Mother’s Day can be a hard day for many women, for many different reasons. It’s an awkward one for me, because I’ve been estranged from my own mother for three years now. She is an alcoholic, though that’s not why we don’t talk anymore. Three years ago, in our weekly phone chat, she tore into me for three hours while I tried to talk through what she was lobbing at me. It all boils down to the fact that she’s not happy with her own life, because she was angry at me for being happily married and about my “perfect fucking children.”
I forgave her immediately, because forgiveness means that you are free from the anger and the hatred. It’s not about the offender; it’s about you. I have reached out a few times via phone and Facebook, but she’s yet to respond. It’s okay, really. Because I’ve forgiven her and let it go, I will go weeks without even thinking about her. That may sound heartless, but it’s exactly the opposite. She made it clear that she hates me for being happy, and I made peace with the fact that she simply doesn’t love me.
Well, maybe she does love me, but her actions make no sense to me. I have three children of my own and I would do anything — ANYTHING — for them. They are beautiful and they are intelligent and they are loving and they are amazing and they are my heart. I would never (ever ever) yell hatred at them or wish them anything but good things.
My experience with my Mom has made me a better Mother, I think. I want my kids to know how much they are loved, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I tell them that I love them, multiple times a day. I hug them as much as they’ll let me. I tell them that they can do anything that they put their minds to. I schlep them to dance and to youth group and to running races. I do my best to be the best Mom that they could ever have. Not a perfect Mom, no, but the best Mom for them.
Mother’s Day for me was about me a little bit — who doesn’t like the homemade crafts? — but it was also about them. We spent the afternoon enjoying the sunshine in our backyard and then we had an enjoyable (and hilarious) dinner out. I can’t believe that I have these three beautiful beings who I get to be a Mom to.
How was your Mother’s Day? Is it a hard day for you?