Cornered Office
with Mir Kamin
I'm a freelance writer and mother of two working from home, which theoretically means I can set my own schedule so as to best accommodate my family. In reality, "flexible hours" often equals "working too much." Yes, I'm my own boss; no, that doesn't mean life is easy. It's hard to leave the office when you live there. But I love what I do and feel very lucky. And not just because I get paid to work in my pajamas.
To learn more about Mir, check out her profile on Work It, Mom! or visit her blog at http://www.wouldashoulda.com/
When in doubt, use your manners
Categories: Like talking but with more typing, Now I'm free(lancing)
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I’m the last person you’re ever going to hear complaining about life going digital. I live my business life and a substantial portion of my personal life online; on the whole, I think the Internet has greatly enriched our lives in countless ways.
And as someone who once chafed at hand-writing thank you notes to various relatives after every birthday, I may even roll my eyes at folks who insist that email is insufficient compared to good, old-fashioned snail mail. (Of course, I’m a sucker for a double-standard. I adore receiving a hand-written note from someone, particularly if it’s a note of thanks. But email is overwhelmingly my communication channel of choice.)
My point (I swear, I have one) is that what’s acceptable socially does change somewhat, over time. Formality requirements decrease in various realms as time passes; that’s normal. What would’ve required a hand-written note a hundred years ago can today be covered with an email, perhaps.
But: There’s a difference between “less formality” and “no manners.”
Decreased formality is something I’m okay with, in general. Complete lack of manners is not.
It’s a slippery slope, I understand. Some people feel that proper manners don’t change; what merited a hand-written note “back in the day” still merits one today, if you’re to be “proper,” according to some. Miss Manners and Emily Post are still in the business of dictating what is and isn’t acceptable, but opinions vary. One person’s “required etiquette” is another one’s “outdated custom.” I get that.
So what does this have to do with freelancing?
My latest pet peeve: LinkedIn requests from people I don’t know. Now, personally, I believe LinkedIn is a place for 1) business connections, particularly ones 2) between people who already know each other. To me, LinkedIn isn’t the casual mingling of acquaintances you sometimes see on Facebook, it’s a place for business interactions. I understand that not everyone feels that way—some people will happily connect with anyone at all on LinkedIn—but that’s how I treat it. No problem, because if I get a connection request from someone I don’t know all that well, I just don’t accept it, right?
Right, but the requests from names I don’t recognize which arrive without anything other than the standard “I’d like to add you to my network” message irrationally enrage me. How about, “Hey Mir, we met at such-and-such” or “Hi Mir, we both know so-and-so” or even “I know we don’t know each other, but I’d like to talk to you about our work sometime”? Do people really think a form email sent to someone they don’t know is going to yield a meaningful connection?
Or maybe I’m the only curmudgeon who thinks that’s rude. Am I overreacting, or is this a case of the “online mindset” being taken too far?
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I do not think you’re wrong, no. However… I know I’ve done this with folks, and I’ll tell you why. It depends on which link you add them. I’ll go to connect, and it will ask how you know them, and I’ll click whatever’s applicable, and then BAM! My request is sent. There was no little note portion. Other links to add, it’ll let me add a note. I’m not sure where, exactly, I’m going wrong to add that note, but I swear it’s not there sometimes.
Michele | March 14th, 2012 at 2:14 am
Okay, Michele, but (BUT!) are you sending connection requests to people you really don’t even know? I think you and I are connected, and I know you, so had you sent me a standard form request without a note that would’ve been fine. But are you trying to connect with people who may not know who you are?
Mir | March 14th, 2012 at 8:56 am
Oh no, never. Now whether the folks remember me? I suppose that’s another thing altogether. I’ve never gotten the “connect to every single person I see regardless of anything” thing. The only thing I think when I get those, and I get them, is “I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Michele | March 14th, 2012 at 9:36 am
I think a lot of it depends on how you use linked-in. I *don’t* use it all that actively, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think that some people treat it as a mailing list, rather than an actual social network. If your focus is on getting higher numbers, so that you look more influential, or on reaching more people with your updates, in case one of them wants to act on it, then you’re more inclined to ask everyone to connect.
Hardly anyone will ever act *against* you because of it, so there’s not a consequence for the asker. (Other than creating a world that’s a bit more brash and less pleasant, but I think that they probably see it differently than I do.)
Alice | March 14th, 2012 at 9:47 am
I hire people for a living and I am with you 100% on this. If we have something in common–same school, or know someone in common–I’m okay approaching someone but will generally include a note.
Random people requesting to add me because they want a job is not acceptable. I’m putting my reputation on the line by having you in my network if I don’t even know you. (the hypothetical you, not YOU Mir, as you are very pretty, but I still would not randomly send you a request on LinkedIn)
diane | March 14th, 2012 at 10:35 am
I don’t find it rude as much as puzzling - especially when it’s someone quite high up with 500+ connections already… why do they want add me? (Actually, I suspect they are mistaking me for another writer with my name, but who is actually well known. They’re certainly not active on LinkedIn, so it can’t be that they just want to use it as a mailing list.) But I try and spin it around - if I think they could potentially be a client, I write back politely saying that I don’t think we’ve met but I’d be very happy to offer my services, and then once I’ve had a personal response I’ll accept the invitation. Can’t hurt after all! And if I don’t think they are professionally useful, I just ignore them.
Emma | March 14th, 2012 at 3:05 pm