I’m in New York City for a blogger event, and in order to get here, I had to catch a 6 a.m. flight yesterday. I had to be at the airport at 4 a.m., which means that I had to wake up at 2:30 a.m. It was as awful as you might imagine.

I slipped out of bed, walked quietly to the bathroom, shut the door behind me, and turned on the light. Awaiting me was a post-it note from my husband telling me that he loved me and to have a fun trip. When I went into the kitchen, he had written a post-it note with ‘I love you more!’ on it, and when I went to pack my laptop, he had written me another note. (See above photo.)

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As much as my husband and I are great at communicating, sometimes we are not so great at communicating. To be honest, he is not good at communicating, as he’s more than happy to live in his little bubble of things to be done and not talk to anyone unless he has to for work.

The onus is on me to point it out (AGAIN) and remind him that he has a wife and kids who need more that a side hug and the requisite “How was your day?” He’s quick to get back on track, so there’s one point in his favor.

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Over our twelve years of marriage, the pendulum has swung between my husband and I when it comes to who is the ‘major breadwinner.’ Sometimes its been me, sometimes it’s been him, sometimes we’re pretty equal. That’s where we’re at right now.

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My husband and I lead very (VERY) busy lives between work and three kids and activities. The last few weeks have been even busier, due to the conference I attended, my son hurting his collarbone (It’s not broken, but we spent an entire day in the ER just to find that out), and a few other ‘extra’ things going on. I’ve been manically trying to catch up, to the point where I’ve had moments where it’s hard to breathe. Then, last Thursday night, my husband and I sat down after the kids were in bed and, well. I won’t go into details, but he pointed out a few things that I could ‘improve on.’ And then I hit him with a frying pan.

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1. Fight. Not the screaming, knock-down, drag out time, but bring up issues and hash them out.

2. Encourage each other. Support their hobbies, tell them what they’re good at, be their biggest supporter.

3. Don’t bad-mouth them to your friends (or Mom). Joking about the things that are common knowledge (like my husband’s neat-freak reputation) is one thing, but tearing them down to others is off the table.

4. Spend time together without the kids. Dinner and a movie is a lovely evening out, but even sitting together on the couch (with the TV off) will help keep you connected.

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I was out of town this past weekend for a blogging conference. I flew out Friday morning and arrived home Sunday night. It’s my favorite annual conference and I always come back of it refreshed and recharged from spending quality time with some of my favorite people from inside (and outside) of the computer. I chatted with my family each day, but they were busy with activities and such and didn’t miss me (too) horribly.

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I’m a huge proponent of having sex with your spouse as often as you can make it work. We average about 4-5 times a week, now that our kids are school-aged and no longer waking up in the night. We make “alone time” a priority because 1. We enjoy it, and 2. Our physical connection supports our emotional connection and makes us feel closer. I am hardly an expert, though, which is why I’m going to point you toward some research and statistics.

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When we were pregnant with our third child, our church put on the Alpha marriage course. A bunch of our friends signed up for it, and we did too. Nothing was “wrong” in our relationship, but we thought that getting out of the house once a week for a nice dessert and some one-on-one time couldn’t hurt.

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I would love to be able to say that “that time of the month” has no effect on me, that it’s just something that happens as I go about my every day routine and then it’s gone. The thing is, I turn into a rage monster who has an insatiable craving for salty food and I hate everyone and everything and want to drive far, far away from it all.

The comical thing is, I am taken by surprise every. single. month. I have a thundercloud of anger floating around my head and spend a good chunk of time trying to figure out why, as evidenced by the Facebook status I posted the other day.

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We live in an active community, and I know a number of couples who share both marital love and a love of the same physical activities. One couple runs together and they both race. Another couple like mountain biking on rugged trails and entering mountain biking events. Yet another couple enjoys hockey and play in the same league.

My husband and I … are nothing like them.

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