart

Categories: divorce, friends, marriage

6 Comments

I’m back working in an office that I’ve floated in and out of for the past nine years. The senior staff are pretty much the same group as what existed back when I first started. As such, we have a history and there are a few that I consider to be more than mere colleagues; they are friends.

One of these friends seemed a little quiet and “off” last week, so I asked if everything was OK. He told me that he’d talk to me in a bit. A few hours later he emailed me to say that I could come talk to him if I wanted to.

The details are no mine to share, but his marriage has fallen apart. It is done, done, done.

Hearing of any marriage ending makes me sad, but when it happens to someone I actually know my heart aches on their behalf. I want to do something but it has been my experience that there really is nothing I can do but listen. I have not walked the same path, so I have no advice to share and cannot commiserate about the heartache they are experiencing.

What I can do is just be there. To listen, to nod in sympathy, to just let them know that I am here whenever they need me.

I still feel so helpless, though. Any advice from those who have lived through it would be much appreciated.

Subscribe to blog via RSS

Search Blog