This is the kind of post I probably shouldn’t be writing, ever, but I’m doing it anyway because otherwise I have to sit here and wait and the song doesn’t lie, folks. Waiting is the hardest part.

I’m waiting for an update from my husband, who left the house at about 4:00 this morning to get to the airport and catch the first flight up to Boston to be with his family. I’m waiting to hear that he’s made it to the hospital, that he’s seen his mother, that he’s able to tend to his family as he is prone to do in such situations, that they are managing to cope.

I should be there, but I’m here.

I can’t blame it on freelancing; I’m still here because we’re trying to figure out how to do this. Can my parents come stay with the kids for a bit? (They’re on vacation, and I feel terrible asking, and logistically it may just not be possible.) Should we take the kids up there with us? (Sadly, no, both because this is a difficult situation with kids and because school starts next week and the kids need to be home and relaxing right now more than anything.) How soon do I need to be there? (We don’t know yet, we’re still waiting.) Can we even afford two or four plane tickets? (Obviously we will find the money however we need to, but still—stress.)

Every time the phone rang yesterday, we both jumped about a foot in the air. Especially for the calls that came after 10.

Hey, I just jumped a foot in the air again—my husband called to say he’d landed.

I contacted a few folks I work for to say that I may need to take some time off, and everyone was very kind and understanding about it. Really, I’m very lucky that I genuinely like and respect all of the folks I’m working with, right now. If I need to stop working for a bit, they’re not going to give me a hard time.

And although I feel shallow or stupid or whatever for worrying about this bit of it, they’re also not going to pay me for work that isn’t performed, so although working is the last thing I want to do right now, visions of last-minute plane tickets flit through my head and I wander back to my desk and bang out a few words. Not exactly my best work, but it’s something, I guess.

I can work while I’m sitting here waiting, right? It’s a good distraction. Plus I have a project due tomorrow that isn’t done yet, and I’ve always gotten my work in on time. Plus sitting here and doing nothing is making me a little bit insane.

Because the waiting is the hardest part.

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