Cornered Office
with Mir Kamin
I'm a freelance writer and mother of two working from home, which theoretically means I can set my own schedule so as to best accommodate my family. In reality, "flexible hours" often equals "working too much." Yes, I'm my own boss; no, that doesn't mean life is easy. It's hard to leave the office when you live there. But I love what I do and feel very lucky. And not just because I get paid to work in my pajamas.
To learn more about Mir, check out her profile on Work It, Mom! or visit her blog at http://www.wouldashoulda.com/
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My father is “retired.” Not retired, but “retired.” The quotes are necessary because he still works.
Huh?
The deal is this: A few years back, my father decided it was time to retire. He wanted to spend more time on leisure pursuits, and wanted the freedom to be able to travel more often. We all applauded his decision. And I believe the original plan was that he’d continue working something like 10-20 hours at the office each week that he wasn’t out of town. But because he’s my dad, and because he doesn’t really know how to retire, he is, instead, “retired”: He works full time whenever he’s not otherwise occupied, but occasionally takes off for trips and such. We tease him about it, but his justification is simple: He enjoys working.
I enjoy working, too, but make no bones about it: If I could afford to stop, I would. I think. I mean, I don’t know, that’s probably what my dad thought, too.
I’m very lucky in that I have a career doing something I love. I’ve always written and I can’t see one day just deciding that okay, I’m done now. No more words. I will always write, I’m sure.
But would I write every day? Would I write for hire? I’m not so sure.
What if I won the lottery? (To be clear: I don’t play the lottery, so my chances of winning are zilch.) I really believe that if I came into enough money where I wouldn’t have to work, that I would stop. Just stop. Of course, I say that from the vantage point of someone who really, really needs a nap.
Still, I fantasize about it, sometimes. What would it be like to have no work commitments? To not feel like 24 hours away from my email might well be career suicide? To get up whenever I felt like it, sleep as long as I want, go to a movie or just sit and talk with my husband any time I wanted to? To not worry over checks coming in and new work lining up? I imagine it would be incredibly peaceful.
My husband disagrees. “You’d get bored,” he says. “I know I would be bored without work,” he adds. And I think that’s probably true… for him. I’m not altogether convinced that under my well-organized, career-motivated exterior I’m not just incredibly lazy.
Yes, I’d write. I’d take on volunteering I never have time for now. I hope I’d still want to make a difference in the world, somehow. But 8-12 hours at the computer every single day? Not a chance. And I say this as someone who—all things considered—really loves her job. So I’m left wondering two things:
1) Am I really that lazy?
and
2) If you don’t love your job, isn’t it 100 times worse?
What do you think—would you retire if you could? Or is work such a part of you that you’d be lost without it?
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I would retire in a second if I could afford to. To get enough sleep every night, have time to read and write (for myself) and knit and see friends and travel, and just do nothing …. ah. Sounds like heaven.
I like what I do, and find it satisfying to use my skills. But the whole structure of work grinds my gears.
ccr in MA | March 22nd, 2011 at 11:37 am
I would retire in a hot second. Wouldn’t even clean out my desk…just gone, baby! Of course, I am one of those poor shlubs that h-a-t-e-s their job.
I have no idea what I’d do with all of that glorious time, but I wouldn’t waste a second of it after knowing what the alternative is.
Rebecca | March 22nd, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Add me to the list that would leave in a New York minute if I could. But, I also think that I would end up doing something else eventually. Both of my parents are “retired” (teachers - got to love that mandatory retirement fund contribution every month!) but they also work part time. My mom was actually really retired for a year, and immediately fell into the eating bon bons and watching soap operas stereotype, so she went back to work part time. My dad is more like yours - he’ll never be able to stop working. I’m much more akin to my mom, so I think I would have to force myself to do something so as not to dissolve into a life of sloth. But I would never ever ever resume my current work full time. As I told my sister at the beach last weekend, I don’t want to be responsible for anything more than ensuring you liked your lunch.
Mandee | March 22nd, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I think I need to work for a variety of reasons, far remote from the money aspect. BUT, if I had all the money in the world, I would change the way I work so that it would not come with a lot of the aggravation.
For one thing, I would hire assistants to do all the scut work I didn’t feel like doing on any given day. (Sometimes I LIKE doing the scut work, but not when I am behind on my sleep or missing time with my kids or missing my deadlines.) I’d train up my assistants so that the number of hours I am literally “needed” at my job is minimal. I would cut my hours, and work from home unless I really wanted to meet with people. I would not undertake to do so many projects that it meant being sleep-deprived or getting grief for spending time with my daughters. I’d bring attorneys and accountants in to solve issues that I don’t feel like researching or stressing about. I’d force myself to NOT get frustrated when other people do things I’ve advised against. Stuff like that.
Yeah, in my dreams!!
SKL | March 22nd, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I was just dreaming about winning the lottery (that I never play) this morning. I think I’d do what your dad did, I’d arrange to have a job where I spend 20 hours max per week. That would give me flexibility but keep me up to date on my skills. Its really important for me to model good business skills, work ethics, and balancing for my girls to see that it is possible for women to achieve career success. That said, my dad retired a few years ago and now teaches at the dental school. Since he’s only part-time, he gets no time off which means he can’t accompnay us on the trips we all planned because he was retiring!
elz | March 23rd, 2011 at 11:26 am
I don’t know that I want to retire, but I sure am looking forward to the day when I work because I feel like it, not because I have to pay the bills.
I can dream, right?
Lylah | March 23rd, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I was just having this same conversation with my mom. And while I *might* be lazy, I think it also might be that there are SO MANY THINGS I would do.
I like to think I’m more creative than the average bear about how I’d spend my time.
Miss Britt | March 23rd, 2011 at 3:27 pm
I think everyone would rather be independently wealthy, yes. To be allowed to plan our days according only to our wants and wishes. And yes, to NAP. Every day.
After a while I think I’d all find something else to occupy my time. Volunteering, or joining a group or team that had a regular schedule, or even working part-time at something I consider “fun.” Because I don’t think it’s anyone’s nature to just laze around all the time and not feel like you’re accomplishing something.
But I do dream about it. OFTEN.
el-e-e | March 24th, 2011 at 8:52 am
Right now, I work full-time outside the home. We will move again this summer, and we are planning for me to be a SAHM. I did it for almost a year after we moved here, and I loved it. Financially, it was difficult, but I still loved it. I was able to take care of my family and invest where it really matters to me.
With the lottery scenario, though… I’ve always said the first thing I’d do is hire a full-time housekeeper. If I didn’t have to keep up with that?? I don’t know what I’d do! I did love teaching, but it’s really stressful. I’d probably cook more because I love it and read more because I love that, which means I’d have to go to the gym more… but I think I really am that lazy.
Damsel | March 24th, 2011 at 10:45 am
It would take me about 2 seconds to answer this - yes! I would retire in a second! I could think of a million things that I would rather be doing than working. The gym, the beach, biking, sight seeing, writing - anything. My dad sounds just like yours. He works part time at the same university he worked at for 30 years and is taking a full schedule of classes. It irritates my retired mom to no end. However, she keeps busy with her hobbies and friends. I remember in my 20’s, I worked at a bar and rarely worked over 20 hours a week and it was great. I was always busy but it was with things that I enjoyed. I worked to live, not the opposite.
Oceans Mom | March 24th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Hubby is one that would get bored and stir-crazy, but I’d retire in a minute!
Well, I’m doing the SAHM thing now, but I’ve hated every past job and know I’ll hate going back to work. I’d retire even from SAHM if it were possible. I hated the thought of working even when I was a mere kid, and never wanted to have to grow up and do it, so I guess I’m congenitally lazy. I always resent the time that those pesky “responsibilities” take out of my reading, hiking, gardening, TV/movie viewing, for-fun outings, etc. etc.
Brigitte | March 25th, 2011 at 9:55 am
I think I would still work while in retirement — some kind of work — whether it be volunteer work or paid work. I’d go nuts from boredom if I didn’t work.
Suzanne | March 28th, 2011 at 1:14 am